Charlie St. Cloud

Tonight Charlie St. Cloud was on tv and I called my man so he could watch it. This movie will always mean something to me, see it was the first movie my man and I went to watch. I still remember that day very much. I was still “with” the asshole boyfriend. He was there, trying to control me, yelling at me, but was never truly there. He just wanted to yell at me and talk down to me. He never really cared about me. So after a particularly bad day, my man stole me away. He took me out for the day and since it was quit chilly we needed something to do inside so we hit the movies.

The beginning of the movie was hard for me because of my car accident. I couldn’t watch and had tears in my eyes, but my man held my hand tight and kept me close. He held me close the whole movie and this was the first time we really got close to each other. I remember watching the movie but never really focusing on it, I spent more time thinking about him and what he meant to me. This movie always reminds me of that day, the day I realized just how much I loved him and why. He will always be my man!

So I need some help, with Christmas and what to do…maybe you can help me rocks since you and him are close in age. Last year I got him this book I made, it was custom with reasons why I love him. He totally loved it! Had tears when I gave it to him! Each page said, “I love….” and gave a reason why with a little stick figure on it saying why. I used some of the precreated pages and then made my own. He keeps it right next to his bed and reads it from time to time. Now my problem is…how the hell do I top that?!?!

I don’t really have to top that, but I have no idea what to get him at all! Help!! Any ideas? Suggestions?? Anything? He always gets on me about spending too much, tells me not to because he knows my situation with the medical bills and just hates when I spend money on him. In my opinion, I don’t care, if it’s something he will truly love, then I’ll spend the money. I thought about making something, but I don’t know what to make. I’m quit crafty and skilled at a lot of different things. Maybe frame some of my pictures for him? I don’t know!

Please help! All suggestions are welcome!

PostSecret

Every week I check PostSecret. Sometimes I’m up first thing Sunday to look, while other weeks I have to wait to check it. This morning I finally got a chance to check the site to see this weeks secrets and came across one that got my attention right away!

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I wish I could find who this secret belongs too! I want to talk to them and listen to their story! Especially considering I will probably end up the same since I’m with my man and refuse to give him up for my so called “family”. I just want to know what they went though and their life now! I wish there was a way to get a message out for the person that sent this secret in to contact me!

It started with a text

I can’t remember if I’ve written about this before or not, but I’m honestly too lazy right now to bother with going back to look so you get the story anyway. Luck you, right? It’s a good one, I promise. I’ve been sitting around thinking, which is never a good thing, but tonight it was. I’ve been thinking about life, how I got to where I am today. How life with my man and this relationship is now. What it might be like in the future. Will my family every accept this? Just everything running through my head, the good and the bad, and then I started thinking…what started this amazing bond and love we share. It started with a text.

I used to see him sitting at his desk when I would pass by, those bright blue eyes, they got my attention right away. So caring, but so sad. I could see it hidden back there, deep sadness and hurt. He always seems so happy and caring for others but those eyes told a different story, one his heart hid. I just had this desire I cannot explain, to make him happy. I wanted those eyes to smile with the rest of him.

It wasn’t long before my miserable life kicked in and he caught me in tears. I tried to hide them but it was impossible, I was crying too hard. Family was killing me, the boyfriend was controlling and demanding, and people at work had started their toll early. Everything became too much and I broke at the wrong time and even worse, he walked in on it. He didn’t say anything then, just left me to myself knowing I was embarrassed. I respected that because no one ever wants to get involved, but so desperately needed someone.

Then the next day I got a text. That’s where it started, with an innocent text asking if I was better. I lied but I think he knew that. Every so often I’d get a text making sure I was doing okay but each day the texts started to grow. We started talking about more things, deeper things. We started talking about my family, I finally told him about them. How my dad beat me, my mom yelled every bad thing about me she could, my sister did a combination of both. He didn’t know what to say. No one ever does. We talked about everything in life. And we started talking all the time. He had become one of my best friends and some of my friends were hating that, especially the boyfriend that was treating me so bad.

Then I left, for a whole week. On vacation with that stupid boyfriend. 16 hour flight away, several time zone changes, and our communication was cut off. He still had to work and I was on different hours. How do I tell him about my days? How do I stay in touch with the man I was growing so fond of, especially when my “boyfriend” was treating me so horrible? E-mail of course! At the end of the day, every single day, I wrote him an e-mail. Told him of my events, both good and bad. Make sure he knew I was alive and in one piece. He woke up every single morning to a nice long e-mail and plenty of pictures from vacation. He liked that.

While on that trip, he now admits, that is when he fell in love with me. For me, I think I can say the same. He had so much concern that I was having a good time, but reminded me how much he missed me and couldn’t wait till I came back. I felt the same way! I couldn’t wait to see him again! I just was dying without him and I think the boyfriend knew it. I’m not sure you would call him a “boyfriend” at this time though because we were already pretty much over and I found out later on that he had another girl the whole time.

Anyway, we returned. And upon that return, I got the biggest hug I had ever gotten in my whole life! And even better…I got a kiss. A kind and gentle kiss to my forehead. My favorite kiss. One kiss to the forehead is worth 1000 kisses else where. I will always love those. And that’s when it happened, that’s when I started to fall for this man. I was scared, did he feel the same? Of course he did, I could hear it in his e-mails back while I was on vacation. So where do we go from here? What next? I left that up to time.

Time took care of the rest. I ditched the controlling boyfriend and my man was right there to help me through that. Our feelings grew stronger, but we still stayed friends. He would hold me, listen to me, help me, let me cry when I needed…he was everything I needed in life. Then one day it happened. I was talking to him and he just had this look in his eyes, so full of love. Those eyes were finally smiling, I loved that. Then he kissed me. Gently. Right on the lips. He did it so quickly, right before I left, I didn’t know what to do or what to think. But I liked it. And I wanted me.

Life with my man started with a text, turned into friendship, then developed into companionship. He is my best friend above all else and my lover next. I don’t want to lose him, I can’t! But I have this horrible ache when it comes to my family. Will they every accept this? I seriously doubt it. But what does it matter? It’s not their choice, it’s not their concern. If I’m being treated like a lady, respected, taken care of, put my needs above his, protected, and I’m happy, what does it matter? It shouldn’t. Isn’t that what everyone wants for their child? I don’t have kids yet, but that is what I would want for mine. Whatever makes them happy, then I will be happy.

I would have never guessed myself in an age gap relationship, but that’s exactly where I am and I couldn’t be more happy with it! He’s my man! And I don’t want anything to take that away!

For now…off to bed because my man and I are off to geocache tomorrow! : ) That and riding my dirtbike are the two things that make me happy in life. My dirtbike gives me something I can’t explain…my mind is always racing, always moving, but when I get on my bike everything stops. I can think about just that one thing, no thoughts, no ideas, just riding. Freedom from my mind! Now…if I could just find a damn truck so I could actually go riding…my next goal! Oh, and on a side note…my man is totally cool with having little badass dirtbike kids like their mommy! : )

Geocaching…Keep Me Here

I currently have 7 consecutive days of geocaching, which is pretty cool. I’m going to see how many days I can go with finds. The hardest days will be ones where I have to work 24’s but I’m determined to do this some how. I just hope people keep hiding them nearby. My man thinks it’s funny, he says I’m obsessed but still supports me. He’ll go with me or drive me anywhere to find that! How awesome!


While looking online, I noticed a series of caches I’m going to get next time I visit Colorado! Check it out in the picture, how cool is that? We don’t have street straight enough for something like that around here. I told my man about it and he’s ready to go find them with me! I can’t wait to get back out to Colorado, to take pictures and find these many caches and more!! : ) I’m not sure if we’re going to fly out or drive, but I can tell you the drive was HORRIBLY LONG! Having our own car was great, but getting there was horrible, cheaper, but long!

On a side note, found a couple website for you geocachers out there. They are to help you with your geocaching experience, share with other cachers, and just informative to anyone new to the sport.

Printable geocache long sheets from TechBlazer

Save The Trackables!

Geocaching 101 – All your questioned answered!

Finding Your First Cache

If you haven’t tried geocaching, check it out! You might like it. I hope to one day get all the state in the United States and then maybe get other countries too! This is quit the goal but I’m determined!

Missing Colorado

…and I’m back. Hell starts tomorrow morning. FML! I will be posting pictures of my sights soon, just as soon as I’m done editing. I can’t wait to go back!! I’m missing it already!! So freaking bad! Feels like the vacation was too damn short. I’ve been asked to return in November…just hope I can afford it! Actually, I was told not to leave! lol My man’s friends just loves me!! That’s great that they all support us!

Movie Night

My mood is picking up, but only slightly. I return to hell tomorrow and have to face the (now ex) lieutenant in the morning followed by the (now ex) captain in shortly after that…just wonderful! The other day I made a complaint on the ex-lieutenant and his crew for leaving the truck unable to operate a call, which is inexcusable because the last call they ran was 3pm the DAY BEFORE! Pure lazy, the whole crew he had that day has been nothing but a problem.

Well he found out that a complaint was made and assumed it was me. For the record, I was not the only one that complained. He then sent out a bitch ass e-mail about it to the staff that I left the truck unstocked one day and a complaint was made on that and it would have been easier to just restock the truck than to complain about it. So let me get this straight…it’s ok for him to complain about me, but not for me to make a VALID complaint on him?!

As for the day in question, when “I” left the truck unstocked…few things. I was not moved trucks, therefore I was not even on the vehicle he claims was “unstocked.” Also, he filled out the paperwork claiming “I” was the one, the ONLY one that left that vehicle unstocked…uh, I’m pretty sure I can’t run the truck alone…just saying. Wouldn’t my partner be responsible too? And more responsible since his license is higher than mine? And lastly, the stuff that the crew the NIGHT BEFORE did not put on the truck…it just was the “extra” supplies because there was more than enough of it in the bags to run calls. The items he left off the truck…you could not have run a call.

So, in response to his e-mail, I sent one of my own, but only to him and not the staff like he did. Well, it politely asked him to “leave me the fuck alone” or I will seek further action, including a lawyer. I also reminded him that I was NOT the one that made a demeaning statement about myself in front of other employees…he did!

To keep my mind off of that, I’m making myself another t-shirt. One of my favorite movies is The Sandlot. “You’re killing me smalls!” has been a line my friends and I have used many times. Since I can’t find any shirts I like that say that, I’m making my own. I’m super excited! I’ll be sure to post pictures as soon as it’s all done. It’s really helping keep my mind off of stuff. And so is Pretty Woman! I love this movie!! One of the few age gap movies out there and an excellent one at that! Gotta love handsome rich men that tell you to shop! : )

Things with my man are going good, we’re leaving for a week vacation soon…actually going to be headed to another blogger I follow’s location. (Bonus points if you can figure that one out!) I’m super excited! It’ll give me chances to take LOTS of beautiful pictures! I wish I could share more here, but that would give myself away too much. Sorry. I do have a gig lined up to take pictures of a friends kid for her senior photos. They love my pictures so they just want to add her into it. They’d rather pay me, than pay someone they don’t know for conventional pictures. So I get to try my hand at that next week. Been a while since I’ve done people in the pictures.

But back to my man…my mom called him my boyfriend again! Maybe our goal of breaking her in slowly is working…I hope! I think she really is starting to get used to the idea, which is good because I’m pretty sure he’s not going anywhere any time soon…

Missing My Man – Day 1

Today is day 1 of 3. Three long days without my man! Well, I guess you should count the last 38 hours before that because he was at work and I didn’t get to see him then either. This time he’s really gone, 5 hours away. When he’s working I can just stop by and visit, which I do often, but not when he left this far. He’s on an over night float trip down a river so even if I wanted to sacrifice my little sleep between jobs, I can’t even drive to him.

But what makes it worse…he has no cell service! I can’t even get ahold of him if I tried. He does have a satellite device that will allow him to check in with me, tell me if he’s ok and his location, however he can’t get a response from me. I hate that. It just sucks not having my best friend here to talk to. : ( Especially since I really have something I need to talk to him about!

My sister’s damn wedding is coming up soon. I told her MONTHS ago that I refused to do the readings, of course my family gave me all kinds of shit about it but then it was never spoken about again. Well today I get a text from her telling me I’m doing the readings. I told her no. She flipped and keep asking who is going to do it now. I told her I don’t care, but it won’t be me. I can’t read! You can’t make a dyslexic child that can’t read, do the readings. NO! I refuse! And I know my mom will be calling this evening and bitching me out for telling her no, but I can’t do it! I can’t read!! Honest! And making me try to do it out loud…not going to happen. And I mean, not only will it not happen because I refuse, it’s not going to happen because I really can’t read.

Second note of panic. She told me I need to RSVP for myself and my guest. One problem…who is going to be my guest?? I really, REALLY want to take my man but that’s just going to start more trouble at a wedding I don’t even want to be at! I’m NOT looking forward to seeing my dad and his family, I’m really not looking forward to it now. I don’t know that I’m going to be able to take my man with me and it kills me!

This is what hurts me the most about being in a May-December relationship. It’s not that people don’t accept it, because I understand that, everyone has the right to their own opinion. It’s knowing that he can’t be with me when I need him most because of these opinions. I want him to be the one with me at the wedding, no one else, but if I take him the problems will be worse than if I was alone. I’m going to catch shit either way, it’ll just be worse if I bring him with me.

I just want to be kidnapped for a freaking week or in a coma and skip this whole damn section of life! I don’t want to go see everyone at her wedding and I don’t want to deal with all the comments about “being single” and that crap. What do I do??? Some please kidnap me! Just for a week!