It’s Been a While

I’m still on the mend, mostly been laying around. Tried to run a little this past weekend and found out I can’t yet, it hurts so bad. My jaw is still so painful, can’t chew anything, and I still have complete numbness on the left side, my whole bottom jaw and lip. I know this is all possible complications of the surgery, but lets just say I am NOT happy!! The doctor was an asshole before and I should have gotten up and walked out. Thinking back I wish I had because this recovery has been nothing but a nightmare since. I am not happy at all and am looking for another doctor to go see to make sure it’s truly a complication and not something he messed up. I will  NOT be recommending them to anyone! I spend $1200 of my hard earned money, money I don’t have, and this shit is what I have to live with now. He ruined the thousands I spent on therapy after a car accident to fix my TMJ, now I have it worse than I’ve ever had. : (

Other than dealing with all of that, life has been normal, but busy. This past weekend we celebrated my grandma’s 70th birthday. Lots of fun! The extended family can be a blast to get together with. We had a lot of friends and family over and just partied. I even managed to get off work early so I made it to the whole party and didn’t have to miss out like usual. Though sometimes I don’t mind.

Life at work has been uneventful, minus today. Today news got out that the Chief is quitting. He told his boss 3 weeks ago and has agreed to stay on working what little hours he wants to helping them until they find a replacement. The Captain is all excited because he doesn’t have to deal with our “horrible Chief” anymore, little does he know he still has to answer to the Chief until a new one is found. And let me tell you how “horrible” our Chief is…his motto is “have fun at work.” He doesn’t care at all what we do as long as we follow company policy, don’t break anything, and don’t kill anyone. We regularly play frisbee and wiffle ball, several people get away with not doing chores, very few of us clean the trucks…they have NO idea how easy they have it!! I can’t wait for someone to come in and really show them a hard time.

Despite all the crap there, things with my older man are better than ever! I started thinking today about ways to tell my mother and make her understand that this isn’t a bad thing. I think she’s hoping it’s just a phase that will pass, but it’s not. I started thinking about what I will want for my little girl one day, I want her to marry someone they love, someone that will take care of her, protect her, and be there for her without running off, no matter the age. I have all that. I have the safety, security, protection, and we even have plans for the future. Let’s face it, we know that unless something horrible happens (which it could), he is going to leave this earth long before me. We have plans for that to protect me. Money being put aside, insurance policies, and things to make sure I, and any children we have, are taken care of when that day comes. I am working on a letter to my mom to help me spell all this out and it will be posted here because I doubt I’ll ever have the courage to show her. I hope one day her and the family can understand though…this isn’t some “phase” or “fling”, it’s the real deal.

Make You Think

I’m back! Did you miss me? Probably not. Thursday I got my wisdom teeth out and it’s been a horrible experience ever since! If you are scheduled to get your wisdom teeth out then you better stop reading right here or you may never go. I was nervous from the beginning but my awesome man said he would take me to help calm my nerves and care for me, this made me feel slightly better until I met the doctor. This guy was a fucking asshole! I just paid OVER $1000 that I DON’T have and you’re going to be a dick to me?!?! I thought about walking out and the way I’m feeling today I should have!! He was rude, short, and just downright mean to me!

I have had 7 surgeries prior to this and have never had to take pain medicine, ever. This time…it’s 3 days later and I’m STILL on pain medicine. I can’t move my jaw with out pain that brings tears. My whole mouth hurts. And my lower jaw and lip is completely numb. Is this normal?!? It really scares me. I am not looking forward to the check up appointment on Tuesday and let’s just say it probably won’t go well for Mr. Doctor. I will be offering plenty of reviews on him too…none of which are good! And if his company has a survey…well that won’t be pretty either. He may be a decent doctor with without bedside manner he’s got nothing! It’s all about customer service, just like we say on the ambulance, they are a paying customer and we will do everything we can to make them more comfortable and satisfied. I am less than pleased and satisfied with this doctor and he will know it!

Every Sunday I check PostSecret for new secrets. If you’ve never seen this website before you need to check it out. I still miss the app bad but we’ll never see that again thanks to a few people that had to ruin it for everyone! : ( This week there was a secret that stood out at me, it was the very first one posted. It sends a bit of guilt through me because I am that girl, sort of. I’m the girl that all the older women hate for “stealing their men.” We’ve all heard it before, “why can’t I just find someone my own age?” I’ve said it before, you can’t help who you fall in love with. We never intended to fall in love, that’s definitely not what either of us were looking for, we both just needed a friend. It was at his (soon to be at the time) ex wife’s suggestion that we decided to become more. We love each other as friends, I think we both held back from more because of the age difference. Then one day we just said “fuck it, we’re in love and the world will deal with it.” And that was that.

I still have my insecurities sometimes, mostly when I see things like this picture. I’m not trying to “taking the older men,” not my intention at all, it just so happens that I fell in love with an older man. I don’t go out seeking older guys and he wasn’t after younger women…it just happened. I can understand why this woman posted what she did and her reason behind it, but it still makes me think that maybe our relationship is better in theory and not reality? Well, I really don’t care because I love him and I refuse to let him walk away no matter what. People will just have to get used to it.