Beyond Pissed

I’m beyond mad, beyond pissed. I’m livid! My anger right now is higher than it has been in a long time! My blood pressure is up, my chest hurts, I have a migraine. My anger is out of control right now! I’m so fucking pissed!

As noted in my blog before, my parents got divorced not too long ago, that is where this started without me knowing. I paid for my car, bought it from my parents…big fucking mistake! I didn’t have a choice, they refused to cosign on a loan, I had no credit history, and they were taking so much of my paycheck that I couldn’t get by as it was. I couldn’t afford food, had no clothes…the same it’s been my whole life. So I paid them over a year for my car and paid it off, once paid off they refused to title it in my name. For YEARS, I fought to get it retitled and they refused!

Then the divorce came…finally, I had the chance to get it titled in my name. I got into a fight with my stupid mother, told her NOT to give that title to my father, and guess what…she did. She told me it was going to titled to my dad and I. Just fucking wonderful! I let her have it, she said there is no reason he can’t be on the title, I told her it was MY car, I PAID for it and I wanted his name off it. I lost. But I lost worse than I even knew.

That motherfucker listed as my “father” on my birth certificate is no father of mine! I’m pissed with that asshole beyond anything I ever thought I could be! Read this and tell me what a bitch I am, I don’t care…you have NO idea the shit I have dealt with my ENTIRE life! You have NO idea what HE put me through!!

So that brings me to today…why am I so pissed? My car plates are due to be renewed at the end of this month, and FINALLY 3 days ago he gave me the notice after trying to get it for WEEKS! Then I had to fight for the freaking tax information…this has just been a nightmare and I have no time off! Then I called the jackass and told him he WILL sign my car over to ME or I’m done ever talking to or seeing him, after days of not answering him, he finally agreed. And that is when I found out how much that jerk fucked me over!
So I went over to pick up the title…a title I was told I’m listed on…and guess what…I am NOT! I am NOT listed on a title for a fucking car I PAID FOR! But that isn’t even the worse part…I was told by my mother AND father that I was listed on that car…that is where they really fucked me over! So I was told I was on the car, when I bought my new one I kept the old one for bad weather days and switch the insurance from my old one off my dads to mine so I could save on my new car…see where I’m going here? IF I was listed on the title this would be legal but as you just learned, I am not listed on this title. The problem here…? I am not legally insured. The other problem here…? I can not renew my license plates.

I am just beyond pissed! Now I have to track down the form for the fucker to “gift” my own fucking car to me, get him to sign the fucking title, and get the damn car licensed to me by the last day of September so I can get my license plates renewed. My chances of it getting licensed to me in time are freaking impossible! If you state is anything like mine, I’m fucked! I’m never going to get it back in time, now I will be fined for renewing the plates late. I’m just so fucking pissed off! Fucking livid! AND I don’t get to just “renew” the plates either, I have to pay a fee for “new” plates despite plates being on there…it’s just a fucking nightmare! I’m so fucking pissed off!

I’m going to take a fucking bottle of benadryl and try sleeping forever! I have so much more to share but for now I’m done. Good night! I sure hope your life is going better than what I am dealing with here.

Gone, But Not Far Away

I’ve mentioned in a few posts here about a Captain at one of my jobs that I’ve had problems with, more specifically the problems I wrote about in this post. If you don’t feel like reading that, long story short…as I walked past my Captain he pulled me down on his lap, leaned me forward, slapped my ass, and told me what a bad girl I am. I think about it a lot and it’s really hurt me emotionally. It was embarrassing because there were people around that watched this and the guy is just nasty, I hate that he ever laid his hands on me! I hate it more than I can explain. I just hate so much that it happened to me.

My biggest regret with all of it was not getting him into more trouble. I begged my chief to just talk to him, let him know it’s not to happen again, but not to take it to anyone else. I was embarrassed and I didn’t want other employees around work saying stuff about me and calling me names for “tattling” on him, even though I technically didn’t, but they don’t care about that. I wish now that I had ignored all of my feelings and done the right thing by turning him in. It was after this happened that I found out I wasn’t the first he did things like that too and he got off with that as well. It was the worse decision I’ve ever made. He’s made me suffer since that day.

That will all end very soon, finally! My Captain, as you can probably tell, isn’t the brightest bulb in the box. He decided to operate for 5 months without the required certifications but kept telling everyone he had the certification, just kept forgetting to bring it in. He couldn’t afford the class, so without permission had a PO sent to have a class paid for, after looking at it, he registered for an initial class, not the renewal…meaning he was well expired. During this time he ran several calls, all of which we can not bill for. We also have to pay a fine for every single call he was on, this is currently amounting to 5 figure numbers, but will probably be more. Our service is a division of the Police Department, we have our own EMS Chief but the Chief of Police is higher than him and the ultimate power. The Police Chief delayed his vacation to write up paperwork after meeting with city officials.

The Captain has been on what we refer to as his “4 day” and will return tomorrow, which I also happen to be working. As soon as he returns to work he is being called to the Assistant Police Chief’s office, at which time he will be handed a letter telling him he is on administrative leave…every single person that has been put on administrative leave so far has never returned! I can’t even begin to explain to tell you how relieved I felt when I found all this out! But I also had some panic…this guy if mentally unstable (long story for another day) and is going to know he’s about to be fired. He never pays his bills and blows his money, he’s already about to lose his house…this is going to be bad. My Chief expects it to be so bad that he is asking he get escorted to our station to pick up his belongings and escorted by police out of town. He is going to blame me, blame the Chief, blame anyone he can, but in reality it’s not one’s fault but his own. Had he notified someone that he was expired then we could have worked around it, but he chose to keep it hidden.

There have been numerous people fired from other departments, not just ours, for having expired licenses or certifications. If you are a licensed EMT then you are REQUIRED by law and insurances to have a CPR card, if you let it go and operate as an EMT, not only can your company not bill the insurance or patient, they can also be fined up to $600 for every single call you were on. If you have a Paramedic license, then you are also required to have a CPR card but you must also maintain ACLS certification, and now in some states you’re required a PALS card as well, if you let any of these go then same deal…you can’t bill and you can be fined. We are losing a lot of money right now and we’re already struggling in this economy like everyone else. He really messed up.

It can be tough working in our field. I have to maintain my NREMT Paramedic license, two state Paramedic licenses, CPR card, CPR/First Aid instructor card, ACLS, PALS, PHTLS, ITLS (different states require specific classes), Car Seat Tech, and many more cards, plus anything required for the fire department as well. Not an easy task if you fall behind. 4 years of schooling plus school for the rest of my life and not making enough money with one job to support myself…sign me up! I love my job!