Why I Hate Myself So Much

My man tells me all the time that I need to start to love myself, I need to see that I’m a good person and beautiful, but I can’t do that. I can’t see myself as good, I can’t see myself a beautiful, I don’t see myself as anything he says and I blame my family for this. But that’s a struggle too because really…I blame myself. It’s my fault, it always is.

My sister’s wedding rehearsal is tonight and I’m a failure. I spent 2 hours getting ready this morning, doing my hair, trying to make it corporate, and FINALLY got it to look half way decent…then the freaking wind hit! You would have thought I was hanging out in the flats of Colorado again! We never get wind like that here! Messed my hair all up. Back to the shower I went, frustrated as can be. This time, I straighten my curls and gave up. It’s down and straight, done nothing else to it. My mother has been screaming at me since. “Why don’t you do something with your hair? It looks like shit! Why don’t you try to be a girl and actually look decent!”

Now it’s my outfit…that her current problem…I’m never dressed good enough. But when I do dress up she gives me shit about it all the time, never stops! I’m so sick of it! I’m never good enough!! I’m a jeans and t-shirt type of girl…GET OVER IT! I will dress how I want and I don’t give a fuck anymore! You hear that mom?? FUCK YOU! I WILL DRESS AND LOOK AS I WANT!! I’m sick of it!

I will never feel good about myself because my parents have NEVER told me anything good about myself since I can remember. They never told me they loved me, they never told me they cared about me, they never told me they are proud of me…I’ve never been good enough, I will never be good enough. I’m done with it!

Want to see what I look like?? E-mail, our24yearagegap@yahoo.com, me with a request to seemy recent post and I will let you see!

To the Fashion Industry

After a short chat with another blogger, World of Mini Figs, I realize that I am not the only girl out there that can’t stand the “clothing” they make for women these days, if that’s what you can even call it! I can’t stand the crap they are making these days, it’s not built for someone like me, unless off course I want to spend $500 on a pair of pants, maybe then it might be made properly.

I am an active, can’t stand sitting still, hate dressing up kind of girl. I’d rather t-shirt and gym shorts any day. I’d say jeans but have you seen the jeans they make today?! Honestly…what is that crap?! The pockets aren’t big enough to hold a freaking quarter, let along phone, keys…whatever else you want to carry. I carry a purse but sometimes I don’t want to, I’d rather not take it with me, but with the pants they create today I don’t have a choice, I must carry a purse all the time or keep it in my hands.

These pockets are probably a creation due to the shorts they have created…or haven’t, depends on how you look at it. How much shorter could they get?? I saw one girl at the dentist that everyone was staring at…her ass cheeks were literally hanging out! I can’t believe she walked in like that with her dad!! She was MAYBE 15…if that! All I can say is my child will NEVER dress like that! EVER! I could probably pull that look off, I don’t want to. I don’t want to show my whole body off. I like the longer shorts, down to my knees which are so hard to find. Currently I own 3 pairs of shorts, that’s it. The rest of the time I’m wearing pants or guys gym shorts since girls gym shorts are just as short.

Back to the subject of pants…I like jeans, not spandex! Why must they put any bit of spandex in jeans?? Why?? I want my jeans to be JEANS! No other material added but cotton. I want jeans that are built to last, stand up to my use, and not feel like freaking spandex. I want jeans to feel like jeans! Anyone else with me on this?? Even 1% of spandex is too much, they are uncomfortable. I hate stretchy pants, it’s just wrong and feels wrong.

Sometime I like to dress up a little, or even dress more like a “girl” according to society. I don’t mind all the clothes, but why must I show so much off?? I’d dress more like a girl if things fits better, didn’t show everything off, and weren’t so tights I can’t breath. You’re probably saying…go up a size…it doesn’t work like that. Going up a size means it’s not so tight, but then it doesn’t fit properly. There’s just so much wrong with today’s fashion. I want guys to like me for me and my looks, not because I’m showing off my body. And believe me…some people don’t need to be wearing that clothing but that’s all that’s out there so they don’t have a choice…