Where Have the Days Gone??

Life has been crazy! As usual, crazy busy! I had wonderful orientation and tons of fun, despite the problem child starting problems. I love my new job, it was so much fun! I love the people there and the bosses seem to like me. What little time I do have off has been spent caching…or sleeping. I’m really not sure how much I have slept, but I know it’s not much. I’ve been getting horrible migraines lately which are keeping me from sleeping. If you have migraines then you know that not sleeping makes the migraines worse. I haven’t done much of anything lately.

I have tried hiding some geocaches lately, which isn’t going so well. There are some trails around here that charge a fee to be used, which apparently means these fall in the “commercial geocache” rules. I have reviewed them MANY times and I have even found geocaches that required a fee to access, but somehow these weren’t “commercial geocaches” and mine is. I swear, nothing is easy. We have some rough caachers around here and some tough reviewers. So now I’ll have to wait and see what groundspeak says, but I really hope these get approved because I have a wonderful idea with them! Damn rules!!

I’m going to lay down some more. I hope all my bloggers out there are living a great life! Have fun and smile!

Working My Ass Off!

Not that I have one to work off. One of my job, when I started there last year the guys swore they were going to make me fat. Well, they have failed so far because not only are they not making me fat, I seem to weigh less now. I’m one of those girls you hate because I can eat anything and everything and not gain an ounce. The difference between me and some of those girls though, I don’t go around calling myself fat. I also HATE that I can’t gain weight! I’m too freaking skinny and don’t like it at all!

Now with that said, I started my newest job this week. It has been my dream job! They keep telling us to be proud of ourselves, that not many people make it there. They picked us because we truly are the best in the field. Boy is the pressure on! I’m loving it! Loving the people, but the pressure…I’m freaking nervous! I’m afraid I don’t know enough, I’m afraid I’ll mess up, or not know the drugs or doses, or just…I’m fucking scared!!! But my man swears I know my stuff, that it all comes natural on a call, and that I was just born to be there. We shall see.

What does this job  have to do with having no ass? Well ALL of my uniform had to be ordered! I’m too freaking small! They had no shirts, dress shirts, polos, pants, boots, job shirts, coats…NOTHING in my size! They didn’t even have gear for me for vehicle accidents and what not. It’s horrible! But other than that…I FREAKING LOVE IT!!!!! They people are great, the job is great, the Chief is really cool, the officer staff is awesome…I just love it! I’m SO happy with the job! I will tell you more about the pressures and stuff, but for now I need sleep. I’m stuck at hell job tomorrow…it’s going to ruin my week!

Finally! Finally! FINALLY!!!!

Back when I started my EMS career, I had a department that was my goal to be on. I did everything to make it there, that’s what I wanted, that’s where I wanted to be. I haven’t posted much about this, but I did the written test for them a while back, then waited on a letter. After a wait that felt like FOREVER, I got a letter inviting me to the practical skills test.

I was SO nervous! But had a nice packet, cover letter, resume, reference letters, and handed it right to the Chief. They were impressed, where everyone else just brought the application and nothing more. My first test was ACLS…well FUCK! lol The patient lived, so I thought that was a good sign. Then moved on with the rest, the EKG test had me nervous because I wasn’t sure how much they wanted us to give, so I gave it all. I listed any MI, Axis deviation, you name it…I had it. I left there feeling ok, but not great because I was just nervous in general. I tried to laugh, look confident, and smile the entire time.

Today, while at the hospital with a patient, I ran into one of the guys that tested me. He recognized me, tracked me down, and said, “Hey, did you get your letter?” I wasn’t getting off till tonight, so I had no idea if it had come in the mail yet. I told him no, he said, “Oh well they mailed them yesterday so it sure be there today.” I told him I would be sure to look for it and to have a great shift. Then I started thinking…he said “did you get your letter”, not “how’d you do?” or anything like that…am I thinking too much into this? I tried to push it out of my mind.

A few hours later I got a text from my mom telling me a letter had come in the mail from the place I tested. I said ok and left it at that. I didn’t want her to open it because if I didn’t move on I know hearing it come from her would make it that much worse. It felt like the day took FOREVER after that! I mean FOREVER! Each time I looked at the clock I swear it had the same time on it! Finally, shift ended, rushed home to find my letter. I didn’t know what to do first…I felt it, it felt thick. Can I really open it? Geez…what if it’s a no…I’ll be so disappointed in myself. Finally I sat down with it, my puppy came to join me. I opened it up and…

I INTERVIEW NEXT WEEK!!!! This is JUST what I need!! : )

All New

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Hello 2013, I had plans to never meet you. My plans for 2012 were to never make it to Thanksgiving. That came and went, my next plan was to not have to go through Christmas and never have to see 2013, but then came a promise.

A 10 day challenge that has turned into much more. A promise I have to keep, however had it gets. Boy has it been hard!! I have spent many nights crying, most alone. I have planned and threw it out. I have sat alone, isolated. I have been torn down, broken, beaten, and belittled. I’m not sure how I keep going.

I spent my New Years working, most if it, then went to see my man and just cried! I spent my New Years in his arms crying. Sunday I left work with a horrible migraine that just keep getting worse. I cried, hard. Tears. So much pain. And I was stuck home alone with no one to help me, I cried more. Went to hell job Monday to deal with more shit than I care to write out right now! I hope that bitch gets run over by a fucking semi!! Then went to my man and just crying from pain. Emotionally and physically. I just cried.

Today…I’m starting day 1 of no work. Fucking bitch! And her retaliation! I’m waiting to see what February’s schedule has before I go to the high boss. I have detailed documentation of every single thing that has happened since October…she is so fucked!

For now…sleep. My body is exhausted. Happy New Year to all my blogging friends! I hope you had a wonderful time!

Migraine Day 2

Day two of a migraine. My man has been over yesterday and today caring for me the best he can. He hates seeing me suffer, he said it breaks his heart. After 48 hours of suffering and just getting worse, he called my doctor. Naturally she is out of town for the week but another doctor in the office approved a new pain medicine for me with the promise to come in next week.

Thank you God! And thank you to this doctor! I’m not 100% better, have a slight ache in my head, if you have migraines you know what I’m talking about, but this stuff is working better than anything I’ve ever tried!! Finally! Something that works!! I will only use it if I have to because it’s a narcotic, which can be very addicting and I don’t want that. But when I truly need it, I know it’s going to work! Finally! Let’s just hope it stays working!

Complications

Just one of life’s many joys.

Day two on the new job was amusing and everyone made me feel right at home. I had a lot of fun, once again stuck with all guys but after all the bitches problem at my previous job, I don’t mind this at all. They made it fun for me. So far I like everyone I have worked with and met. They had a lot of fun with me too. It wasn’t all fun and games though, we had two pediatric full arrests, both deceased upon our arrival. Sad day for the families and caused by stupid mistakes. Please people, NEVER put your kid in bed with you! Due to this simple mistake, two families are without their angels. Just so sad.

Recently I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. No, I’m not one of those people that jump on the bandwagon and started reading this because it’s a New York Times Bestseller. I bought these books a while back and just never got around to reading it, which I finally decided to do with the rest of America. Let me just say it is an amazing book so far! But man, I just want to scream out to Ana!! Men can be intoxicating but can’t she see what is he doing?! Why does she let him do this to her?? I just want to scream at her to run!! Run as far away as you can!! I won’t share any details in case you haven’t read it, but you really should. It’ll pull you in from the beginning. I can’t wait to read the next books in the series.

And to conclude this post…I am a ball of emotions today and they have made me cry this evening over the dumbest thing…I don’t know why I started crying but I couldn’t stop the tears once they came. See, I have a dirtbike and riding it is my escape. It was the way I relaxed, I loved it. It helped me more than I can explain. When I ride, that’s all I think about, for once my mind is focused on just one thing, that’s it. My ex (toxic) boyfriend bought it for me and I loved it from the moment I got it. We used to ride all the time. After we broke up he let me keep it, though I think this was to torture me because I now have no one to ride with and no way to haul it.

The bike has been sitting in the garage for the past two years just tempting me. I haven’t been able to ride it or do anything with it and it just majorly sucks! Today I let it get to me too much and I’m not really sure why, but it got to me so much that I started crying. Crazy…I know. I just miss it so much! Being with my OM is great, but he’s not as into riding as I am and neither of us have a way to get it anywhere that I can ride. He also doesn’t feel comfortable with me going with a bunch of guys (understandable) but the problem is…this is a guys sport…I don’t know any girls that ride…it just sucks all around. I hope to get a truck and/or trailer soon though so I can take it places, but that still doesn’t fix the fact that I have no one to ride with…you never ride alone. I’m just really missing it right now… : ( But it’s all a “First World Problem” right?

Regardless of all that, I would never trade my older man for someone younger, even if they could take me riding. He treats me way too good!! He is the best thing that ever happened to me! And it’s not like he doesn’t want me to go riding, we just don’t have a way to go right now. I hope with time that changes.

Day One

My first official day at the new job and it was awesome!! I was so scared and nervous, which I still am slightly because I’m finally working as a medic, but they made me feel like a fit! Everyone was so nice and helpful! I still have a lot to learn and I’m scared shitless about being a medic on my own, but it’s so exciting! It’s always slightly difficult starting a new job, learning the ways, what to do, and how everyone operates, but that will come in time. I feel like I fit in great so far and every single person I have met has been just extra nice and helpful…rural areas are always so much better than cities! People are just all around nicer! I can’t wait to start working more hours there and phase out at the hell I’m stuck in now! In fact, I sent my Chief a letter informing him of my new job (which he helped me get with an amazing letter of recommendation):

Chief *******,

I am writing today to inform you that I am starting a new career and will be working less shifts with (our organization) after June 2012. I am by no means quitting (said job), I am just informing you that my hours will be less. If CPR classes are needed, PR events need staffed, or anything else is needed in town, please feel free to e-mail or call me anytime. If it does not conflict with my schedule, I am more than willing to help.

Due to recent activities within the EMS department, I can no longer continue to work as many hours as I have. I am sorry for giving this information after all you have done for me, however I can not continue working with the staff and enjoy my job. It is time for me to cut back for my own self. But please know, I am not quitting and am more than willing to teach, work events, and continue to operate as an EMT on the ambulance.

I am not giving up, but I am unable to work as often at (our organization) with the staff. I am worn out from being one of the few that help out and work. Due to the supervisory staff and lack of support, I feel I am being poorly treated and can no longer continue to come to work and function to the best of my ability. It is a struggle to do my job without wanting to complain or feel like I need to yell at a fellow employee. I do not like this part of myself and want to prevent it from happening. I feel very little appreciation for the work I do and rarely get help.

Thank you for everything you have taught me, I appreciate your training and knowledge to help start me in this field. It will not go forgotten.

Thank you,
************

The worst days of those who enjoy what they do, are better than the best days of those who don’t. – E. James Rohn

I got sent out on just one call today, crazy considering they have ran over 4,300 calls for the year so far, but the field training officer I was with said I did a great job. He told me I’d fit in great here and am doing very well for myself. That’s very exciting considering it’s my very first day and I only ran one call! All the medics I rode with on my student time for paramedic school always said what an awesome job I did, but I’m not completely sure where they got that idea…I feel scared and sometimes completely lost!! I guess that comes with being a new medic, but the people I ride with say I do awesome all around. They have said I have great paramedic skills and I am great with the patients too. I never want to stop learning and hope to become the paramedic everyone claims I already am.
Besides working like crazy I have been spending as much time as I can with my awesome man. : ) He’s so good to me and for me! Recently a fellow bloggers left a comment about cutting ties with family. This happens to be something I have thought about very much and I’d like to share my thoughts here so they can get out of my head. I have read a lot before about abused children and cutting ties with their family, I have had a discussion with a close friend/personal therapist, and I think this would truly be the best choice for me.
My family can be extremely toxic and bring me down a lot, some days they don’t know they are doing it, other days they seem to get joy out of it, and none of it is good for me. I need to get myself away from them to heal fully. There are now two reasons for me to cut ties with my family if they don’t straight up their act. One is the abuse, I need time to heal. The other reason is being in my age gap relationship. I have had this discussion with my older man and he knows the sacrifice I may have to make, and he fully tried to walk away, I told him no. I refuse to let my family stand in the way of our relationship and how amazing it has been for my life.
I’m having a very hard time lately getting my mind to focus fully, next time i will not let my medicine run out. I am going to watch The Blind Side, if you’ve never seen it or read the book then I highly suggest you go now!! I will watch this movie and then maybe later tonight or this week I can refocus and write everything racing in my mind. Good night world! : )

Nervous!!

Finally starting my new job tomorrow and I am extremely nervous! I haven’t been practicing as a paramedic since I finished my student run time in November and it’s got me scared…help!! I guess it’s going to be an early night of sleep for me and tomorrow I can share about my first official day!

Unfortunately I don’t get to see my OM man until the end of this week. Tomorrow is his kids birthday so he’s taking him on a float trip, I’m all for it and cool with it, but it just sucks I can’t see him. That and his children aggravate me a lot…his son, the oldest and who’s birthday it is, has no job, got fired for selling pot on the property in front of cameras, and can’t find another one. He’s living at home rent free and his dad is paying for everything and he expects his dad to PAY HIM to do house chores…uh, pardon my language but FUCK NO!!

Then next one down..she’s not much better. Can’t hold a job, has a kid, living off the government. Baby’s daddy is all whacked out, has been calling off work and refusing to leave his room because the pawn shop sold his playstation…seriously?!?! Neither of them can get, nor hold a job. I turned in one friend for using the government…I’m just tired of people living off our money! There are far too many of them.

Finally there is the youngest kid…she’s a piece of work but at least she works. She’s a total bitch though! Complete bitch to her dad and everyone. Then is going on vacation with a friend and had to nerve to ask her dad, who just quit one of his many jobs, for money because she doesn’t have any for the vacation…uh, again…FUCK NO! I don’t get it…I could never pull the shit they do without feeling bad. I was raised better I guess, or more like just raised in fear of my parents.

I just hate all the crap they put him through daily, it’s not fair to him. : ( My older mans sister has all kinds of money and wants him to move out there with her and she said his kids are in no way allowed to follow him!! Everyone knows how horrible they are. I just don’t get it, I don’t see how you can live your life like they do.