And So It Begins

Warning: This post will be random and all over, I’m not sure where exactly this post will go, just so you know.

First, the game has begun. The Captain was notified that he is to report to the Assistant Police Chief as soon as he reports for duty. He if flipping out! He’s texting everyone, asking why he needs to go there, and honestly, the people he is texting do not know. I know why but I’m not about to tell him, besides he never asked me.

This guy is the type of person that if you told him his mom was here looking for him, he’d flip out and question you non-stop until he got here on why his mom was here, he’s just that guilty and scared all the time. I have this problem too, but it’s not because I’m guilty of anything, it’s a product of my past, something that I am also working on. So now we wait…in about 3 hours he should be arriving from class, given his letter, escorted to his car, then escorted out of town by PD, mostly for the safety of those employees on duty today, more specifically for me. The Chief is concerned about him trying to come after me and blame me for this given our history. Honestly I could take the guy, but I’d rather not have to try.

More on this soon, for now, the next topic.

While I’m discussing topics, let’s talk about Topix for a moment. Have you seen this crap?!?! If not, it’s probably better you never look at it, especially if you live in a small town like where I work. People are brutal! It’s horrible! Posting peoples full names, addresses, bad things about people..it’s just horrible! I am all for protecting my First Amendment right, but this site really needs to go. It’s cause a suicide in one of the towns I currently work in…it’s just bad news bears!

People recently got on there and started bitching about the ambulances being left running when the crews go out to the store or eat and just being out of the station to begin with…I’d like to discuss this a moment for all you people out there, especially those that are bitching about this.

First, crews leaving the station in the truck…”you’re wasting our gas and tax dollars”…fair point, but let me show you more sides of this. Where I work we are allowed to take a pager and go anywhere within the city limits we’d like, cool, but we RARELY do this if we are on the next up truck to be dispatched. So lets say I’m on the next up truck, you don’t like us using the trucks to run and get food, I decide to take my own car (not a big deal). I drive down the street, have to cross the highway because the stores aren’t on this side, wait in traffic and stop lights, get down and start getting my food from the store. As I’m inside getting food the pager goes off. I have to drop everything, go to my car, get back across the highway and wait in all the lights because it’s illegal for me to run them, get to the station, look up the address, then respond. How long do you think that takes? No instead, we took the truck to get food…a call came in. We drop everything, go to the truck, look up the address, and respond…no driving to pick the truck up. If you were the one that needed me at that very second, you’d be happy I had the truck right? It’s only ok if you need me, right? Is that how it works?

Now the second, leaving the trucks running, and this seems to be a major problem with people, especially with “tree huggers” (pardon my choice of words). We carry life saving equipment, including medications which are designed to only be stored within a certain temperature range, some of which is about 10 degree range. Without the truck running, it’s unable to maintain a certain temperature. In the winter it can keep the cold out better, but in the dead of summer those trucks heat up FAST! It can be very bad and VERY expensive to replace all the medications. Have you ever noticed that trucks are always parked inside “bays” when at the station? These bays are temperature regulated and help protect the medication from hitting the temperature extremes. So you don’t want us to leave the truck running…fine, lets turn it off and let it heat up in our 100 degree summer. Now you call 911…we respond but can’t use the medication to help you because the temperature is too hot. You’re also mad at us because it’s burning up inside the truck. Sorry, you bitched about it being left running. It takes a while for the AC to be able to catch up, we don’t have the money to afford specific AC units for the box part of the ambulance like some places. Have you ever tried to warm up or cool off a van or SUV from the 1990’s or older…takes a while, doesn’t it?

It is a proven fact that you can’t please 20% of people. You can offer 100 people $100 and 20 of them will not be happy. Some will be mad that they now have to pay high taxes because they are in a different tax bracet. Other’s might complain that your $100 “gift” means they have to pay $120 to their accountant to fill out different paperwork, so now it costs them more money. You can never please everyone. So despite everyone complaining, we will still continue to eat and when the temperature is extreme, we will be leaving the trucks running. Sorry, you’ll just have to bitch and complain, it’s not going to change. I’m off my soapbox…for now. : )

I’m still looking for another good book to start reading. I feel lost right now not reading anything. I loved Fifty Shades but man I wish I hadn’t read it so fast! It was SO good and I couldn’t wait to keep reading, but it ended too fast for me. I miss it, miss the story and heading the next adventure in their lives. Now what…? I don’t know what to read now, I need another good book! Help!! Any suggestions out there? I really hate when a good book ends!

The wait continues…I have typed all that within 30 minutes and now I wait some more…

Tonight I’m going to meet my man and we plan on talking some, discussing our future together. I can’t wait to spend my life with him and we have the same ideas about raising children. He currently has 3, and though I get along with them, they are pretty useless. The oldest has no job, bumming off his dad, living at home, about to lose his car cause it can’t pass inspection. The second youngest got knocked up early, living with her unstable boyfriend, no job for either of them, living off state money, and bumming off her dad. The youngest at least has a job, but she’s a royal bitch and downright evil to her dad. They are horrible. And he feeds it a lot, though that has changed more recently with my guidance. He gives them everything and allows them to feed off him. He complains that they are independent but he continues to allow that, which he’s been working on. I can’t blame him fully, his wife ran off when the youngest was just 4 and he’s been on his own, giving them what they want to make up for what she did.

We’ve both agreed how we want it when we have kids, we want the same things. We want them to be independent and strong, hard workers like both of us. I refuse to be a crutch for my child, not having that from my parents made me the person I am today, however I refuse to treat my kids the way my parents treated me. I want them to grow up in a loving, caring, and nurturing house but teach them the skills it takes to succeed in life. I really hope I do ok. I’m determined to break the cycle! I pray I will not treat my children like my parents treated me, I don’t want them to suffer and be on their own, I want them to know I’m there for them! I don’t want them struggling with suicide like I did. I just don’t want that.

This has been quit the post today. I don’t want it to get too long. I have been full of words more lately, opening up more, this is all thanks to my friend/counselor. He has helped me SO much and is helping me get to the place I want to be. One day I will be where I need to be and it will be thanks to him. I can’t wait to be “normal” and have a “normal” life and get past my past. One day.

Now, I continue to wait…if I am unable to entertain myself, expect more posts…don’t worry, I will update you once the Captain is escorted out. I really do hope, for my sake and any other girl that might start working here, that today is the last day we ever see him.

Everyone Has a Secret

Secrets. We all have them. Some more than others, others darker than most. We all love them. I was know as the “Secret Keeper” in high school, something that has stuck with me to this day. People have this need to tell me everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, and then tell me I can’t tell anyone. Not a problem, secrets are always safe with me. In high school I knew everything, it was hard coming up with something to tell me that I hadn’t already heard, but everyone knew I wouldn’t talk. Once a secret went in me, it never came back out. If you ask me not to tell anyone (or even if it’s implied) then I will not tell a soul. Which is probably the reason I was drawn to the book I plan on talking about today.

I love books but I can’t read. Let me clarify. I am dyslexic and therefore reading is a chore for me. I can’t “read” words. You give me a word I have never seen and heard together, then I can’t read it. I can’t sound it out and I can’t comprehend it. This doesn’t mean I’m stupid, in fact the opposite, I was one of the smartest in my class. I have learned to adapt and overcome. I have learned to memorize. If I see a word and someone says it for me then I’ve successfully learned that word. If I’ve heard a word my whole life but never seen it written out…well, I have plenty of examples of how that went and it wasn’t good. So for the record, I can’t “read” but I have learned how to overcome this.

With that said, I’ll say it again…I love books!!! But I feel stupid because I’m still in the “young adult” section. I haven’t expanded my vocabulary enough to hit most of the adult books, I can’t read them. I am a Harry Potter kid, those books are the reason I started reading. I felt so connected to the story and a part of it. JK Rowling sure has a knack for pulling the reader in! After that I started reading everything I could get my hands on! I have an entire bookshelf overflowing with books and I can’t wait to have a house so I can have an office/library full of book! That’s my plan, along with a handful of children to bring into this world. I can’t wait to have kids! But that’s a different story for another time. Today’s story is about secrets, specifically one involving a great President of this nation, Mr. John F Kennedy.

My grandparents still talk about the kind of President he was, a person that everyone liked. I love hearing stories about the past, whether it’s our nations history, stories of the world, or just someone telling about their past, I love to listen. After JFK’s death it became known that he loved his women and he loved to have a lot of them in his life. There are stories, newspaper articles, books, and even some movies on the subject, but there is one book in particular that caught my attention. This book just grabbed me and pulled me in, much like the Harry Potter series. I started this book yesterday afternoon and finished it early this morning. It was so good I couldn’t put it down and fall asleep. If you’re into history, untold stories, secrets, love affairs, or just enjoy reading I think you too will enjoy this book. What is this book you ask…

Once Upon a Secret by Mimi Alford

“In the summer of 1962, nineteen-year-old Mimi Beardsley arrived by train in Washington, D.C., to begin an internship in the White House press office. The Kennedy Administration had reinvigorated the capital and the country—and Mimi was eager to contribute. For a young woman from a privileged but sheltered upbringing, the job was the chance of a lifetime. Although she started as a lowly intern, Mimi made an impression on Kennedy’s inner circle and, after just three days at the White House, she was presented to the President himself.
 
Almost immediately, the two began an affair that would continue for the next eighteen months.
 
In an era when women in the workplace were still considered “girls,” Mimi was literally a girl herself—naive, innocent, emotionally unprepared for the thrill that came when the President’s charisma and power were turned on her full-force. She was also unprepared for the feelings of isolation that would follow as she fell into the double life of a college student who was also the secret lover of the most powerful man in the world. Then, after the President’s tragic death in Dallas, she grieved in private, locked her secret away, and tried to start her life anew, only to find that her past would cast a long shadow—and ultimately destroy her relationship with the man she married.
 
In 2003, a Kennedy biographer mentioned “a tall, slender, beautiful nineteen-year-old college sophomore and White House intern, who worked in the press office” in reference to one of the President’s affairs. The disclosure set off a tabloid frenzy and soon exposed Mimi and the secret that she had kept for forty-one years. Because her past had been revealed in such a shocking, public way, she was forced, for the first time, to examine the choices she’d made. She came to understand that shutting down one part of her life so completely had closed her off from so much more.
 
No longer defined by silence or shame, Mimi Alford has finally unburdened herself with this searingly honest account of her life and her extremely private moments with a very public man. Once Upon a Secret offers a new and personal depiction of one of our most iconic leaders and a powerful, moving story of a woman coming to terms with her past and moving out of the shadows to reclaim the truth.”

Quoted from Amazon

This book was so well written and interesting to hear. It’s hard to believe that with so many people around this would be possible, but I have no doubt in my mind that it really did happen. Part of what also drew me in was this is an age gap story as well, however it shows that there are bad sides to age gap relationships. In this book Mimi talks about 3 particular instances where President Kennedy used his age and power over her, but she finally stood up to him. It’s also interesting to see a different side of the President, a side that very few people know and talk about. I think you will enjoy this book. It was a quick read for me, someone who can’t read, so you can probably finish it in a few hours. If you do read it please let me know what you think.

“I kept this secret with near-religious discipline for more than forty years, confiding only in a handful of people, including my first husband. I never told my parents, or my children. I assumed it would stay my secret until I died.
It didn’t.” -quoted from Once Upon a Secret, Chapter 1