I was talking to my man about the test results today. In particular the results of the jackass Captain and his little move. To which my man replied with, “That can’t be causing PTSD, he was just joking around with you.” For the record, my man hates jackass with a passion! Hate is an understatement here, he cannot stand the guy and wants him to suffer and my man is not a violent person at all. I just could not believe he said what he did…it hurt. It hurt bad, right in the middle of my chest. I broke down. Instant tears and I hung up on him. Then I sent the following text:
You can’t tell me that what The jackass did won’t cause PTSD. You don’t know what it was like, how it hurt, how I felt, how I still fell! You have no idea what I went through! What it was like to have TWO other people WATCH what he did!!! I fucking hate myself for letting it happen! I think about it every single day! No one damn day goes by without thinking about it, wondering why me?! Why did I have to walk past him?! What did I do? Why did I let it happen to me! You don’t know how much it hurts! Then to have those two people take HIS side! I left my shift that day and cried! I cried myself to sleep for days. I was physically sick for a fuck month! I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I cried all the time! It makes me sick just thinking about it! And no one knows, no one understands. He put his nasty hands on me! And I do NOT find it as something that should be brushed off!! You have no idea what I’m going through!
All I got back was an, “I guess I don’t. Sorry.” Just great…that was not exactly a good response to defuse the situation. But since then he has listened and says he understands more. We’ll see, either way the damage is still done and I feel completely alone in this.
Am I overreacting? Should I just “get over it” and brush it off? Was it really that little of a deal and I’m making it into more?
I think I’m making it more than it was. I think it’s time to get over it, time to move on. He’s gone now, finally fired, so that means it’s been “taken care of.” Problem solved.