Toying With An Idea

This is something I have been thinking about for years, since at least Freshman year of high school. I never was one for the grades, I think that came from a combination of the ADHD and abuse. It was all pretty much known by teachers, friends, and people around me. Everyone knew I had problems, but no one ever asked or did anything.

When I was in elementary I got diagnosed with ADHD and learning disorders including dyslexia. I remember my mother’s words exactly…”she doesn’t need treatment, she needs to grow up and learn how to behave!” My mom allowed my sister to get treatment for her reading disorder, but wouldn’t let me. I learned to adapt, even ended up in honors classes through junior high and high school. I never did a single bit of homework either, not one. Looking back I wonder how I managed to pass classes and stay in those honors classes…I’m really starting to think my teachers knew about the abuse. Anyway, I made it through school, barely, but did it. I always thought about what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do with my life. I thought about becoming a doctor or counselor or something to help children get the help I never got.

I got into college, barely made it through that. Problems at home got worse and I dropped out of school. Was working 3 jobs and got tired of it. I went back to school, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life. About this time I met “asshole boyfriend” but he wasn’t an asshole yet, he was a good guy at this time. I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life. With his help and suggestion, I got into EMT class. I loved it! It was great and loved working in the field. I moved forward, finished fire school and got into Paramedic. Asshole boyfriend became more of an asshole because he didn’t like me being in fire/EMS even though he suggested it. We split up and my man became a bigger part of my life.

So now I’m done with medic, working as a firefighter/medic but I feel like I want more out of life. I LOVE being on an ambulance and firetruck, but I have always considered doing more. I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about becoming a doctor…I think this is what I want. I still hope to work on an ambulance too, but I think I want to continue schooling to be a pediatric doctor. I want to do more, help more, and become more in life. I really want to go to school to become a doctor but I can’t afford that…I don’t know how I’d be able to…I can’t work AND go to school for that at the same time.

So…now what do I do? I guess I have to be content with being a paramedic, something I love doing! And just not move on to be more…that’s ok, it’s probably better that way anyway. No matter which choice I make, I know I have my man here to support me!


This week I was dispatched to a “injury at work” call. A case of soda fell 6 inches to the patients shoulder and she called 911. This is what we refer to as a “get my lawyer” call in EMS. Since there was a complaint of neck/back pain the patient got a backboard. This was total bs because she stated she was bleeding but when we went to look she said she “cleaned it up” and there was no mark…uh huh!

Anyway due to the patient’s weight it took 6 people to move her from the EMS stretcher to the hospital bed. In the process my finger got stuck between the backboard and oxygen regulator. More specifically, there is a little metal port that sticks out on the regulator and that’s what got my finger. This resulted in immediate swelling and extreme pain!

Two days later, this is what it looks like…



Work sent me to the doctor and after an X-ray the doctor said, “The swelling is too bad to determine if there is a fracture but there is definitely injury to the joint.” FML! No lifting of more than 3lbs with my hand and no gripping anything!! Oh and stuck in this stupid splint for a week while it’s 100 degrees outside and my pool is screaming my name!! And at least a week off work, great because it’s the job I’m going through hell in, bad because I’m freaking bored!!!!!!