Warning: Do Not Speak Of It

Warning: Do Not Read.

My mind is all over tonight, from one thought to another, which never turns to good things. I should apologize now…I’m sorry. My mind is not in a good place right now.

Why is it so easy for me? So easy to think about the easy way out? The unspeakable? It’s so easy for me to turn to that option, to plan it out, to wonder how but never to do. Something always holds me back, something keeps me here, and that something is starting to piss me off.

This job is killing me and maybe if it does that’ll mean help in the future for other people that end up in the position I am in. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t work here but can’t survive without the income. I can’t end my life either. Now I’m just hoping I will get lucky and someone or something will do it for me!

I was doing so good, but once again everything had to come along and fuck it all up for me. Every single time. I guess I’m meant to suffer. I’m suppose to hurt. I’m suppose to be punished. And I’m not luck enough to get the easy way out.