Day 14 is missing and I haven’t a clue what happened to it! This is getting frustrating! It’s ruining my challenge! Right now I don’t even feel like retyping anything for it, so fuck it. That’s the mood this fucking holiday has me in!
To be merry? Fuck that!
Suicides increase during the holiday season, so do cardiac arrest not suicide related. If those people have a “family” like mine…well I don’t blame them! My so called “parents” make me want to kill myself daily and they don’t give a damn either! Fuck them all. When I’m out of here I’m never coming back. I hate the fucking holiday season! I hate the fucking holidays! I hate this whole damn season!
It wasn’t always like this, I miss how the holiday season used to make me feel…at least how some of it made me feel. That will never come back…it’s dead, like how I feel right now.
Tomorrow is Christmas and I don’t care. Where did the magic go? The excitement I had as a kid? The joy holiday’s brought knowing you’d get to run around with all your cousins, the whispers about who got what for Christmas, the laughter…
Where did you go Christmas??
Today was a pretty good day, minus the sinus infection I woke up with! I was stuck in hell with Chief Bitch but I spent as much time as possible avoiding her. In fact, I spent all day avoiding her! I spent the day with my man, except for the few calls we had. Since we both work the next couple days and aren’t sure we’ll actually be able to see each other on Christmas we decided to do gifts today, just in case. He loved his! I was so excited! And he was so surprised!
Last year for Christmas, my man got me and Xbox, which he refers to as my “therapy” device. I used Call of Duty to suppress my anger, boy does it help! After my brother moved in with my dad I was Xboxless and last year my man fixed that for me! I was SO happy! We this year he out did himself again!! While I was hiding out with him, he gave me one gift and told me to use it right away. Since I wasn’t feeling good at all, he knew this would help me and give me something to do…
Ted!!!! : ) I love that movie! It’s funny, sad, and just awesome! Back when my man and I first got together I hated the fact that he couldn’t hold me all night or stay, so he got me a teddy bear to keep with me. We named him Patches. Patches goes everywhere with me!! Even work…but shhh no one knows that! So since Patches came to work and we both went to hide out with my man, then opened this gift, Patches and I watch the movie…sort of. The sinus infection knocked me out for a while. But it was great, my man held me till I fell asleep and then took really good care of me when I woke up. I got very lucky and had just two calls for my truck so avoiding the station was easy.
After we got done with the movie he was too excited for me to wait for some of my other gifts, so he had me open the next one…
Currently we cache with my man’s older eTrex and love it! But it’s outdated, wasn’t designed for geocaching then and just slowed down, so he got me this one!! How cool!! I’m so excited! I had been looking at them for a while, considering it, but knew the one he has was fine for us. Well, he decided that I needed my very own for any adventures I go on and I was extremely surprised about it! I can’t wait to go out and use it!! If only it would freaking warm up here!
He also got me a Kinnect for my Xbox with the Harry Potter game! : ) I was so excited for that too!! I admit…I’m the Harry Potter generation!! And was so excited to see this game come out and even more excited when he picked it out all on his own for me!! He’s great to me!!
He came home with me tonight after work to take care of me, brought me food which I was unable to eat, and rubbed my back until I was calmed down and comfortable. Got me anything I needed and just sat here with me. God I wish he could stay with me! I hated seeing him go SO bad! It hurts! We just had a wonderful little Christmas to ourselves and he has to leave. It hurts so bad.
As for Christmas…every year I make my own cards, but this year I failed miserably because I just mailed them today! Between work, work, and more work I never got a chance to finish them until Wednesday, then Thursday we were so busy I never made it to the post office!! Oh well..I just hope everyone gets them at least by the day after at the latest. Here is a preview of my cards.
Looking at this picture I realize my carpet looks like I haven’t vacuumed…ever. WTF?! I just did it right before this picture…guess I need to try again. I’m off to bed to try and recover from this infection some because my next day off is Christmas Day.
Oh, and Chief Bitch update…she refuses to talk to me, literally! I asked a question today and she ignored me!! Fucker! (Pardon my language) And she finally added me to the schedule…a whole fucking TWO days!!! I went from averaging 20 shifts a month to just TWO FUCKING shifts!!!!!! And it happened as soon as the bitch took over the fucking schedule because she just has to be in control of everything! Can I hit her?? That’s all I want for Christmas!
I haven’t posted much about my man lately. We are going. Doing good. He says he hurts with me, but is trying to help me through this. I sure hope he can.
As for Christmas, there were two things he wanted so I scraped up money and got them both! He forgot he asked for the first, but I think he has the other figured out. I’m also planning on trying to cook a nice dinner for him soon. I’ll only have a few stolen minutes Christmas Day to see him. We both work before and right after. Shame.
As for my gifts…he is torturing me like normal!! “The are round, but yet square.” “Big, but yet small.” “Sharp, but yet it isn’t.” Ugh! Men!! Ha but it’s fun! Keeps me smiling during this shit. This morning he said he can’t fit it all in his garage! He’s messing with me. I would LOVE to own a 2012 Chevrolet 2500 HD, dura max diesel! Decked out! When I did the specs, the total came out to $56,000!! I’m gonna need a new career…
Tis the season to hate the holiday! Ugh! So my parents are new to this divorce thing, as am I, and it FUCKING SUCKS! In so many ways, but why not start with the recent problems…
Went to put up the Christmas tree today…found out my father took the good tree. So got out the prelit tree, half the damn lights are out on it! Nope, can’t just replace those. Spent an hour cutting off just one strand and said, “fuck it” and left the rest. Went to get the box of lights to put on it…yea, he stole that box. My mother was not please. So went to the store to get the crabby bitch lights, she wasn’t satisfied. Spent $68 to hear her bitch. She likes the mulit-colored. Me? I hate the look so I got just clear and blue. She wasn’t happy. I told her I was returning the damn things and she can get her own lights. She didn’t take that too well. Ended up putting my lights on the tree. Then my brother brought over ONE strand of multi-colored that my idiot father said we could have. ONE FREAKING STRAND!! What is the point?! Seriously!!
I give up. I added that stupid SINGLE strand of multi-colored to satisfied her and left it at that. Didn’t add any ornaments or anything. Then decided that while was the weather was decent (sun out and 43 degrees) that I would do the outside lights. Hey guess what, the fucker stole those too! Zero outside lights! And not only did he steal the lights for outside, he stole ALL the outside decorations too!
Went to fix the shower the other day for my mom…yea, he stole every single tool we had. And I mean down to the last screwdriver! He seems to find this shit funny. Went to clean the garage…he had my brother come “borrow” the blower…didn’t have that. Went to cut the grass…he took the lawn mower again and hasn’t returned it. WTF?! I mean come on! It’s just not getting funny anymore. I can’t do anything because he freaking stole the shit I need. And I refuse to call the asshole or go over to borrow it. He’s been in his house for almost 7 months now, I have been over there TWICE, and it’s about a 3 mile drive away. Oh well.
The good news though, I had my cousins today. They are like my own children. They kept me smiling during it all, which helps. They are all excited, they go new phones (early Christmas present) and have been downloading games and driving me nuts to play! Ha I love it though. The oldest hangs out with me more, he loves coming over. We geocache, which he LOVES, and play Xbox all the time, which we did some today. He’s really excited because I got him an early Christmas present. I got him a $10 gift card to download the geocaching application to his phone and he loves it! In fact, we went caching right after he downloaded it so I could show him how to use it. : )
I had more to report, but my ADHD is kicking in and my adderall hasn’t started working yet. Sorry…I’ll be back once it does. Enjoy the day all! I know I am before I have to go into “hell” job…
Tonight Charlie St. Cloud was on tv and I called my man so he could watch it. This movie will always mean something to me, see it was the first movie my man and I went to watch. I still remember that day very much. I was still “with” the asshole boyfriend. He was there, trying to control me, yelling at me, but was never truly there. He just wanted to yell at me and talk down to me. He never really cared about me. So after a particularly bad day, my man stole me away. He took me out for the day and since it was quit chilly we needed something to do inside so we hit the movies.
The beginning of the movie was hard for me because of my car accident. I couldn’t watch and had tears in my eyes, but my man held my hand tight and kept me close. He held me close the whole movie and this was the first time we really got close to each other. I remember watching the movie but never really focusing on it, I spent more time thinking about him and what he meant to me. This movie always reminds me of that day, the day I realized just how much I loved him and why. He will always be my man!
So I need some help, with Christmas and what to do…maybe you can help me rocks since you and him are close in age. Last year I got him this book I made, it was custom with reasons why I love him. He totally loved it! Had tears when I gave it to him! Each page said, “I love….” and gave a reason why with a little stick figure on it saying why. I used some of the precreated pages and then made my own. He keeps it right next to his bed and reads it from time to time. Now my problem is…how the hell do I top that?!?!
I don’t really have to top that, but I have no idea what to get him at all! Help!! Any ideas? Suggestions?? Anything? He always gets on me about spending too much, tells me not to because he knows my situation with the medical bills and just hates when I spend money on him. In my opinion, I don’t care, if it’s something he will truly love, then I’ll spend the money. I thought about making something, but I don’t know what to make. I’m quit crafty and skilled at a lot of different things. Maybe frame some of my pictures for him? I don’t know!
Please help! All suggestions are welcome!