All New

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Hello 2013, I had plans to never meet you. My plans for 2012 were to never make it to Thanksgiving. That came and went, my next plan was to not have to go through Christmas and never have to see 2013, but then came a promise.

A 10 day challenge that has turned into much more. A promise I have to keep, however had it gets. Boy has it been hard!! I have spent many nights crying, most alone. I have planned and threw it out. I have sat alone, isolated. I have been torn down, broken, beaten, and belittled. I’m not sure how I keep going.

I spent my New Years working, most if it, then went to see my man and just cried! I spent my New Years in his arms crying. Sunday I left work with a horrible migraine that just keep getting worse. I cried, hard. Tears. So much pain. And I was stuck home alone with no one to help me, I cried more. Went to hell job Monday to deal with more shit than I care to write out right now! I hope that bitch gets run over by a fucking semi!! Then went to my man and just crying from pain. Emotionally and physically. I just cried.

Today…I’m starting day 1 of no work. Fucking bitch! And her retaliation! I’m waiting to see what February’s schedule has before I go to the high boss. I have detailed documentation of every single thing that has happened since October…she is so fucked!

For now…sleep. My body is exhausted. Happy New Year to all my blogging friends! I hope you had a wonderful time!

Don’t Forget the First Responders

Heaven gained some beautiful angles this week when they were stolen from their families. Their lives cut short, never knowing what they might have been, might have done. These beautiful babies, just starting their lives. Never getting their first dance, never getting to graduate, or drive a car, or learn to live.

But don’t forget those first responders, police, fire, and EMS, that arrived there, some entering without knowing where the shooter was, just to save a life. Don’t forget about them, what they saw, what they feel.

My worst fear in this career isn’t my injury, nor is it my death. My worst fear is being sent to a scene like this, or the Colorado shooting, or 9/11. My worst fear is being sent to a burning house only to pull a lifeless child from the building. My worst fear is watching an innocent child, so helpless, losing their life because of someone else. My worst fear was lived by these first responders.

I can’t imagine what they saw, how it will haunt their lives forever. I can’t imagine how helpless they felt, knowing there is little you can do. I can’t imagine how they felt telling parents their little angle was not coming home tonight.

So next time you complain about the firetruck delaying your trip, or the ambulance that caused more traffic, or those “Union Firefighters” that just sit around and want more money…think about what they have seen, what they have done, what they do every day for you. Think about those soldiers fighting for you right to judge and belittle the people that keep you safe every day.

Complications

Just one of life’s many joys.

Day two on the new job was amusing and everyone made me feel right at home. I had a lot of fun, once again stuck with all guys but after all the bitches problem at my previous job, I don’t mind this at all. They made it fun for me. So far I like everyone I have worked with and met. They had a lot of fun with me too. It wasn’t all fun and games though, we had two pediatric full arrests, both deceased upon our arrival. Sad day for the families and caused by stupid mistakes. Please people, NEVER put your kid in bed with you! Due to this simple mistake, two families are without their angels. Just so sad.

Recently I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. No, I’m not one of those people that jump on the bandwagon and started reading this because it’s a New York Times Bestseller. I bought these books a while back and just never got around to reading it, which I finally decided to do with the rest of America. Let me just say it is an amazing book so far! But man, I just want to scream out to Ana!! Men can be intoxicating but can’t she see what is he doing?! Why does she let him do this to her?? I just want to scream at her to run!! Run as far away as you can!! I won’t share any details in case you haven’t read it, but you really should. It’ll pull you in from the beginning. I can’t wait to read the next books in the series.

And to conclude this post…I am a ball of emotions today and they have made me cry this evening over the dumbest thing…I don’t know why I started crying but I couldn’t stop the tears once they came. See, I have a dirtbike and riding it is my escape. It was the way I relaxed, I loved it. It helped me more than I can explain. When I ride, that’s all I think about, for once my mind is focused on just one thing, that’s it. My ex (toxic) boyfriend bought it for me and I loved it from the moment I got it. We used to ride all the time. After we broke up he let me keep it, though I think this was to torture me because I now have no one to ride with and no way to haul it.

The bike has been sitting in the garage for the past two years just tempting me. I haven’t been able to ride it or do anything with it and it just majorly sucks! Today I let it get to me too much and I’m not really sure why, but it got to me so much that I started crying. Crazy…I know. I just miss it so much! Being with my OM is great, but he’s not as into riding as I am and neither of us have a way to get it anywhere that I can ride. He also doesn’t feel comfortable with me going with a bunch of guys (understandable) but the problem is…this is a guys sport…I don’t know any girls that ride…it just sucks all around. I hope to get a truck and/or trailer soon though so I can take it places, but that still doesn’t fix the fact that I have no one to ride with…you never ride alone. I’m just really missing it right now… : ( But it’s all a “First World Problem” right?

Regardless of all that, I would never trade my older man for someone younger, even if they could take me riding. He treats me way too good!! He is the best thing that ever happened to me! And it’s not like he doesn’t want me to go riding, we just don’t have a way to go right now. I hope with time that changes.