Deep Breath…Hold…Scream!

I’m so pissed! Like beyond being able to write and function! This new stupid, worthless, fucking bitch of an “Interim Chief” at “hell” job is making my life a living fucking hell! So she’s pissed at me for causing Mr. ex-Lieutenant his promotion…she’s not even suppose to know why he got demoted, but some how knows it was my fault…go fucking figure! And she knew this before she became the “bullshit Chief” and now that she’s been put temperaly in charge…well I’m really fucked! And as the old Chief put it…”she’s pissed for the demotion, and she’s even more pissed at the fact that you are a good employee and there is nothing she can do too change that. And she can’t get you in trouble either. So she’s making it hell for you.” Oh fuck is she ever!

And to make matters worse, not only did she fucking abandon me TWO hours from our station to drop off a vehicle, she also changed our shift change time completely fucking me over! I just lost my major income! Fucking bitch!! She fucked over several other employees that work all the time as well and they aren’t happy at all! Now I can’t work there hardly at all! Great right? Not really because that was the majority of my income, that is how I survived, that was about 80% of my monthly income. Even though it’s the lowest paying job…below $9.50 an hour…it had so many hours available I got to make easy money…not anymore!

And yes, I make less than NINE dollars and 50 cents to risk my life to save others…hell, at one job I volunteer for it and make zero money…love this government. But don’t feel bad for me, I feel for the soldiers that are making an average of $38,000 a year to defend your freedom and ask for very little, if anything, in return.

Back to the story…so I want to try to get the staff she is fucking over to do a vote of no confidence…I figured everyone hates me, why not do this shit right! So anyone out there have experience with this? And care to share ideas on writing a letter to the city for it…?

The Real Reason

Not really sending this, just needed to write to get things off my mind.

Chief Blank,

There are many reasons why I resigned my position with “said department” which I would like to share with you. These are things I did not feel should be included in my resignation letter, however I feel you should know them. Things have been bad at the department for me from the beginning and it just never stopped, things became too much for me. These people here have pushed me to the end of my rope on more than one occasion, but recently I started to question this more and decided I will no longer allow that.

You asked me in the meeting we had not to quit and to give you the chance to fix this, I honestly had full intentions of this when I left. I have full faith and trust in you, I know you want to fix this and help me but the more I started thinking the more I realized that you can’t really help me. These people never stop. These problems have been going on for too long and happen too often for you to keep up and fix them all, it’s just not possible. The problems will never stop

I really am sorry for not giving you the chance to fix this, but you have much more important things to take care of, you don’t need to be worrying about this. I realized that all of these problems come from me, they all involve me, and the best thing I can do to take care of the problem is quit. It’s really that simple. I don’t want to take up your time with these problems, this is why I never came to you in the beginning.

The amount of laziness and lack of appreciation here has also made my decision to quit easier. I work hard over here with very little help and the only appreciation and thanks I get comes from Chief Blank2. I get satification knowing that I’m doing my job and I try to do it well, but when you do it for this long with little to no help, it gets tiring. I love going to PR events, I don’t mind working around the station, I like keeping a clean truck, but when I watch the full time staff with the highest pay not help or appreciate myself, the lowest paid employee, it just makes me not care much anymore. It’s hard to keep motivated when you’re making the least amount of money and the highest paid staff isn’t right there next to you. It won’t stop me from working hard, I like to earn every penny I make, but it makes me not want to come in here anymore.

I was worried about retaliation from my co-workers because no matter what anyone tries to do to protect someone, they will be retaliated against, it’s just how the world works. Without me here, there is no need to worry about that retaliation and it has brought me some relief knowing that. I haven’t been eating or sleeping in weeks, not since things really took a turn for the worse here, but now I have taken comfort in knowing I don’t have to put up with it much longer.

I worried about you talking to Captain Dumbass about the situation, however knowing that I am not returning I no longer worry about this. He has been going around telling people that he is finally getting fired for what he did to me, this is part of why my life at “said department” has gotten worse. I never told anyone, not until our meeting, however I did not divolgue everything that happened between myself and Captain Dumbass. I’m embarassed by it, I just can’t bring myself to talk about it. I found a document on my computer that was written shortly after the events which I have attached to this e-mail for you to read. I know this matter should have been brought to you much sooner, I am truly sorry about that.

I have enough to deal with in my life, I don’t need these people to ruin it anymore than they already have. I am really sorry to waste you time sitting down with you, bringing all these problems to the table and then quit shortly after, but that was not my intention. During our meeting when you asked what you could do to fix this, at that moment I realized that there truly wasn’t anything you could do to fix this situation. This stuff have been going on for far too long to fix. The only true fix for this is for me to resign and the problems will take care of themselves.

I appreciate the experience and opportunity I have had here at “said department”. I really hate to leave, I like working in small town “job”, I get a lot of appreciation and thank yous when out around town and I love that part of my job. However my co-workers have overpowered that part and it’s no longer enough to keep me here. I really will miss it. Things like “one event”, “another event”, 4th of July, they are things I look forward to. I enjoy getting out and working with the public, but it’s not enough to keep me here anymore, I’m sorry.

I appreciation you sitting down, listening to me, and offering to fix these problems, but that isn’t possible for one person. I appreciate the opportunity to work for this orginization and hope you well. I hope you keep a good mind if any future employement calls for recommendation.

Thank you for everything you have done,

Completely Unexpected

I had my meeting today, with the Police Chief and City Administrator regarding everything that has been going on at work. I broke down, wasn’t expecting to but finally did. The Police Chief has these eyes that can be extremely intimidating! He looks through you, not at you. He’s a scary man. Those eyes are what first greeted me, those scary “I know everything” eyes. But shortly after those eyes, a smile. Just a small one, enough for me to relax a little. We all sat down, then it began. I’m not one for talking, usually everything is stuck in my head and I have a hard time making words out of it, but I did my best. I talked, said what was going on, everything that was wrong, from the beginning. They asked questions, I answered.

It was going good, then the Police Chief asked, “What can I do to make this better?” And that’s when it hit me, I realized there is nothing he can do and by sitting down and talking to him I was only making my situation worse. I broke down. Tears came I couldn’t stop and I clammed, the only words that came out of my mouth after that were answers to their questions. Then those eyes changed, they weren’t scary anymore, they were full of concern and maybe a little guilt, it was hard to tell. I told him there was nothing he could do to help me, my only option was to quit. He told me to give him a chance, “don’t quit yet, let me have a little time to fix this.” I guess since I have an entire month off after next week, what the hell…give him some time and come back and see how things go.

Then he said it, he said he was going to pull each of these people into his office, “there are two sides to every story” and he needs their side too. Well…I’m fucked. All it takes is pulling one of those people into the office, they get to leave, warn everyone and get their stories to match. I know what’s going to happen here, this is why I never told anyone just how bad things are. These people make me want to kill myself on a regular basis…no one knows just how bad things are and how bad I’m suffering. I know they are going to get their stories together and say everything to discredit me. I’m ready for this, when he tells me that my story does not match everyone else’s, well I will hang my head and this will be my response, “I knew that was going to happen, this is why I never did anything before, I know how these people work. I will have a letter for you tomorrow with my two weeks notice. Thank you for listening to me and everything you did. And thank you for the opportunity to work within this organization.”

I’m so fucked now. Even he, Mr. Scary Eyes, can’t protect me from these people.

What Now?

I had a rough day at work this weekend and vented on here. Sorry guys, you probably don’t care. I e-mailed my Chief requesting an entire month leave, since I’m part-time this shouldn’t be hard to honor. I did not receive a response, which I figured I wouldn’t until Monday when he’s back in the office. I know the e-mails go to his phone, but I figured he either wouldn’t read it or wouldn’t respond until he is back in the office. I pushed it out of my mind the best I could and moved on with my weekend.

Today I spent some time with my totally awesome man, we went geocaching at some pretty awesome parks. It was HOT! But still had fun. Only got about 1/8 of this park that was a favorite of mine when I was little so I plan on going back asap. I can’t wait!! I hope to take my cousins with me too, that’ll be fun! We found a lot of really cool caches and all big ones too! Usually I get all micros, rarely does a park around here have this many containers with more goodies in them. I went searching for some trackables, found none though which was a bummer.

While we were out enjoying the day I heard my phone go off notifying me I got an e-mail which I usually ignore because e-mails come through all the time like crazy. Something told me to look at this one, so I did. It was a response from my Chief! He sent it from his office computer too! Meaning he may have been up there looking for me. This was his response:


I have no problem granting you this leave time. I’m not sure what type of issues you are having with other employees. This is the first time I have heard from you regarding any issues. I encourage you to contact me the next time you work (or before if you prefer) so that you can make me aware of the issues that are bothering you and I will do everything in my power to correct any problems that exist.

Chief Blank

That was nice of him. Now let’s brake this down, shall we…

  • “Not sure what type of issues you are having”…this could take all day if you want to hear it all.
  • “This is the first I have heard from you”…of course it is, I don’t go whining to the boss when every little thing happens and I’m not going to go whining to you now.
  • “I encourage you to contact me”…of course you do, it’s your job on the line if you don’t offer me this. I never said I wanted to discuss the issue, I just said there was one and I want a leave, end of story.
  • “I will do everything in my power to correct any problems”…once again, you’re required to say this. Does firing every asshole there fall “within your power”?? Just curious.

Let’s discuss here a bit why all these people I work with hate me so much. There seems to be a chronic case of “lazy” going around and it’s very contagious! Some people will actually lay there and let me clean around them!! That’s how bad the lazy is! They don’t do their dishes, don’t pick up after themselves, don’t clean anything, and bitch about having to run calls! WTF?! This is your JOB! I’m always cleaning, washing trucks, taking care of things around the station, working on trucks, fixing things, teaching CPR/First Aid, working PR events, going to schools to talk to kids…all the things our full time staff should be doing, but lazy has effected them too. Well, my fellow employees hate me for this because it makes them look bad. They also hate me for being chief’s “favorite”. I’m not the “favorite” and I sure as hell don’t get any special treatment, I’m just liked because I get my lazy ass up!

I grew up where if I didn’t get up and do the work I’ll get my ass beat, literally. You think I’m going to show up to a job that PAYS and NOT do the work I’m suppose to?? I don’t think so! Having good morals and work ethic has made my life at work a living hell, but you know what…when it comes time for promotion or a new job, who do you think will be more likely to get it? Not them, that’s for damn sure. Besides I just flat out feel bad and guilty if I’m not working when I’m getting paid to do so. Hate me all you want, I’m not changing the way I work because of your lazy and poor attitude.

Tomorrow I’m back to work and will have my meeting, I will keep you updated on how that goes. Good night all.

It’s official

The chief put in his 30 day notice, which means our organization will officially be shut down. I’d like to thank my ignorant captain and his uneducated mind! He ruined everyone’s career and our lives! This is so not what I need in the middle of this economy. I used to be proud of where I worked and the job I did…not anymore. I need a job. ASAP!

To top off this hellish day, in two weeks time I’m scheduled for emergency surgery to get my wisdom tell removed. I need them out bad but now I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford it. Someone help!!! Today I just feel like crying! I feel like my life has hit a sudden dead end.

I’d like to apologize right now because this blog might be taking a turn for the worse. I will be using this blog to help me keep myself straight and work through this. I do have next week to look forward to, I have a very big interview and I’m praying it all goes well!! I need this!!