Not As Strong As I Used To Be

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Beyond

I’m not strong enough for this anymore. I can’t live life any longer. These people are killing me, one day at a time. Today I sat on the edge of a cliff. It’s a quiet area, no one would find me, within walking distance because I can’t afford gas to drive anywhere. I sat there thinking how much more I could take before the urge to fall forward overtook me. It wouldn’t be hard, just one little slip, all my problems would be solved.

I’m tired of all the pain. I don’t want to end it with the chance of more pain, so why not pick something easier, cleaner, and pain free? I have plenty of choices, a little medical experience goes a long way. I have several choices at my disposal. How much longer till I turn to that? How many more days can I make it?

I have been off my ADHD medication for about 2 weeks now and it’s starting to really hit me. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a bitch. I could work harder at controlling myself, but why bother. Maybe I can piss someone off enough and they will just take care of everyone else’s problems for me…that might work. So many options, so little time.