As we can all see by the amount of posts I’m adding today, I’m busy at work earning the big bucks…kidding. I am at work and I’ve decided to make this time useful.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so it seems I am slightly off in this posting but I believe it is something important to talk about. I have been in that spot many times before, I didn’t grow up in the best home and I had a lot of problems that pushed me to think about it all too many times. Some how I always managed to pull through, usually on my own. Very few of my friends and zero of my family know about it, but those that do have helped me in so many ways. I could never tell them enough just how grateful I am.
I work in a career that means we see suicidal patients pretty much weekly and sometimes daily. Most are just seeking attention, it’s not their first time through the rodeo, however others truly do need help. Either way, it’s not my job to decide which is which, they will all be treated the same by me, with kindness, respect, and caring. I believe that anyone that is suicidal is truly sick, maybe if it is even just for that few moments, but they are not mentally healthy and they truly have a problem. When someone tells you they are thinking about it, don’t laugh it off. And be careful who you bully…you could be the one that finally pushed that “dork” in school to the edge.
When I first starting thinking about it I was very alone. The internet wasn’t around much, maybe at school, but we didn’t have it at home. I read some “self-help” books in the school library, but anything that was going to talk about it and help available wasn’t something I could find in a school library. I was pretty much on my own, until high school. Something about my counselor made me want to open up to her, she had this personality that let me know, she was here for me, I could trust her, and I was not along. She gave me a notebook, one she let me hide anywhere I wanted in her office and not tell her. Anytime I was having problems, I’d come to her office, kick her out for a short period of time, take my notebook and write whatever I wanted. And I tested her too, I wanted to see if she really was reading it. I wrote about my suicidal thoughts and she never said anything, I knew she wasn’t reading it or she’d have to report it. That was my first small amount of help. She helped me.
When I hit college, the counselor there wasn’t so good. In fact she downright sucked! She made me want to kill myself! So I quit going, I couldn’t take our “sessions” anymore. Instead, since the internet was becoming more popular, I grabbed my computer and started looking up my own ways to help myself and I found them. But the one thing that helped me the most, more than anything else was this suicidal website I came across. I stumbled across it by accident but since that time I have read it several other times, some when I start feeling suicidal thoughts coming on or even just to remind me.
I have my bad days, the days I can’t control my thoughts, but for the most part, I am extremely glad to be alive! After years of troubles, the doctors have finally officially diagnosed me with ADHD and dyslexia, which means I am getting the help I needed all along. And I don’t feel so alone now that I know the reason behind my problems.
I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t give up! I have been there, many time, things really do get better! You’re life is so worth living! Please get the help you need, there are people out there that want to help you! I promise! You are not alone!
Below are a few videos, please take the time to watch and listen to the lyrics. Below each video is a link to the lyrics for the songs. Read the words.