Hello May!

Well good evening all! How’s life? Mine is confusing as hell! I’m so lost on where to start so a list and then cover it one by one, and apologize my medicine is not working at it’s best today so I will be all over today.

1. My mother and her boyfriend are getting married…less than a year from their “announced dating” and less than 3 years from her divorce…great idea…

2. My man! : )

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with.

4. My dirt bike.

5. Whatever else has happened…let’s think about it.

Let’s start…

1. Yea, my mother has a boyfriend…he’s JUST like my father! She divorced my dad because all he does is sit around drinking beer…that’s all he does! From the moment he gets up to the time he goes to bed. He drinks and sleeps. That’s it. I was suppose to go visit the family out of town but my mom and him decided they wanted to go…well I passed on going because I refuse to ride in a vehicle with him and I wasn’t going to deal with the bitch for driving myself separate. So I missed out…again. If it’s not work causing me to miss out, it’s her! I schedule myself for ever holiday, just so I can avoid her and my dad’s family….I feel so alone but I realize I’m much better off without them and the trouble they are determined to start. It makes my heart hurt until they hurt me again…then I remember why I’m so alone.

2. My man! Man I love him! And wish every day we could have a normal life…I just want a family and life with him…a fun filled life with him! He makes me so happy! We’ve gone camping some and have some great trips planned coming up so if you follow my photography page…watch for some pictures soon! If not and you want to see it, e-mail me…

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with…well that sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer! lol He’s still determined I find someone closer to my age and start a family and live happy together…well, a coworker of mine has been a friend for a while and my man is determined I actively seek after him…not going to lie, he is a great guy and just awesome, but I love my man…it tears me up. I’m so lost but my man is still here helping me any way he can, which is good. He loves me and is here for me, but I am to keep my mind and options open. He supports any decision I make.

4. My dirt bike…anyone want to contribute to my happiness?! : ) Just kidding…I’m working like every day…literally…and the 1 or 2 full 24 hours a month I get off work is spent either working on my bike or finding a friend I can ride with to take it riding. It’s what keeps me happy and my man knows that. He even tries to arrange for me to get a ride somewhere to take my bike out. He says he loves to see my smile when I ride so tries to ensure I can do that. : ) I sure love it! I would LOVE to race! But there’s not affording that. I’m working SO hard to try and get myself a truck so I can go riding…I would love that but I won’t be able to afford that with my career choice…oh well.

5. Everything else…life is just keeping me busy. I’m really sorry I don’t post anything, my job keeps me busy and since I’m at it ALL the time…well it gets very hard trying to post. I apologize. I don’t always get to respond, but I do read what you all write, all of it! Keep writing, I love reading! Take care all. I’m off work for a few hours, spending it working on my bike to help me relax. : )

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30 Day Challenge: Day 2

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Day 2 and going strong. Time for 20 facts about me…try to keep up!

1. My mother was 8 months pregnant when she found out she was having twins (surprise!). She named me after the song she heard on the drive home, lucky baby number 1 right here.

2. My childhood was living hell (or at least close to it). My father physically beat me any chance he got, and as an added bonus I got to listen to him call me names and degrade me. My mother loved to remind me how worthless I am, how I will never amount to anything, and make me feel so helpless. Both my parents are extremely controlling, to the point where it effects my daily life, they literally scare me.

3. I LOVE my job and career, but I HATE the politics! So much so that I’ve considered finding a new career.

4. I hate our current president and his clan of mindless idiots. They are ruining this country and his damn color has nothing to do with it, he’s just an idiot! I think the government should be VOLUNTEER positions!

5. I own several handguns that are practically always on me. I will exercise the right to defend myself if you feel the need to threaten me. I pray I never need it, however I will if I have to.

6. I am currently working 7 jobs (yes SEVEN) just to stay afloat! This UNaffordable health care SHIT is drowning me! I can’t make ends meet anymore and it’s killing me.

7. If I could afford to go to school to be a doctor I would! I would love to be an ER doctor or something but I will never be able to afford that.

8. I really wanted to join the military after high school but a car accident paralyzed me from the waist down for several hours and due to a traumatic head injury I can’t even qualify for the National Guard. It hurts me bad that I could never join. I hate it.

9. I love taking pictures and share my work and sell some too. I just wish I had a job that supported more travel so I could get out and capture the world.

10. I am a loser. Between the 7 jobs and basic housework I have no life. Seriously it’s work and home, nothing else. I’m a loser.

11. I don’t drink. Ever. Not even a sip, I refuse to be like my parents. Because I don’t drink I’ll never find a guy, I hate clubs and bars so I’m “weird”…you know, the loser.

12. I made a promise to my man that I would “keep an open mind” at his request. I have always wanted kids and a family but he thinks I should have that with someone my age so we can “grow old together”. He wants me to keep an open mind to any guys out there, encourages me to date and meet new people, and wants nothing nothing more than me letting him know if I’m going on a date, and he wants nothing in return. He just wants me happy. But until someone comes along he is still my man and as much as I want that family, I’m in no rush to leave the man that treats me like a God. He is SO good to me!

13. My dog is my life. He is the only one that is always there for me, loves me no matter what, and has become my best friend. If a rare occasion comes that I’m off work, I don’t want to leave home because my furry buddy can’t go. We will literally lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours just because I can’t leave him.

14. I love to geocache! It really sucks working so much, I wish I could go more. But what I really wish…I wish someone paid me to geocache and take pictures. How great would that be!

15. I have a horrible case of ADHD! It has been known my whole life. Teachers in school use to just send me off because I couldn’t sit still, never got written up, no suspensions, not detentions either but I literally skipped class all the time and barely ever did homework (between the beatings and the ADHD, I didn’t have time).

16. I can never sleep. Ever. It takes hours to fall asleep, I randomly wake up at all hours, and I always wake up before 6:30 for some reason. I am living in a constant stages of tired.

17. I love water! I am a strong swimmer. I can spend hours swimming and not tire out. I can tread water at the lake for hours and do laps too. I love to wakeboard and basically all things water.

18. I’ve thought about killing myself more times than I care to remember, and I still think about it often. I’ve tried a couple times but that was before I knew how. I never told anyone.

19. I live with migraines almost daily. I have “functioning” migraine, which basically means I can get up and still work, though it’s not easy. I am always in pain and it’s horrible.

20. One day, I will change the world. I don’t know how, but I will.

30 Day Challenge: Day 1

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Well, I’m joining the challenge. Several of the bloggers I follow have started the challenge and I want something to get me back to blogging, I miss how it made me feel. I miss being able to write anything I want and have support from those reading, it helped me in more ways than I can explain.

So why have I not been blogging? Just no time, between work and calls and life in general…I literally have no time. I’m a loser. I either work or am at home with my dog doing nothing…I’m such a waste. So I hope to stick with this challenge and write a little something each day and hopefully many more after.

Day 1 is my blog name, our24yearagegap. If you’ve read my blog you know what the name means, but for any new readers coming across this, I am in love with a man 24 years older than me and he loves me too. We have an outstanding relationship and if you don’t look at our age you would think we were completely normal. We have so much in common and get along so well…it’s just an outstanding relationship. His family accepts what we are and so do many of my friends, however my family is very judging and not accepting to anything outside the “normal” so we live in semi secret when it comes to them.

So in short, the name of my blog has to do with the man I love, more than I ever thought possible. I just can’t explain it.

Getting Away

Tomorrow I leave, for 4 whole days, with my man! Our time to get away and talk, discuss everything, but mostly just to get away from everything. I need to get away! Currently I’m sitting with my dog on my lap, holding him close tonight. I’m going to miss him bad!! But like I said, I’m ready to get away.

It has been a long couple of days of work, nothing horrible has happened, it’s just been long. Life at hell job…well it’s not bad because I’m never there. When I am there, everyone bitches about it and how horrible this stupid ass useless “Chief” is. Like beyond useless and stupid too! I just can’t even begin to explain the level of stupid without typing an entire book. It’s just getting ridiculous! I hope they shut the place down, that would be the best thing for it and start a new one in a few years. So that place has turned so stupid that it’s starting to get funny. But I only work there like one shift a week and starting October it’ll be a LOT less than that! No one is working, it’s gotten crazy, not even enough people to run a truck. I find it SO fucking funny!!

But starting tomorrow morning at 7am I am out of here and not thinking about any of it or anything! I might be around posting if I spend time typing everything in my head, but I doubt it. I have so many thoughts, like non stop, I have talked about this before I just can’t get to paper or a computer to write it all out. My mind is just non stop all the time! Damn you ADHD!! Speaking of that…it’s acting up right now so I’m going to go to bed and sleep some before I get up to see my man and take off! Enjoy your weekend all! I will catch up when back!

My Life in a Nutshell

Boy has life been busy! In the past 19 days I have worked 18 of them. Apparently everyone decided to give me shifts at the exact same time, then several people called for me to pick up shifts and stupid me couldn’t say no. But that’s ok, I have two days off, picked up another 3, then two more off. I need the money SO bad right now, I just have to deal with it. Fuck you Obamacare! You fucked me over royally! I hope you get impeached! You are by far the WORST President we have ever had! And NO, your color has nothing to do with it…you’re just a fucking idiot! There, I said it. And if you tell me I’m work, I have plenty of evidence to prove you wrong. You need to educated yourself.

Anyway, back to my life. So I’m keeping busy with work. Joys. I’m really looking forward to next weekend. My man and I are going on our little camping trip to get away and talk. He said he left like he did in hopes that I would find a “nice young man” to date. He said he loves me so much he wanted to do “what was best for me” but as we know, that wasn’t exactly what was best or how to handle it best. He’s back in my life because he realized it wasn’t the best for me, but he wants me to stay open to finding someone. I am really looking forward to this trip though, time to get away from this world!

This fall I am going to Michigan for my photography. My man is taking me, he wants to encourage my photography and he loves my work, so he is taking me up there to get some pictures he wants and is encouraging me to take many more while I am there. I’m really excited about this because we have some really nice locations planned and I’m ready to take some more pictures. It has been a while, I just haven’t felt like it really. So I’m ready to get out there and get some more. In a new place too! If I haven’t shared my photography page with you and you want to see it, please e-mail me or comment with your e-mail and I will share it. I have a Facebook page and Instagram too that I share my work on, some pictures can be ordered directly from a website too if you like the work. If you just want to see it and not buy it’s cool, I just like sharing my pictures.

Finally, despite working a million days in a row I am keeping up with the Geocaching challenge, I have 13 caches for the 13 days of August so far, how many have you gotten? It’s tough keeping up with working but I’m going strong!

Life…What’s Happening?

I’m here, but not sure what to do with my blog. I guess right now I can start with an update of what has happened and what is going on.

I had a long talk with my man today…a VERY LONG talk! I will still refer to him as my man because right now I don’t know what else to call him. It has been a rough month, but he finally sat down with me and we talked. I did a lot of talking this time and he listened, he finally listened. But I guess I should start back at the beginning, when this all happened. I believe his birthday is what started all this, it’s a significant year for him, but he doesn’t like to celebrate his birthdays for obvious reasons. He doesn’t want to get old, which I don’t like either, but it’s part of life and part of this relationship.

When I think about our relationship, I don’t think about the age gap we have, I look at him as my equal, my best friend, and the one I want my life with. I can’t explain it, but I loved him long before I admitted it to myself. Something about him, we just connected from the beginning. He was the one for me, the one I wanted my life with and the one that was just perfect in so many ways for me! He was my best friend before anything else.

He let the age difference effect him more than I thought. I knew from the beginning that choosing a life with him would be different for me. We were in some different stages of life, but we fit together so perfectly. I knew that I may miss out on some things, but I’ve never been one to go out to the bar. I don’t drink because of my parents so my chances of finding someone my age and someone that doesn’t want to go to the bar all the time is practically impossible. Things just fit with us because of that and so much more.

After our talk today, he said the reason he “left” like he did and hasn’t been in my life, was because he was hoping I would go out and find a nice “young man” that would treat me right. Basically, that backfired. The further away he pushed me and the further away he went, the more I wanted time with him. I just missed him more and more every day. He finally understands now, after this long talk, that his way of handling that wasn’t the right way.

He said he always wants to be in my life, but he thinks it better if I find someone more “suitable” for me but I told him I had what was suitable for me. No one will ever treat me as good as he did, no one will ever love me like he did, no one will ever make me as happy as he has, and no one will ever be what he was to me. I just can’t describe it. I love having him as a friend, but I love him as so much more! I don’t want to find someone else, I don’t need to find someone else. I had everything I wanted but he says I deserve more. I don’t know what more is out there…but I don’t think I need to find it.

Today’s talk went good and we planned a camping trip soon, to get away for a few days and talk about this all. We are taking a trip, to one of our favorite camping spots, where no one knows us, and we are going to talk about it. About all of this, what we are and what we want out of life and what we are going to do. We are going to spend a little time together between then and not make any decisions before that trip. So for now, my life just kind of hangs but I am sure glad he’s finally talking to me about all of this. I hope we can figure it out because I can’t take the pain of not having him in my life.

I would also like to thank everyone that responded to my posts, I’m very sorry I didn’t respond back. I was having a real hard time with all this and I appreciate your kind words and help. Thank you!