My man tells me all the time that I need to start to love myself, I need to see that I’m a good person and beautiful, but I can’t do that. I can’t see myself as good, I can’t see myself a beautiful, I don’t see myself as anything he says and I blame my family for this. But that’s a struggle too because really…I blame myself. It’s my fault, it always is.
My sister’s wedding rehearsal is tonight and I’m a failure. I spent 2 hours getting ready this morning, doing my hair, trying to make it corporate, and FINALLY got it to look half way decent…then the freaking wind hit! You would have thought I was hanging out in the flats of Colorado again! We never get wind like that here! Messed my hair all up. Back to the shower I went, frustrated as can be. This time, I straighten my curls and gave up. It’s down and straight, done nothing else to it. My mother has been screaming at me since. “Why don’t you do something with your hair? It looks like shit! Why don’t you try to be a girl and actually look decent!”
Now it’s my outfit…that her current problem…I’m never dressed good enough. But when I do dress up she gives me shit about it all the time, never stops! I’m so sick of it! I’m never good enough!! I’m a jeans and t-shirt type of girl…GET OVER IT! I will dress how I want and I don’t give a fuck anymore! You hear that mom?? FUCK YOU! I WILL DRESS AND LOOK AS I WANT!! I’m sick of it!
I will never feel good about myself because my parents have NEVER told me anything good about myself since I can remember. They never told me they loved me, they never told me they cared about me, they never told me they are proud of me…I’ve never been good enough, I will never be good enough. I’m done with it!
Want to see what I look like?? E-mail, firstname.lastname@example.org, me with a request to seemy recent post and I will let you see!