Living in Hell

I’m stuck in hell job today, which means plenty of time locked up in a room to think and write. I woke up this morning with a major allergy attached, I was so swollen, itchy, red…it was just horrible so I took a benadryl. My body doesn’t work the same as most people, it takes 2 or 3 benadryl to make me sleepy normally. I was already exhauster and I guess fighting this stuff off make me that much more tired because I slept the entire first half of my shift. I was out cold! Around lunch time my partner woke me up to get food, which was good because my ass needed to get up anyway. The crews ate, I watched. Came back and cooked my Ramen noodles, yum. Just finished the last bite when my truck got a call. Came back from that and boy did the rumors start flying around here.

A few months back several of these idiots decided they would follow Captain Dumbass, remember him? Put his hands on me?? Well they decided to follow his uneducated idea and sign Union cards to fight for more money. Hey stupids…they entire country is broke, this state is broke more than any other, and you want to bring in a Union just so you can ask for more money?! I tried telling them the Union is going to ruin what they have. They don’t have to do chores, we don’t have to stay at the station, we don’t get overtime, but a few people have only this job and they get to work all the hours they want making bank. Did anyone listen? Nope.

And guess what…now they are bitching about the Union, for all the reasons I told them. They are complaining because they can no longer work more than 24 hours in a week, there went all their money. They are mad because Union dues are being taking out of their checks, I told them that would happen. They are pissed they are now required to do chores and stay at the station. And did we get a raise…nope! I told them! I warned them! I told them EXACTLY what would happen but they didn’t want to listen or believe me. Now they are freaking out because they have no money. Unlike them…I got myself 2 other jobs and tested yesterday for a 3rd one. I’m getting the fuck out of here! Now I just hope hours pick up at the others so I can get money back. I am so behind on bills thanks to the bitch here…I gotta catch up!

As for you Mr. President…you are a fucking idiot!! I have to buy health insurance out of pocket or risk fines. Thanks to your stupid fucking “Obamacare” shit…my health insurance now costs me $285 a FUCKING MONTH! Before you fucked shit up I was paying $170. Then saying if you work more than 30 hours a week, your company must offer insurance…well guess what, everyone just got their hours cut! I think your fucking pay needs cut! STOP GIVING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES WHEN WE NEED IT! Illegal immigrants have more rights and get more money than I do! Fuck that! I’m leaving this country, becoming a citizen of another, then hopping the boarder back here so I can get free food, schooling, health care, and a cellphone. That is the fucking problem with this country, idiots like you brainless fucks at the capital! You’re so fucking stupid you ran this country into a fucking hole! Thank you for that.

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Better, But Not Great

I was told to keep wriing so that is what I am going to do, write until I can’t write anymore. Thanks for reading my blog and commenting, it really helped! : ) I’m doing better, I feel less alone but I still have my moments.

I’m just really struggling right now because I see my man less and less, life is keeping us busy. I’m back to work full force, including hell. I’m not looking forward to the (now ex) captains return, in fact I’m downright dreading it! I am sick with worry over it and I don’t know what to do. Should I tell the police chief? No, I think for now I should keep quiet until something actually happens, then I will talk to him.

Working with the (now ex) lieutenant has been…interesting. Everyone knows that he lost his title, but they are not SUPPOSE to know why, though I’m sure he told everyone it was because of me. I just hate this, dealing with it all, it makes things worse. I come into work here and just spend my time working my ass off by myself or locked up in my room alone. It just makes this “lonely” feeling stronger. I’m just doing the best I can to make it through each day, one at a time.

Life with this divorce is getting more difficult by the day thanks to my wonderful “father.” I really don’t see him as family anymore, I don’t see him as any body. I will continue to ignore him until he starts treating me better and with more respect. Things with him have always been bad and I don’t see them getting much better any time soon. He’s a bitter asshole! He’s been a bitter asshole his whole life because he was “adopted and his parents didn’t want him.” The man refuses to find out why his parents chose to give him a better life, instead he just blames them and takes it out mostly on me. He’s a loner and a loser. Sorry, but that’s my opinion about the person the state says is my “father.”

As far as things with my man, they are going good…when I get to see him. He recently picked up a new part time job when he quit his old one, problem is he never officially quit his old one. I mean he quit, but they are still using him until they find a replacement so therefore he isn’t gone from there. It sucks majorly because I now rarely see him. It’s just in passing or a couple hours here and there, we’re not getting much quality time together and I really hope that changes soon. Maybe it’ll help my mood some if things do change.

As far avoiding drama in my life…well it’s trying to walk back in and I refuse to let it. Remember that friend I turned in for welfare fraud? She’s back, sort of. Her fiance is anyway, and he swears she misses me. I refused to respond to his texts. Over a year ago he called me stupid for missing his “childs” birthday…they just wanted a gift. I was busy trying to finish paramedic school and working my ass off, it’s not like I missed it on purpose. They scheduled it on a day I had to do my clinical hours which are usually anywhere from 10-14 hour days and I was exhausted and had to be up at 3am the next morning so I choose to go home and sleep at 9pm instead of going to the party that was an hour away. Shoot me! Seriously, you’re going to get mad about that?? Don’t need you in my life.

Well, after a year and 7 months without contact, I get a text message out of the blue from him. My response? To not respond. I don’t want/need them in my life. Seriously, it’s been wonderful without them. They can’t gossip about my whereabouts to my ex because they don’t know my whereabouts. But they are somehow getting some information about me because they sure had some rumors about me. I went into a business I used to work at to get some items and found out there were rumors about me there and there was only one place that this specific rumor came from…her and my ex. There is no other way that it go there, I’ve tried to come up with anything but there is no possibility.

Some people will never grow up…ever. Whatever, I’m not going back to that. I’m better where I am now, even though I have down days, I don’t have to deal with them. And another reason to keep them out of my life…they have never liked my man and this was back when me and him were just friends, they really won’t like him now. But that doesn’t matter, it’s not their opinion that matters.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

For now, all my focus and energy will be spent on my photography because that keeps me happy.

Return to Hell

It’s the end of the day and I survived. I was less than thrilled to return to work, I’ve enjoyed my time off! It was WONDERFUL! Not dealing with the people and their bullshit…it was the best thing ever! But I agreed to go back and give the Police Chief a chance to fix everything…so far…nothing has changed. They still ignore me, avoid me, and are still more lazy than ever!

I pretty much expected the trucks and station to be in total crap condition because before I took the month off, I was one of the few that cleaned stuff. In fact, out of the people that work on a regular basis, besides the few full time staff, I was the only one that cleaned! Well, came in to dirt on the trucks so thick you could right in it, bugs splatter all across the front, so bad you couldn’t see, mud all over the floors, dried blood, dirt all over the seats, nothing had been wiped down or disinfected in weeks…it was NASTY!! I couldn’t believe it, but then again I should, it happens all the time. The amount of laziness there is just unbelievable!

My first day back wasn’t all bad, it just sucked in general. I hate cleaning up after everyone all the time. However, they weren’t “mean” to me…just ignored me like usual. Just did my work, kept my mouth shut and didn’t say a word to anyone about anything. I was stuck with the Lieutenant, well I guess now it’s ex-Lieutenant, and even he wouldn’t say anything to me. This is part of why he lost his title and pay, along with his comment, but the Police Chief expects you to lead by example and he isn’t doing well in that roll.

So all in all, it wasn’t too bad of a day, still not looking forward to my other shifts this month.

30 Days Past

Tomorrow marks the end of my 30 days off…FML! I return to hell! That’s my new form of reference to that job. I love my job! Hate the coworkers…with good reason! Well tomorrow I return and I’m not feeling too good about it. My first day back is with the Lieutenant that got suspended, but in my defense it was his own fault. I never did anything to cause him to say what he did, and he admits that. He just said it because everyone else around there talks bad about me, but I’ve never done anything to anyone and every single person there will tell you that. They just hate me, not sure why, they just jumped on the bandwagon. Thanks jerks!

The, now ex, Captain doesn’t return until the middle of the month but naturally I just happen to be scheduled with him every single day he is back. Wonderful. I just can’t wait! Let me tell you, I’m so excited…NOT! I am so screwed!! I guess I’ll keep you updated tomorrow on how things go…wish me luck! Good night world.

Lazy…A Common Illness

I try not to let the little stuff bother me but the pure laziness at work is driving me crazy! No one cleans! EVER!! Trucks stay bug covered for weeks, nothing gets wiped down, dirty dishes left in sink for weeks, no sweeping, no cleaning…it’s just gross!! Even worse is when it comes to the trucks and equipment! I hate germs but apparently my coworkers enjoy them because I came in after a week off this truck and cleaned it to find this…

This was after just a few wipes and only about 1/4 of the truck! WTF people?!?! Then after spending two hours cleaning and wiping down the entire inside I spent 3 hours scrubbing weeks worth of bugs off the front of the truck. I mean the lack of respect and work ethic is making me crazy! I bust my ass daily with very little help, especially none from the full time staff!! I can’t wait to start this new job, at least I will not be alone in my work and it will finally be appreciated! After 3 consecutive 13 hour days of cleaning, all trucks are bug free, backboards scrubbed and disinfected, patient compartment disinfected, all equipment wiped down, bay clean, station clean, bathrooms clean, and still found time to go on 12 ambulance calls.

All my hard work will be undone shortly because I am off until next Tuesday at the very earliest. Tomorrow the dentist will remove all my wisdom! : ( I am so not looking forward to that appointment! But at the same time I can’t wait to get this done and over with. They have never hurt me, ever, but they are coming in way wrong and the dentist wants them out now. Joy. Then after that a little more dental work I have been putting off. Then after all of that it’s back to the orthodontist for me.

I spent SIX years in braces and because my teeth are stubborn and everything moved (despite the retainers) the orthodontist decided to put the upper braces back on (for free). After just 3 months with them on my teeth are back to straight and look great. Oh and if they every say, “hey we’re going to just jump to the biggest wire to move them fast” I would like to tell you that is would be best if you PASS on that option!! I have never hurt from braces until that move! I went to my check up and they said my teeth look great, I asked when the braces come off. The answer to my question? “I’m not, in fact I want to put the bottom braces back on too and fix that as well.” Ugh!! But my teeth will look pretty again. I already look several years younger than I am (I’m 25 and still getting carded), so lets slap some braces on and make it even better! : ( Oh well, life.

Today while out on one of many calls at work I came across something that made me laugh.

That sign is about 4 feet by 4 feet and in case you are unable to read the writing it says, “Slow down or die.” Haha welcome to rural EMS! : ) I’m sorry sir but it seems you are going to have to kill us for running lights and sirens to someone’s emergency because I’m not slowing down. What really cracks me up about this is the road it is located on and I really wish now that I had taken a picture of it but since I didn’t you will have to do with my description.

Today I was working in our smallest ambulance (thank goodness for that on this call!) and had I had the biggest truck we would not have been able to get to the patient’s house let alone the patient. This road was JUST wide enough for the truck, most of the time the wheels were in the mud and not even on a road. Trees along most of the road which scratched all down the sides (nothing I could do to avoid that) and if another car had come one of us would have been backing up until we found a driveway and that person would not have been me…sorry but this ambulance doesn’t go in reverse! lol Oh, and also this road does not connect to each other, there are two different sections of this road, despite what google maps, gps, cell phones, map book, and everything says, this road is NOT a thru street! The huge trees and over grown woods prove this, don’t bother trying.

Tomorrow is surgery, then off for a few days. I’m warning you now, I will no doubt be bored so expect some postings…or probably a lot of postings if I’m feeling well. Good night world! Tomorrow I will be 4 teeth lighter.