Can’t Sleep

Again. So tired. Still.

This is day 4 of sleepless nights, so much on my mind and no way to organize it and get it out. I have been off my ADHD meds for almost a week, partly because I forget to pick up my Rx and partly because I can’t afford it. Another major set back when it comes to money and health bills. Will it ever end?!

My stomach has been so sick lately. Either from the lack of quality food, or the lack of food in general. I can’t remember the last time I had a meal, like a real actual meal. I’ve been living off snacks and whatever I can round up. Mainly noodles, soup, chips and crackers left half finished in the pantry, etc. I’m still too skinny, my doctor keeps telling me that, I have been too skinny my whole life. My body metabolizes WAY too quickly, it takes 3 times the amount of meds on me as it takes to keep an average adult male under for surgery. My doctor described average adult male as someone between 180-200lbs…it takes 3 times the drug they get to keep my little 110lbs self under! I was impressed.

My doctor wants to put me on medicine to slow my metabolism, I don’t want any part of that! She told me I have to start eating more and specific foods but I can’t afford that. I’m not gaining any weight I’m suppose to be and because my body metabolizes too quickly (even when I get healthy food) it’s not absorbing the calcium, magnesium, and potassium my heart needs. Without my vitamins for that stuff I get really bad heart palpitations, winded, dizzy, and almost pass out because it puts my heart into A-fib. I think I’ve talked about this before. I hate taking the vitamins, but it looks like I’m stuck with it for now because three weeks ago when I ran out…well it was bad. I looked and felt like shit! My EKG looked just as horrible too! I was going from A-fib at a rate of 60 to a rate of 160 in few seconds, my heart rate was all over, my BP was 60/40, it was a mess! I’ve had BP of 62/44 before, doctor was afraid I would pass out, but that can be normal for me, it’s when the A-fib joins the mix that causes problems.

I refuse to relay on meds! Even vitamins!! I want off it all! But I’m stuck for now. I know I’ll never be able to get off the ADHD meds, I try to control it but that’s pretty much impossible. It also increases outbreaks of PTSD symptoms and increases the intensity, so staying on medicine to control me keeps all that away…at least a lot less problems.

I’m rambling. I’ve just been stuck at home a lot because I can’t afford to go anywhere but work. I did have some fellow cachers “kidnap” me today, they said I need to cache but I can’t afford the gas so they picked me up. I did a “power series”, many caches in a row, very close together. Even though they already had them, they drove me to each one. We also got some amazing caches with high difficulty, some awesome boxes, and just some cool caches all around! I ended up getting 205 caches in one day!! Which is pretty unheard of around here and we drove past SO many without stopping! I can’t wait to go back! We even did a “tunnel” cache, which had become quit popular in America from all the cachers I talk to. They are hidden in storm drains, you squat and crawl through, we were a soaked muddy mess but it was TOTALLY worth it!

I guess I’ll try to sleep, I just hope I can! Good night all, hope you’re having a great week so far!