Complications

Just one of life’s many joys.

Day two on the new job was amusing and everyone made me feel right at home. I had a lot of fun, once again stuck with all guys but after all the bitches problem at my previous job, I don’t mind this at all. They made it fun for me. So far I like everyone I have worked with and met. They had a lot of fun with me too. It wasn’t all fun and games though, we had two pediatric full arrests, both deceased upon our arrival. Sad day for the families and caused by stupid mistakes. Please people, NEVER put your kid in bed with you! Due to this simple mistake, two families are without their angels. Just so sad.

Recently I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. No, I’m not one of those people that jump on the bandwagon and started reading this because it’s a New York Times Bestseller. I bought these books a while back and just never got around to reading it, which I finally decided to do with the rest of America. Let me just say it is an amazing book so far! But man, I just want to scream out to Ana!! Men can be intoxicating but can’t she see what is he doing?! Why does she let him do this to her?? I just want to scream at her to run!! Run as far away as you can!! I won’t share any details in case you haven’t read it, but you really should. It’ll pull you in from the beginning. I can’t wait to read the next books in the series.

And to conclude this post…I am a ball of emotions today and they have made me cry this evening over the dumbest thing…I don’t know why I started crying but I couldn’t stop the tears once they came. See, I have a dirtbike and riding it is my escape. It was the way I relaxed, I loved it. It helped me more than I can explain. When I ride, that’s all I think about, for once my mind is focused on just one thing, that’s it. My ex (toxic) boyfriend bought it for me and I loved it from the moment I got it. We used to ride all the time. After we broke up he let me keep it, though I think this was to torture me because I now have no one to ride with and no way to haul it.

The bike has been sitting in the garage for the past two years just tempting me. I haven’t been able to ride it or do anything with it and it just majorly sucks! Today I let it get to me too much and I’m not really sure why, but it got to me so much that I started crying. Crazy…I know. I just miss it so much! Being with my OM is great, but he’s not as into riding as I am and neither of us have a way to get it anywhere that I can ride. He also doesn’t feel comfortable with me going with a bunch of guys (understandable) but the problem is…this is a guys sport…I don’t know any girls that ride…it just sucks all around. I hope to get a truck and/or trailer soon though so I can take it places, but that still doesn’t fix the fact that I have no one to ride with…you never ride alone. I’m just really missing it right now… : ( But it’s all a “First World Problem” right?

Regardless of all that, I would never trade my older man for someone younger, even if they could take me riding. He treats me way too good!! He is the best thing that ever happened to me! And it’s not like he doesn’t want me to go riding, we just don’t have a way to go right now. I hope with time that changes.

Day One

My first official day at the new job and it was awesome!! I was so scared and nervous, which I still am slightly because I’m finally working as a medic, but they made me feel like a fit! Everyone was so nice and helpful! I still have a lot to learn and I’m scared shitless about being a medic on my own, but it’s so exciting! It’s always slightly difficult starting a new job, learning the ways, what to do, and how everyone operates, but that will come in time. I feel like I fit in great so far and every single person I have met has been just extra nice and helpful…rural areas are always so much better than cities! People are just all around nicer! I can’t wait to start working more hours there and phase out at the hell I’m stuck in now! In fact, I sent my Chief a letter informing him of my new job (which he helped me get with an amazing letter of recommendation):

Chief *******,

I am writing today to inform you that I am starting a new career and will be working less shifts with (our organization) after June 2012. I am by no means quitting (said job), I am just informing you that my hours will be less. If CPR classes are needed, PR events need staffed, or anything else is needed in town, please feel free to e-mail or call me anytime. If it does not conflict with my schedule, I am more than willing to help.

Due to recent activities within the EMS department, I can no longer continue to work as many hours as I have. I am sorry for giving this information after all you have done for me, however I can not continue working with the staff and enjoy my job. It is time for me to cut back for my own self. But please know, I am not quitting and am more than willing to teach, work events, and continue to operate as an EMT on the ambulance.

I am not giving up, but I am unable to work as often at (our organization) with the staff. I am worn out from being one of the few that help out and work. Due to the supervisory staff and lack of support, I feel I am being poorly treated and can no longer continue to come to work and function to the best of my ability. It is a struggle to do my job without wanting to complain or feel like I need to yell at a fellow employee. I do not like this part of myself and want to prevent it from happening. I feel very little appreciation for the work I do and rarely get help.

Thank you for everything you have taught me, I appreciate your training and knowledge to help start me in this field. It will not go forgotten.

Thank you,
************

The worst days of those who enjoy what they do, are better than the best days of those who don’t. – E. James Rohn

I got sent out on just one call today, crazy considering they have ran over 4,300 calls for the year so far, but the field training officer I was with said I did a great job. He told me I’d fit in great here and am doing very well for myself. That’s very exciting considering it’s my very first day and I only ran one call! All the medics I rode with on my student time for paramedic school always said what an awesome job I did, but I’m not completely sure where they got that idea…I feel scared and sometimes completely lost!! I guess that comes with being a new medic, but the people I ride with say I do awesome all around. They have said I have great paramedic skills and I am great with the patients too. I never want to stop learning and hope to become the paramedic everyone claims I already am.
Besides working like crazy I have been spending as much time as I can with my awesome man. : ) He’s so good to me and for me! Recently a fellow bloggers left a comment about cutting ties with family. This happens to be something I have thought about very much and I’d like to share my thoughts here so they can get out of my head. I have read a lot before about abused children and cutting ties with their family, I have had a discussion with a close friend/personal therapist, and I think this would truly be the best choice for me.
My family can be extremely toxic and bring me down a lot, some days they don’t know they are doing it, other days they seem to get joy out of it, and none of it is good for me. I need to get myself away from them to heal fully. There are now two reasons for me to cut ties with my family if they don’t straight up their act. One is the abuse, I need time to heal. The other reason is being in my age gap relationship. I have had this discussion with my older man and he knows the sacrifice I may have to make, and he fully tried to walk away, I told him no. I refuse to let my family stand in the way of our relationship and how amazing it has been for my life.
I’m having a very hard time lately getting my mind to focus fully, next time i will not let my medicine run out. I am going to watch The Blind Side, if you’ve never seen it or read the book then I highly suggest you go now!! I will watch this movie and then maybe later tonight or this week I can refocus and write everything racing in my mind. Good night world! : )

Nervous!!

Finally starting my new job tomorrow and I am extremely nervous! I haven’t been practicing as a paramedic since I finished my student run time in November and it’s got me scared…help!! I guess it’s going to be an early night of sleep for me and tomorrow I can share about my first official day!

Unfortunately I don’t get to see my OM man until the end of this week. Tomorrow is his kids birthday so he’s taking him on a float trip, I’m all for it and cool with it, but it just sucks I can’t see him. That and his children aggravate me a lot…his son, the oldest and who’s birthday it is, has no job, got fired for selling pot on the property in front of cameras, and can’t find another one. He’s living at home rent free and his dad is paying for everything and he expects his dad to PAY HIM to do house chores…uh, pardon my language but FUCK NO!!

Then next one down..she’s not much better. Can’t hold a job, has a kid, living off the government. Baby’s daddy is all whacked out, has been calling off work and refusing to leave his room because the pawn shop sold his playstation…seriously?!?! Neither of them can get, nor hold a job. I turned in one friend for using the government…I’m just tired of people living off our money! There are far too many of them.

Finally there is the youngest kid…she’s a piece of work but at least she works. She’s a total bitch though! Complete bitch to her dad and everyone. Then is going on vacation with a friend and had to nerve to ask her dad, who just quit one of his many jobs, for money because she doesn’t have any for the vacation…uh, again…FUCK NO! I don’t get it…I could never pull the shit they do without feeling bad. I was raised better I guess, or more like just raised in fear of my parents.

I just hate all the crap they put him through daily, it’s not fair to him. : ( My older mans sister has all kinds of money and wants him to move out there with her and she said his kids are in no way allowed to follow him!! Everyone knows how horrible they are. I just don’t get it, I don’t see how you can live your life like they do.

New Car, Bad Day

As you saw from my post yesterday, I got myself a new car! So exciting!! I have never bought a new car so it was a big step for me. I have an older Chevy Caviler that has 178,000 miles on it and still going strong, but I need to upgrade and get something newer just in case. I decided not to trade in the Caviler because currently one of my jobs has a 50 mile ONE WAY trip to get to and I also want something I don’t care as much about to run around in and rack up the miles on. When looking for a new car I knew I wanted a Chevy just because my luck has been great with them, but I couldn’t decide if I wanted the Malibu or the Cruze. After looking at the size I decided the Cruze was the car for me. Took two days to find a dealer willing to come down to my price and the deal was done…best part, they had the exact car I wanted so I didn’t have to compromise on anything either. Score.

I mentioned in my previous post, When it Rains, it Pours!, about an accident I witnessed a Cruze in and I would like to share more about this accident. I am going to copy information from a local news website, but for my protection I will not include a link or details about the site that posted it, just know this is not my information and shared from another site.

No Major Injuries Reported

It appears miraculous that there were no initial reports of any major injuries in today’s three-vehicle accident. All four people involved were able to walk to ambulances, suffering what appeared to be only minor injuries.

A semi-tractor trailer was traveling southbound just before 1:30 p.m. today, Saturday, March 5. The driver of the truck apparently didn’t see the light turn red at the intersection, according to witness, who was in his car nearby. Witness stated a Chevy Cruze driven by a man was on a side road, had the green light and proceeded to turn left to get onto the northbound lanes. At this point, the semi-tractor broadsided the car states the witness. Luckily, the brand new Chevy Cruze purchased recently was equipped with multiple layers of airbags which provided protection to the driver. He was able to exit the car and walk to an ambulance.

The semi then clipped a Jeep Cherokee in the roadway before rolling over multiple times. The semi proceeded to roll across the northbound lanes, missing several approaching cars and came to rest on its side in a ditch. The contents of the trailer, lime sludge, along with its diesel fuel tanks soon began to flow onto the road and into a ditch. The driver of the truck and a passenger were both able to exit the cab of the semi and enter an ambulance. The driver of the Cherokee appeared uninjured.

Police, ambulance and firefighters soon arrived on the scene. EMTs soon had the patients en route to area hospitals. The police officers stopped all lanes of traffic from 1:30 p.m. through 7:30 p.m. as the accident left a wide swath of debris across the roadway. Towing was called to the scene to remove the vehicles off the roadway.

Take a nice long look at this picture…this guy WALKED AWAY from a DIRECT impact with a semi truck. The speed limit at this location is 50 mph and the semi truck was estimated at traveling at 54 mph before hitting the car and pushing it to the curb. This car was pushed approximately 50 feet and you can see some of the marks on the road showing it pushed.

Want a safe car? I think this is proof that the 5 star safety rating on this car can really live up to it’s name.

In other news, life has had quit the turns lately. Being in a relationship with an older man is not all fun and games and right now is one of those “down times” that come in all relationships. It’s really hard sometimes to keep him convinced that I’m not taking off for some younger guy and today he just struck a nerve and I went off. He makes suggestions all the time and jokes that I’m going to leave for someone younger, better looking, and more active…let’s just say my older man can out do me some days, is definitely not bad looking, and I am NOT after the younger ones (too immature). Today he made a reference about me running off to find a younger guy and that I probably already have one lined up, I just snapped. It really pissed me off today and partly because mother nature and her hormonal imbalance just sucks! I felt bad until he started some more.

After arguments about me having guys lined up he decided to send me a text that said I’m always so secretive but when I asked what that was suppose to mean he refused to respond. I don’t know that the hell is so secretive about me, he knows where I am all the time, he knows who I’m with, what I’m doing, who I talk to…he knows everything because I tell him but then he calls me secretive…what the fuck?! He knows everything about me all the time! It just pisses me off. I HATE overbearing and I HATE controlling!! If he is going to start acting like either…well this just won’t work.

I wish he could just get it through his head that I don’t have other plans and I’m not running off, but until then my communication line is shut down. I decided to let him think on his own for a while. I turned off my phone and it has been off all afternoon and evening. If anyone needs to get a hold of me they know how, but I’m done having this pointless discussion for now. It just went in circles and I ended that. I will not be accused, especially of being secretive and have no backing on how I’m acting that way. I’m done talking and he can go think about it.

It hurts a little bit, not having my best friend to talk to, especially when I have both exciting and depressing news. I could really use being held right now too, but for now I will stay strong and let him think a little bit while I do the same. Sometimes it’s good to take a short break from each other and spend a little time in your own head. My head…well it will take about a million posts to even start to sort that one out and even then you will be so confused and convinced that I need to be locked up. Maybe one day someone will fully understand me, I hate being trapped inside it all the time and not being about to share with anyone, especially the one person I want to most. Once again, some days I am thankful for the way I was raised, the abuse kept me straight and I work very hard for what I have. Other days, I hate this more than anything and wish I had been raised “normal” and with love.

First Day

At the new job that is. It was awesome!! Everyone there was so nice and helpful and made me feel right at home. I love it so far! We’ll see how things go when I’m released to the crews, but so far I like it. I like the people in charge and I’m ready to get started! : ) I can’t wait to go back. Unfortunately due to it being final’s time I’m teaching too much to go back until May, but that’s ok. I have time to study up some before I start “working”, which I’m slightly nervous about. When I did my paramedic student time they let me make every decision, do the talking, call in reports…they treated me like I was a medic and let me do my thing. But now I am truly on my own…tad nervous about that, but every has that. I’m still unsure of myself when it comes to my medic skills, but I will do the best I can. While part of me is nervous, the other part of me is excited for this new step! I’ll be sure to share this new adventure with you all if you care to read.