Hello May!

Well good evening all! How’s life? Mine is confusing as hell! I’m so lost on where to start so a list and then cover it one by one, and apologize my medicine is not working at it’s best today so I will be all over today.

1. My mother and her boyfriend are getting married…less than a year from their “announced dating” and less than 3 years from her divorce…great idea…

2. My man! : )

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with.

4. My dirt bike.

5. Whatever else has happened…let’s think about it.

Let’s start…

1. Yea, my mother has a boyfriend…he’s JUST like my father! She divorced my dad because all he does is sit around drinking beer…that’s all he does! From the moment he gets up to the time he goes to bed. He drinks and sleeps. That’s it. I was suppose to go visit the family out of town but my mom and him decided they wanted to go…well I passed on going because I refuse to ride in a vehicle with him and I wasn’t going to deal with the bitch for driving myself separate. So I missed out…again. If it’s not work causing me to miss out, it’s her! I schedule myself for ever holiday, just so I can avoid her and my dad’s family….I feel so alone but I realize I’m much better off without them and the trouble they are determined to start. It makes my heart hurt until they hurt me again…then I remember why I’m so alone.

2. My man! Man I love him! And wish every day we could have a normal life…I just want a family and life with him…a fun filled life with him! He makes me so happy! We’ve gone camping some and have some great trips planned coming up so if you follow my photography page…watch for some pictures soon! If not and you want to see it, e-mail me…

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with…well that sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer! lol He’s still determined I find someone closer to my age and start a family and live happy together…well, a coworker of mine has been a friend for a while and my man is determined I actively seek after him…not going to lie, he is a great guy and just awesome, but I love my man…it tears me up. I’m so lost but my man is still here helping me any way he can, which is good. He loves me and is here for me, but I am to keep my mind and options open. He supports any decision I make.

4. My dirt bike…anyone want to contribute to my happiness?! : ) Just kidding…I’m working like every day…literally…and the 1 or 2 full 24 hours a month I get off work is spent either working on my bike or finding a friend I can ride with to take it riding. It’s what keeps me happy and my man knows that. He even tries to arrange for me to get a ride somewhere to take my bike out. He says he loves to see my smile when I ride so tries to ensure I can do that. : ) I sure love it! I would LOVE to race! But there’s not affording that. I’m working SO hard to try and get myself a truck so I can go riding…I would love that but I won’t be able to afford that with my career choice…oh well.

5. Everything else…life is just keeping me busy. I’m really sorry I don’t post anything, my job keeps me busy and since I’m at it ALL the time…well it gets very hard trying to post. I apologize. I don’t always get to respond, but I do read what you all write, all of it! Keep writing, I love reading! Take care all. I’m off work for a few hours, spending it working on my bike to help me relax. : )

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30 Day Challenge: Day 2

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Day 2 and going strong. Time for 20 facts about me…try to keep up!

1. My mother was 8 months pregnant when she found out she was having twins (surprise!). She named me after the song she heard on the drive home, lucky baby number 1 right here.

2. My childhood was living hell (or at least close to it). My father physically beat me any chance he got, and as an added bonus I got to listen to him call me names and degrade me. My mother loved to remind me how worthless I am, how I will never amount to anything, and make me feel so helpless. Both my parents are extremely controlling, to the point where it effects my daily life, they literally scare me.

3. I LOVE my job and career, but I HATE the politics! So much so that I’ve considered finding a new career.

4. I hate our current president and his clan of mindless idiots. They are ruining this country and his damn color has nothing to do with it, he’s just an idiot! I think the government should be VOLUNTEER positions!

5. I own several handguns that are practically always on me. I will exercise the right to defend myself if you feel the need to threaten me. I pray I never need it, however I will if I have to.

6. I am currently working 7 jobs (yes SEVEN) just to stay afloat! This UNaffordable health care SHIT is drowning me! I can’t make ends meet anymore and it’s killing me.

7. If I could afford to go to school to be a doctor I would! I would love to be an ER doctor or something but I will never be able to afford that.

8. I really wanted to join the military after high school but a car accident paralyzed me from the waist down for several hours and due to a traumatic head injury I can’t even qualify for the National Guard. It hurts me bad that I could never join. I hate it.

9. I love taking pictures and share my work and sell some too. I just wish I had a job that supported more travel so I could get out and capture the world.

10. I am a loser. Between the 7 jobs and basic housework I have no life. Seriously it’s work and home, nothing else. I’m a loser.

11. I don’t drink. Ever. Not even a sip, I refuse to be like my parents. Because I don’t drink I’ll never find a guy, I hate clubs and bars so I’m “weird”…you know, the loser.

12. I made a promise to my man that I would “keep an open mind” at his request. I have always wanted kids and a family but he thinks I should have that with someone my age so we can “grow old together”. He wants me to keep an open mind to any guys out there, encourages me to date and meet new people, and wants nothing nothing more than me letting him know if I’m going on a date, and he wants nothing in return. He just wants me happy. But until someone comes along he is still my man and as much as I want that family, I’m in no rush to leave the man that treats me like a God. He is SO good to me!

13. My dog is my life. He is the only one that is always there for me, loves me no matter what, and has become my best friend. If a rare occasion comes that I’m off work, I don’t want to leave home because my furry buddy can’t go. We will literally lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours just because I can’t leave him.

14. I love to geocache! It really sucks working so much, I wish I could go more. But what I really wish…I wish someone paid me to geocache and take pictures. How great would that be!

15. I have a horrible case of ADHD! It has been known my whole life. Teachers in school use to just send me off because I couldn’t sit still, never got written up, no suspensions, not detentions either but I literally skipped class all the time and barely ever did homework (between the beatings and the ADHD, I didn’t have time).

16. I can never sleep. Ever. It takes hours to fall asleep, I randomly wake up at all hours, and I always wake up before 6:30 for some reason. I am living in a constant stages of tired.

17. I love water! I am a strong swimmer. I can spend hours swimming and not tire out. I can tread water at the lake for hours and do laps too. I love to wakeboard and basically all things water.

18. I’ve thought about killing myself more times than I care to remember, and I still think about it often. I’ve tried a couple times but that was before I knew how. I never told anyone.

19. I live with migraines almost daily. I have “functioning” migraine, which basically means I can get up and still work, though it’s not easy. I am always in pain and it’s horrible.

20. One day, I will change the world. I don’t know how, but I will.

Complicated

Life is just full of complications, isn’t it? Well mine has no short supply!! Things are going ok right now, at least for the moment, so it won’t be long until all hell breaks lose. That’s how it always works so I’m just waiting.

Hell job is going decent, Chief Bitch has been extra nice to me. I don’t trust her, but I have a feeling she got her little ass chewed. I had a meeting with the highest boss, he was a fucking dick this time had complete false information and was mislead. He wouldn’t let me fix his information but whatever, be a dick. I left that meeting pissed off and not happy at all, but I still showed up. I guess he listened to me some because she’s been really nice lately. She’s fucking up some more, so I guess she has to be nice to me so she can get away with her other fuck ups. Doesn’t matter to me, I have a new job and am working there the smallest amount I’m allowed to do, that’s it.

As for Valentine’s day…well I don’t get to spend it with my man. In fact, I saw him Monday and I won’t see him again till Sunday…I’m bummed. I was finally able to get to the store and find him a card though. The outside of the card says: “To the Man I Love. I remember perfectly the moment I first saw you – the way you were standing, what you were wearing, and the skip in my heart, when we finally spoke.
Everything around us disappeared and all I could see was you. I knew that second I had found the one.” The inside says: “Now, so many memories later, I realize how far we’ve come. But still, some things never change, like the way you take my breath away, whenever I see you walking toward me. With every step we take together, I love you even more. You are my best friend, heart and soul, and the love of my life.” I think it’s perfect. I hate that my family can’t accept him in my life the way he is, but I will never stop fighting for what I want. I hope it works out in the end.

Now it’s time for me to prepare. I’m doing a free photoshoot for a friend of mine, they don’t have a lot of money and just had a kid. I agreed to do the pictures for free and they agreed to share my name and tell as many as they can about me. I’m excited, I’ve never done newborn photos before so that is going to be interesting. I hope all works out! I have some cute props and now it’s time to set everything up and get ready. Hope everyone has a great week. I’ll be around soon.

My Photography

I took another break today from studying. I just can’t keep myself focused for hours after hours, I’m sure I’ll regret this come test time, but I decided to stick to my failed plan and upload some of my pictures. I’ve got MANY photos, some of which I may have already shared here, but I’m sharing again. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you think, if you think it’s bad then tell me. If you think they are good, we’ll I’d love to hear that too.

I recently got accepted to a local University with a scholarship and right now I can’t attend because of money. I can’t get loans to offset the difference, but when I can find a way I’m going to attend. I want to minor in photography, but I haven’t decided what I want to major in yet. I need a backup plan in case of injury and have to change career.

Anyway, now that I’m finally sharing my pictures…what do you think?? All these pictures are sale though a local business, a friend of mine, so if you’re interested please e-mail me and I can get you the information. I have MANY more not even posted here.

Mountains!

Here they are…just a few. I took about 1700 pictures total! Crazy, I know…I wanted to take as many as possible so I had plenty to edit later.

So Happy!

While on a wonderful vacation, with my wonderful man, taking wonderful pictures, I got a Facebook message…someone saw some senior pictures I did of a coworkers kid and they loved them so much they want me to do theirs! How cool is that!?! Kind of nerve racking because I’m new at the senior picture thing but I’m still super excited!

I haven’t set or determined prices, so any suggestions??? I’m not going to charge NEAR what some of these people do! And you can change outfits all you want because paying for more outfits is just crazy in my opinion!!! So, what should I charge? $100? $150? Should I charge less, do the developing and then increase the price by a certain percent on the pictures to make money too? I’m so new at this! But totally excited!!

Will have pictures up from my trip by Sunday…I hope! : ) Loving it here and so not ready to go home!!