I can’t remember if I’ve written about this before or not, but I’m honestly too lazy right now to bother with going back to look so you get the story anyway. Luck you, right? It’s a good one, I promise. I’ve been sitting around thinking, which is never a good thing, but tonight it was. I’ve been thinking about life, how I got to where I am today. How life with my man and this relationship is now. What it might be like in the future. Will my family every accept this? Just everything running through my head, the good and the bad, and then I started thinking…what started this amazing bond and love we share. It started with a text.
I used to see him sitting at his desk when I would pass by, those bright blue eyes, they got my attention right away. So caring, but so sad. I could see it hidden back there, deep sadness and hurt. He always seems so happy and caring for others but those eyes told a different story, one his heart hid. I just had this desire I cannot explain, to make him happy. I wanted those eyes to smile with the rest of him.
It wasn’t long before my miserable life kicked in and he caught me in tears. I tried to hide them but it was impossible, I was crying too hard. Family was killing me, the boyfriend was controlling and demanding, and people at work had started their toll early. Everything became too much and I broke at the wrong time and even worse, he walked in on it. He didn’t say anything then, just left me to myself knowing I was embarrassed. I respected that because no one ever wants to get involved, but so desperately needed someone.
Then the next day I got a text. That’s where it started, with an innocent text asking if I was better. I lied but I think he knew that. Every so often I’d get a text making sure I was doing okay but each day the texts started to grow. We started talking about more things, deeper things. We started talking about my family, I finally told him about them. How my dad beat me, my mom yelled every bad thing about me she could, my sister did a combination of both. He didn’t know what to say. No one ever does. We talked about everything in life. And we started talking all the time. He had become one of my best friends and some of my friends were hating that, especially the boyfriend that was treating me so bad.
Then I left, for a whole week. On vacation with that stupid boyfriend. 16 hour flight away, several time zone changes, and our communication was cut off. He still had to work and I was on different hours. How do I tell him about my days? How do I stay in touch with the man I was growing so fond of, especially when my “boyfriend” was treating me so horrible? E-mail of course! At the end of the day, every single day, I wrote him an e-mail. Told him of my events, both good and bad. Make sure he knew I was alive and in one piece. He woke up every single morning to a nice long e-mail and plenty of pictures from vacation. He liked that.
While on that trip, he now admits, that is when he fell in love with me. For me, I think I can say the same. He had so much concern that I was having a good time, but reminded me how much he missed me and couldn’t wait till I came back. I felt the same way! I couldn’t wait to see him again! I just was dying without him and I think the boyfriend knew it. I’m not sure you would call him a “boyfriend” at this time though because we were already pretty much over and I found out later on that he had another girl the whole time.
Anyway, we returned. And upon that return, I got the biggest hug I had ever gotten in my whole life! And even better…I got a kiss. A kind and gentle kiss to my forehead. My favorite kiss. One kiss to the forehead is worth 1000 kisses else where. I will always love those. And that’s when it happened, that’s when I started to fall for this man. I was scared, did he feel the same? Of course he did, I could hear it in his e-mails back while I was on vacation. So where do we go from here? What next? I left that up to time.
Time took care of the rest. I ditched the controlling boyfriend and my man was right there to help me through that. Our feelings grew stronger, but we still stayed friends. He would hold me, listen to me, help me, let me cry when I needed…he was everything I needed in life. Then one day it happened. I was talking to him and he just had this look in his eyes, so full of love. Those eyes were finally smiling, I loved that. Then he kissed me. Gently. Right on the lips. He did it so quickly, right before I left, I didn’t know what to do or what to think. But I liked it. And I wanted me.
Life with my man started with a text, turned into friendship, then developed into companionship. He is my best friend above all else and my lover next. I don’t want to lose him, I can’t! But I have this horrible ache when it comes to my family. Will they every accept this? I seriously doubt it. But what does it matter? It’s not their choice, it’s not their concern. If I’m being treated like a lady, respected, taken care of, put my needs above his, protected, and I’m happy, what does it matter? It shouldn’t. Isn’t that what everyone wants for their child? I don’t have kids yet, but that is what I would want for mine. Whatever makes them happy, then I will be happy.
I would have never guessed myself in an age gap relationship, but that’s exactly where I am and I couldn’t be more happy with it! He’s my man! And I don’t want anything to take that away!
For now…off to bed because my man and I are off to geocache tomorrow! : ) That and riding my dirtbike are the two things that make me happy in life. My dirtbike gives me something I can’t explain…my mind is always racing, always moving, but when I get on my bike everything stops. I can think about just that one thing, no thoughts, no ideas, just riding. Freedom from my mind! Now…if I could just find a damn truck so I could actually go riding…my next goal! Oh, and on a side note…my man is totally cool with having little badass dirtbike kids like their mommy! : )