Promised

I made a promise and I never break promises. At least not when it is all within my control and I will not be breaking this one.

I promised Rocks I would be sticking around, so I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck listening to my useless rambles, at least for now. Sorry. I’m blaming Rocks for this! You can too! : ) Looks like you’re stuck with me for a while longer…at least for as long as I am needed. After that…well maybe someone else will need me.

I don’t believe I have depression because I don’t fit the signs of it. I know it’s not bi-polar because I was tested for that a while ago. I think it’s a combination of ADHD and that PTSD (from my past). I have been through a lot growing up, more than I have even mentioned here and maybe I will go back and start telling that story. Either way, I struggle every day with suicidal thoughts. I can’t stop it, it just happens. I could be happy, having a good day and the thought goes through my mind. I don’t always want it there, but it happens almost daily. It gets much worse when things are bad, then I sit there and dwell on the thought, sometimes planning it all out. I’ll admit it, I have some good plans. Sorry.

Despite all of it and what goes through my head, I made a promise and I will not break it. I’m here to stay and not allowed to give up just yet.