Year One

I’m taking a break from studying and blogging tonight because according to WordPress I started my blog one year ago today. So what has changed in this year..well nothing really. Still love my man! Still hate hell job. And oddly enough I’m still in school! But I’m blogging today for more than just the fact that you guys have been stuck reading this crap for a year now. I’m pissed off! Sorry! I’ll warn you now…just skip this one, your life will be better.

I might as well start with class. Critical Care is kicking my ass! Holy shit!! And I’m only in the beginning! My man says I’m way more intelligent than I give myself credit for and that I’ll do just fine but I’m still scared! I don’t want to fail this! He spent several hours out of his busy schedule to quiz me and I did great! So far…now I just need to study more. But for now a break and my blog!

I had a talk recently with my man about his jobs. He changed his part time job recently, said it would be better for us because he’ll have more time off. Well, he has NOT had more time off and I see him about 25% of what I did before. I sent him a very long e-mail about it, basically telling him how I feel. I sent the e-mail because given my past, I’m poor at communication, and because I never see him to tell him. He took it really well and has been trying to do better so he took some time off to sit with me and study tonight. He also promised to meet me for a couple hours before my test on Friday. God I pray I pass this shit! I will also be turning in my application and resume package to the other job in hopes that something happens with that.

Now the reason I’m so pissed off. Chief Bitch and hell job! First, once again the bitch has NOT responded to my e-mails! She was given information LAST week that she NEVER bothered to pass on to me! Then I show up to work today…it’s 61 degrees INSIDE!!! Yea, it’s a whole 12 degrees outside!! WTF!?!? The furnace went out LAST FUCKING WEEK!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! She’s fucking USELESS!!! She’s going on about how she has to get bids and shit…you don’t have to get fucking BIDS! This is a fucking EMERGENCY SITUATION!!! You don’t have to fucking wait for bids!!! I fucking froze my ass off!!!!! I’m livid! Which is why I left the station to meet my man and warm up! And not like that, just meet and study.

I meet with one of the Assistant Chiefs of Police about working with the officers and seeing how many are interested in the suicide training. He said I did an excellent job of presenting all the information to him and he’s sold! Awesome! Now he just needs to present it to his guys and see how they like the idea and I need to present it to Chief Bitch…FUCK! She’s going to be a livid fucking bitch about it…just great! The training officer is out right now, he was the one I working with on it. Ugh! I’m just going to wait and see for a while if he is coming back soon so I can avoid the bitch! She just makes life such a living fucking hell for me! And it’s all stupid fucking shit!

Now, on the to next bullshit that pissed me off with today in hell job. I’ve been working as a medic longer and have been licensed longer than this other idiot that was working today but he thinks he knows everything. He’s a Paragod! He will only get up to do something if he knows someone is watching, otherwise he sits on his ass. He’s a piss pour medic. He’s an arrogant fucking asshole! Well my truck gets sent on a call and he decides to self dispatch himself…I told him to disregard, he went anyway. I get on scene and tell him he’s not needed. He STILL continues to respond!! Then comes in the house “just to see if everything is ok”! Are you fucking shitting me?!?! If I fucking needed you, I would tell you to come! Leave me the fuck alone! I’m not fucking stupid! I can handle my fucking patients! I just wanted to walk out and say, “here, since you’re here handle this one!” It just pisses me the fuck off! You became a medic AFTER me and you think you are going to help ME?! Now I’m not saying I know everything, because I don’t, but I’ve been his ass first hand on a calls…not pretty!

Anyway, that is life right now. Or at least life today. I’m going crazy. This job makes me want to visit the local bridge with all the other jumpers! But for now all I can do is say FUCK YOU! And continue to put my focus on studying. I couldn’t really afford this class and didn’t have time to apply for scholarships, so I better get my ass in gear and pass this crap the first time!

You Might Cry

This is my warning…you might cry. I’m sorry, I just feel it is EXTREMELY important to share these videos so please watch and share with other’s out there! Especially the second one and you will read why shortly.

This first video was created by the Chicago Fire Department called “Everyone Goes Home.” It is moving and discusses the importance of safety. Everything from your seat belt to calling a mayday. Even if you’re not in the fire service, you might find this eye opening and interesting.

The next video I find VERY important for the public to watch, more so than the firefighters out there. This is moving and you will cry, trust me! All the guys did when we watched this. It talks about budget cuts and maybe the next time you are voting on taxes that include fire/EMS you might start thinking about this video. There are places taxes and money needs to be cut, such as in the salary of those government employees sitting in their nice and comfortable offices or their vacation homes…but it’s not in Military, Police, Fire, nor EMS. As you saw in my past posts…the majority of public safety officials cannot support themselves, let alone a family, on their income of one job that’s why we require so many. But despite that, we will never quit the job we love. We love serving the public and ask little in return so show some respect please.

Please share these stories, they are extremely important. Thank you.

What’s Your Secret?

It’s another Sunday and this time I won’t be spending it silent. I’m still having a rough time not having my man around and it’s even harder not being able to talk to him at all. : ( I need him back, bad!

Since it’s Sunday, that means PostSecret has been updated. Last night while checking the site, I came across this video and I really wanted to share. I was inspired by some of these people, one girl I really related to. One of the guys changed my thinking. It’s crazy how one small thing said can change everything. So watch it, enjoy, and then be brave…what is your secret? Besides, you’re completely anonymous here, right? That’s what blogging is all about, especially like this. No one knows me, why not share all?

Decisions…Did I Make the Right One

I am completely exhausted but can’t sleep, so here I am, ridding my head of the thoughts keeping me awake.

Today I worked the “new” job, which I’m loving!! I love all the people so far, they are super nice to me! And I love everything about it. It’s just wonderful there!! Especially compared to where I’m stuck now! After a full day at my better job, I’m stuck in hell (the old job) because not a single person would answer me to take this shift. They have taken this “ignore her” plan to a whole new level!

I’m really hating the fact that I decided to come back…and I’m dreading more than ever when the exCaptain returns! In one week exactly he comes back and I’m stuck with him the entire day! I’m so fucked!! And another week after that, I’m stuck with him and his worst buddies. The ones that witnessed what he did to me but swear I was the one laying my hands on him…I won’t what he bribed them with to say that…I hate liars, especially ones that will lie for the highest briber! So I’m suppose to be with them for 24 hours however I’m feeling a case of the flu might be coming on. I’m about 99% sure I’m calling off. If I don’t call off then you better keep all guns, hammers, ropes, scissors, knives, ice picks, and basically any sharp or dangerous object away from me! For my sake, but mostly for theirs.

Though I could come in and really fuck with them…that’s another option. Since we’re not required to stay in the building, I’m feeling some walks, visits to the park, shopping, and anything that keeps me out of the building is a great possibility! Anyone care to join me for lunch?? : )

I’ll know this time next week how good my decision was…I’m thinking I made a bad one here.

Remember me?

I’m alive! Wow, life has been crazy lately. I’m starting one new job while my awesome man is leaving one. It’s crazy where life can take you and I sure hope mine is taking me in the right direction! I had a very rough and difficult past, easy to a select few out there, but difficult to most. Many people would not have been able to handle the life I was given. When I was younger I used to pray every single day that my life would end or someone would rescue me…that rescue finally came recently. I was despirate for a different life, a “normal” one, but looking back now I’m grateful for the life I had, it made me the person I am today. A person I am proud of and ever grateful to be. Life wasn’t easy, but I’m glad it wasn’t different.

Something I hate most in life is being accused, especially when it’s not true. I hate being accused of something I wasn’t involved in, something I didn’t do, and something I didn’t say. There has been a lot of people at work accusing me of things that are all false just because I work my ass off. I’m cleaning trucks every shift I’m on, I teach CPR and first aid, I volunteer for events, I do all kinds of stuff and my co-workers hate that, I guess it makes them look bad. So instead of getting up and helping out they’ve decided to accuse me of stuff instead. It pisses me off more than anything else in life.

I’m tired of that job, everyone is still stuck in junior high and so fucking immature! As soon as hours start to pick up at my new job I’m done with that stupid ass place and I can’t wait!!!! Life is going to be SO much better! For now…I suffer through hell and make do the best I can.