I’m Here…

…how alive I am, well I’m just not sure about that. I’m really sorry if you have e-mailed me and I haven’t answered, I removed myself from all technology for a while and shut my phone off so no one could contact me. I feel so…betrayed, abandoned, lost, hurt, angry, and just a whole mix of things. I don’t want to talk about it so don’t expect anything on here for a little bit. I’m really sorry. I hope all you guys are living life to it’s fullest and having a great time! Take care. I will be back…some time.

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Listen To Your Heart

I know there’s something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You’ve built a love but that love falls apart,
Your little piece of heaven turns to dark.

Listen to your heart,
When he’s calling for you.
Listen to your heart,
There’s nothing else you can do.

I don’t know where you’re going,
And I don’t know why,
But listen to your heart,
Before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They’re swept away and nothing is what is seems,
The feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart,
When he’s calling for you.
Listen to your heart,
There’s nothing else you can do.

I don’t know where you’re going,
And I don’t know why,
But listen to your heart,
Before you tell him goodbye.

And there are voices,
That want to be heard.
So much to mention,
But you can’t find the words.
The scent of magic,
The beauty that’s been,
When love was wilder than the wind.

Listen to your heart,
When he’s calling for you.
Listen to your heart,
There’s nothing else you can do.

I don’t know where you’re going,
And I don’t know why,
But listen to your heart,
Before you tell him goodbye.
Listen to your heart, mmm, mmmmmm.

I don’t know where you’re going,
And I don’t know why,
But listen to your heart,
Before you tell him goodbye.

Back to Reality

Well, life has begun again…great. Had a day in hell yesterday and go back for the next 3 days…great! : ( Being away from there was just wonderful, I’m hating being back! A combination of the stress and some electrolyte imbalance has caused my heart problems. Last year I was diagnosed with WAP (Wondering Atrial Pacemaker) and orthostatic hypotension, if you know anything medical wise, this isn’t a big deal. Had a full cardiac workup, echo, monitor for 48 hours…blah, blah, blah. Basically my heart never changed rhythms then and nothing out of the “normal” showed up. Cardiologist just said to watch it, but nothing to worry about. All my days at work, we weren’t able to catch anything on the monitor either. Did several blood work too, but I was always feeling “fine” during that and it never showed anything out of the normal.

Sunday I wasn’t feeling right, my heart felt like it was racing but my pulse was normal. I felt light headed and dizzy, was just…feeling “weird”, I’m not sure how else to describe it. So I called my friend, he was on duty just down the road at my local ambulance and I was lucky he was at the closest station too. My man was concerned about me driving, but I wasn’t going far. Drove down and him and his partner got me hooked up to the monitor and did a workup but nothing was showing up. Hooked myself up to the 12-lead, still nothing. I wasn’t feeling my heart flutter at that moment, so we waited…then it happened. My heart started racing and I looked at the monitor…Afib…uh…shit! Told my friend, he didn’t believe me, looked for himself and he freaked. Started printing like crazy, my heart was jumping in and out of it. I could feel it each time too. This was the first time we caught it on the monitor.

So we started reading, there’s a good chance I have a lack of magnesium, potassium, and calcium…all important to keep your heart ticking right. See, I’m at the age where I should be gaining weight (not complaining) but my body is not absorbing the nutrients it should. Took some vitamins, that seemed to fix the problem. I can’t afford to go back to the doctor, so I’m just going to take some vitamins for a while and see if that keeps working. For now it seems to. Below is my heart from the night of, then the night after.

12-Lead EKG showing my heart in Afib

WAP to Afib

Afib back into WAP

The next morning at work after some vitamins

Back to normal…sort of…

My man is worried, naturally, but I told him it’s not a big deal. I’m determined to get it figured out. I think I just need more nutrients, but we’ll see. I’m going to try these vitamins first, if that doesn’t change it, then I’ll call the doctors. I just really need to find another job, this place is killing me one way or another!