Bullying, it’s a normal part of this job. It happens, it’s a “right of passage”. But it’s not really seen as bullying, it’s fun and games, all done in good spirits. It’s all part of the job. But what isn’t part of this job is the hell I’m living in at work. The bullying I’m going through. The constant picking on, the constant backstabbing, the constant pestering, the constant hazing to the point that a person would rather drive into oncoming traffic than continue my drive into work.

My coworkers are pure assholes.

But what makes this story worse? The fact that our chief knows it’s going on and does NOTHING to stop it! He admitted someone that he know I’m being bullied. Yes, you read that right. My chief knows I’m being bullied and is doing NOTHING to stop it.

I am completely on my own in this battle, fighting this fight on my own with no where to turn. To my coworkers, what you are doing is NOT ok and eventually karma will find you! I won’t let you do this to anyone else. I won’t stand up for myself because I never do, but I won’t let do this to anyone else.

One way or another this will stop at me.

Hello 2015, I sure hope you’re better to me…

Hello all! I know I’ve been gone for a while but I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything. 2014 sure went out with a bang and I’m still not completely over it. I will try to keep this all together, say as much as I can, and try to ensure it all makes some sense.

In the beginning of December I ran a coworker in cardiac arrest, this was an outstanding person that was the best at their job! I couldn’t believe it at all, it still feels unreal to this day, all of it. I keep thinking what if things had been different, what could we have done different, did we do everything we could? The worse feeling in the world is standing in the ER and listening to the doctor call the code, my heart just dropped. This happened fairly early into the shift and for those of you that have been following me…yes, this was at hell job. Needless to say the bitch in charge did NOT relieve myself and the other coworker that knew the patient from duty, despite being able to keep a truck in service, we got no opportunity to go home. Yes, I was stressed, I was very stressed because it was job after job after that.

Fast forward exactly one week and I was forced to resign or get fired from hell job. I was working with this new asshole that has to be in everyones business and I just wanted him to go away! Leave me the fuck alone!!!! He just didn’t stop! Things happened on a call, I blocked his hand from touching something and that was the end of that job. He said, “if you touch me we’re going to have a problem.” Fat fuck gets to threaten me and get away with it!! That’s what pisses me off the most! He wouldn’t stop yelling while I tried to explain. Then he said I hit him, then it was I shooed him, then I grabbed his hand and threw it…yes, he couldn’t keep his damn story straight and I’m out a job, no his fat ass! Not to mention, he’s easily 380lbs, maybe more, and I’m maybe 110 soaking wet…but I hit him…? Are you fucking kidding me?! I’m afraid his fat ass will squish me! I wouldn’t “hit” any part of that! Fucking asshole!

Long story short, I’m out a job, about half of my income, and thanks to this fucking Obama care that’s already killing me, I’m really struggling! No where is hiring! I’m even applying for retail jobs and factory work, literally NO ONE is hiring! I can’t pay my bills and to make matters worse my dog had major surgery to save his life. This fucking blows!

So…that’s life right now. I don’t really want to talk about much else at the moment but if you don’t hear from me for a while it’s because I haven’t been anywhere with internet. I just want you to know I’m not gone, just…stuck. I hope everyone has a wonderful start to 2015!

If I were Chief

Anyone that has followed me for a while knows a little bit about “hell job” and the nightmare it is. How horrible my coworkers are, how they eat their own, destroy everything, and what a joke the place had become since the billing bitch was put in charge when the former Chief retired because he couldn’t handle these assholes anymore. If you’re getting hopeful that things have changed then you will be greatly disappointed when I tell you they haven’t…yet. If I could I’d turn in my shit right now, tell them a big “fuck you!”, and walk out.

That jackass that put his hands on me might get his job back. A useless piece of shit got promoted (seriously a rock is more productive!!), people are quitting left and right, most days we don’t even have an ambulance staffed, people are breaking the trucks faster than I can repair them. It’s a fucking joke!!

There is one coworker there that helps keep me sane and boy do I love my shifts with him! He’s far from lazy, helps with all required work plus some, and keeps me laughing. When you put us together there are a lot of shenanigans happening. : ) For example, we set all the alarm clocks to go off at random hours between 1am and 4am and we continue to reset them often as well as hide them for a challenge to find it.

Today, after another round of pissing me off, I had a chat with him. I was doing work this newly promoted lazy fuck refused to do and said “he didn’t get to it”…yea, because your fatass couldn’t get off the couch! While Doug his work I was given more work, even though 3 employees were sitting around watching tv. By the time I finished the first job given to me it was 10 minutes after shift change, so I said forget it and left without finishing. I can’t keep up and it’s not my fault!

Anyway, while talking with this coworker about the crap I came up with a brilliant idea! We are calling it ” If I were Chief”. A list of things we would do different to change the shit there, but add a level of entertainment to it, even if it’s only to entertain ourselves. My first plan of actions? Since no one can turn tv’s off or get up from watching them, I will remove ALL tv cords and cables. You have to earn them back!! Want to buy and bring in your own? Fine, but if I see it then it’s gone until you earn that one back to. Don’t like it? Too bad. Suck it up and do your job!!


Hello May!

Well good evening all! How’s life? Mine is confusing as hell! I’m so lost on where to start so a list and then cover it one by one, and apologize my medicine is not working at it’s best today so I will be all over today.

1. My mother and her boyfriend are getting married…less than a year from their “announced dating” and less than 3 years from her divorce…great idea…

2. My man! : )

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with.

4. My dirt bike.

5. Whatever else has happened…let’s think about it.

Let’s start…

1. Yea, my mother has a boyfriend…he’s JUST like my father! She divorced my dad because all he does is sit around drinking beer…that’s all he does! From the moment he gets up to the time he goes to bed. He drinks and sleeps. That’s it. I was suppose to go visit the family out of town but my mom and him decided they wanted to go…well I passed on going because I refuse to ride in a vehicle with him and I wasn’t going to deal with the bitch for driving myself separate. So I missed out…again. If it’s not work causing me to miss out, it’s her! I schedule myself for ever holiday, just so I can avoid her and my dad’s family….I feel so alone but I realize I’m much better off without them and the trouble they are determined to start. It makes my heart hurt until they hurt me again…then I remember why I’m so alone.

2. My man! Man I love him! And wish every day we could have a normal life…I just want a family and life with him…a fun filled life with him! He makes me so happy! We’ve gone camping some and have some great trips planned coming up so if you follow my photography page…watch for some pictures soon! If not and you want to see it, e-mail me…

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with…well that sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer! lol He’s still determined I find someone closer to my age and start a family and live happy together…well, a coworker of mine has been a friend for a while and my man is determined I actively seek after him…not going to lie, he is a great guy and just awesome, but I love my man…it tears me up. I’m so lost but my man is still here helping me any way he can, which is good. He loves me and is here for me, but I am to keep my mind and options open. He supports any decision I make.

4. My dirt bike…anyone want to contribute to my happiness?! : ) Just kidding…I’m working like every day…literally…and the 1 or 2 full 24 hours a month I get off work is spent either working on my bike or finding a friend I can ride with to take it riding. It’s what keeps me happy and my man knows that. He even tries to arrange for me to get a ride somewhere to take my bike out. He says he loves to see my smile when I ride so tries to ensure I can do that. : ) I sure love it! I would LOVE to race! But there’s not affording that. I’m working SO hard to try and get myself a truck so I can go riding…I would love that but I won’t be able to afford that with my career choice…oh well.

5. Everything else…life is just keeping me busy. I’m really sorry I don’t post anything, my job keeps me busy and since I’m at it ALL the time…well it gets very hard trying to post. I apologize. I don’t always get to respond, but I do read what you all write, all of it! Keep writing, I love reading! Take care all. I’m off work for a few hours, spending it working on my bike to help me relax. : )

I’m Giving Up

When I first got into this field I volunteered 6 months on the ambulance waiting for them to hire me. I have fought for every job I have to prove myself. Every day I work my ass off, cleaning, working, doing everyone else’s work. I volunteer to help all the time, do extra hours, volunteer time, stay around to help, but does it matter? Does it mean anything?

No. It never does and it never will.

I see people all the time get hired, never having to volunteer. People say what excellent employees they are, but I see them sitting around all the time. Zero experience and just walk into a job. They get full time while I’m busting my ass to stay on the part time list.

It pisses me off! More than I can ever explain! More than it probably should. I can’t explain the hurt inside me, the feeling of being forgotten. I can’t stop the pain and I can’t explain why it’s so strong. Tonight I can’t handle it anymore. I’m done! I give up! I quit! I’ll never be good enough, ever. It’s as simple as that.

Ambulance Driver: The New Taxi Service

I recently saw an article titled, “Paramedics will get the power to refuse to take people to the hospital in a bid to crack down on ambulances being used as taxis“. All over the world ambulances are abused and used for reason which they were not created for, even hospitals and nursing homes abuse them. If you don’t want to open the link, or can’t for some reason, here is the article:

PARAMEDICS will have the power to refuse to take people to hospital in a bid to crack down on ambulances being used as taxis.

The NSW Ambulance Service is trialling the hospital refusal on the Central Coast, following a landmark Auditor General’s report that found paramedics should be able to refuse transport to patients that need a band-aid, not a hospital bed.

Currently paramedics cannot refuse to transport a patient to hospital if they insist on going.

The Auditor Generla’s report found that too often, paramedics were forced to take people to hospital regardless of how minor their condition was.

In some cases, Paramedics were forced to spend time with patients who complained of bed bugs, wanted their prescriptions renewed, or had “vision problems caused by mascara”.

NSW Ambulance Chief Executive Ray Creen said the six month Central Coast trial would be rolled out to other stations if it is seen to be a success.

“Having considered the Auditor-General’s recommendations, NSW Ambulance is trialling a process whereby paramedics can refuse to transport a patient to a hospital emergency department where it is clear that transport is not warranted,” Mr Creen said.

“NSW Ambulance, in collaboration with Central Coast NSW Medicare Local, is undertaking a six- month trial. Under the trial, intensive care paramedics can refer — or transport — low acuity patients to their regular GP rather than to a hospital Emergency Department.”

NSW Ambulance Service chief superintendent Graeme Malone, who is the director of models of care, said paramedics on the Central Coast were trained to assess a patient when they arrive on the scene, and decide how to treat them.

“This recognises that up until now, the majority of patients were transported to an ED. Paramedics didn’t have the mechanism set up to refer a patient to a GP,” Chief superintendent Malone said.

This meant that patients with nosebleeds, coughs and colds, and minor sprains could insist on being transported to an emergency department.

Health Services Union NSW Secretary Gerard Hayes said the union backed the trial.

“Giving paramedics the pay and qualifications to triage an medical call out at the scene will help to take pressure off the State’s emergency departments,” Mr Hayes said.

“This is a practice that ought to be expanded to other areas across the State.”

The Auditor General’s report that prompted the change said the public had “unrealistic expectations about the role of the Ambulance Service,” including that an ambulance will fast-track people into hospital, and that ambulances can be called for minor ailments.

By 2021 the Ambulance Service wants to cut 125,000 “unnecessary transports” every year, amid concerns raised by the Auditor General that every day, the services loses an average of 18 ambulances as a result of hospital delays of more than 30 minutes.

Do I want this? Well, YES! I cannot tell you how many times I take people to the ER that do not need it, the abuse is beyond belief! Some people give reasons or excuses, others don’t bother. I will share some stories with you and tell you the truths and myths of their stories.

The most common one I hear, “if I go in by ambulance, I get a room and don’t have to wait.” WRONG! An ambulance does NOT guarantee you a room at all! here’s the deal, if the hospital is busy and you’re not dying for real, you go straight to triage. Yep, you heard that right, ambulances are not except from triage, if they are busy then you get to wait for the people really sick and injured, so quit calling 911 for a damn paper cut! (You laugh, I have been dispatched for that, they wanted an ambulance ride for it…did it happen? No, he was arrested for misuse of the 911 system and claimed the classic chest pain for his transport.)

I love the houses that have family everywhere, 6 vehicles in the driveway, and tell me, “we can’t take the to the hospital”. Are you fucking kidding me?! So you want to take an ambulance out of service because you don’t feel like taking your relative with a cough and runny nose to the DOCTOR? They do NOT need an ER!

I was once dispatched for “back pain” which is a far too common dispatch. En route we were told, “patient fell one week prior, complaining of severe back pain, requesting transport to the ER.” My partner and I just laughed, what else can you do? It’s better than yelling at the patient, right? So we get on scene to the mother on the front porch, she stated (exact words), “He fell last week and has been having a hard time getting around, he is unable to get out of bed without help and cannot move without extreme pain. He needs to go to the hospital.” My first question was, “have you called his doctor?” To which she answered with, “No, he doesn’t need his doctor, he needs you to take him to the ER for help.” WRONG! ABUSE, ABUSE, ABUSE! I’d like to note here, patient has a history of back pain (don’t get me started on this common history… :-/ ) he takes extensive pain medications, like many of our patients calling 911 for back pain.

This house was a split level, you know where you enter to a little landing and either immediately go upstairs or downstairs? So we left the stretcher at the front door and walk inside. This next part…you would probably have to be there to believe me, in fact my partner and I completely froze in amazement…as we start to walk upstairs the patient, yes PATIENT, comes walking, practically RUNNING right past us towards the bedroom. I’m sorry, but…are you fucking kidding me?!?! It must have been a good full minute of pause before my partner got the words, “is that our patient?” our of her mouth while I just stood there with mine wide open. His mother’s response? “I haven’t seen him move like that for days!” Uh huh…we know this story so well. We find him laying in bed, in just “believable pain”.  Talk about abusing EMS.

Other stories I get, which go along with the one above, “I can’t get them to the car”. Well if that’s all you need, I’ll help you do that! But what they really mean…”I don’t want to take them myself”, because as soon as you offer to help get the patient into the car, they suddenly say things like, “well since you’re here”, or “maybe they should go by ambulance”. Funny how that works.

Side note here: I often get patient’s demanding hospitals of their choice by stating, “that’s where my doctor is”…let’s think about this…your doctor is AFFILIATED with the hospital, they are employed in the ER! You will NOT be seeing your doctor, you will not even talk to your doctor! It doesn’t matter which hospital we take you to, they can and will be getting the same information as the hospital you are demanding, so it does NOT matter where you go, unless you get special care for cancer, major condition, etc.

Back to the original topic…should Paramedics be able to refuse to take people to the hospital? Yes and no. I would LOVE to be able to do this because I don’t abuse the refusal forms, many times I talk people into going to the hospital. If you called 911 and I came, you’re going to the hospital UNLESS it truly is complete bullshit! Then I will discuss a refusal with you. So for myself and other Paramedics like me, yes having this ability would be outstanding! But I have worked and do work with many Paramedics that completely abuse the refusal form, and I do not trust them with this ability! They already talk people into refusals that need to go to the hospital, having this new ability they will get the green like to really abuse that refusal form.

Let me know what you think. I think this will help with costs, the cost to use an ambulance, insurance costs, and more, but I’m afraid a few Paramedics will spoil the system for everyone. Then again, maybe this will stop the burnout.

Max Anxiety

Do you remember that asshole I worked with that put his hands on me? I don’t feel like finding the post and tagging it, but any one that has followed me for a while might remember. He was fired for other reasons and I couldn’t have been more excited. Well, recently I found out he was fighting for his job back, and more recently I was told it looks like the asswipe may actually get his damn job back. You have no idea the anxiety this has brought me!

I have a contract with them, which is the only reason I haven’t quit hell job. Well basically if he comes back, I’m determined to get out of this contract and not have to pay them back! I don’t know if this is possible, any lawyer followers out there? My contract isn’t too specific, it definitely doesn’t cover something like this. I REFUSE to ever see his nasty face again!

It’s been some busy days at all my jobs for me, and the anxiety from this is effecting my sleep and eating. I’m suppose to be trying to gain weight but between this and the stomach flu that finally found me, I lost all the weight I had finally started to put on. I hate this so much. I’m going to go back to work to try to keep myself busy. Have a great Monday everyone.

Good Evening

I doubt anyone wondered but I am still alive. I have written like crazy and posted none of it publicly. It’s definitely not stuff I should be thinking, writing, or sharing.

It’s been a rough start to this year and I completely failed my challenge. I love what I do with my job, I hate all this fucking lazy, whinny, money hungry, union brainwashed, assholes I work with!

I do not apologize for this statement and will remove your comments because I can, so get over it.

If you support unions you are a fucking idiot and part of the problem with this country! Please explain why the union does for you besides take your money and pocket it to themselves. It creates “fair working environments”? More like it creates lazy ones!! “Our contract says we don’t have to go outside when it’s above 90 degrees, so no we won’t wash the truck.” But 5 minutes later you are washing your car? Do your fucking job! You get paid to work, fucking work! Quit whining to your damn union that they make you work! You accepted the job, knew what was required, but now you demand higher pay, less work, because you pay the union for that, right? You’re a lazy fuck!

You say it protects your job? Wrong, it protects and supports stupid and lazy! If you got fired, chances are you deserved it! The union should NOT be getting your job back! You’re a fucking asshole that put your hands on me! I fucking hate myself for it and I hate your fucking unions!

How has my year gone? Just fucking dandy!

I apologize for my language, and my language only! Fuck your unions!

30 Day Challenge: Day 4


My dream job…

I don’t know that I’ve ever had a “dream job”, I wanted to be everything growing up, I still do. I wanted to join the military, a car accident ruined that. I wanted to be a professional photographer. I wanted anything that helped me travel the world! I wanted to open a dog shelter and help dogs. I wanted to be a professional motocross racer. I wanted to be more things than I can remember.

I can say that except for the politics and asshole employees, I LOVE my current job! It is basically a dream job. However, if I could become anything, I want to be a doctor. If I could afford it, I’d be in school for that right now. But the next best thing? Being a paramedic and running my truck. I can’t do hospital work, I like making decisions and being on my own. If I became a doctor I would totally travel to take care of the less fortunate. So I guess that is basically my “dream job”.

30 Day Challenge: Day 2


Day 2 and going strong. Time for 20 facts about me…try to keep up!

1. My mother was 8 months pregnant when she found out she was having twins (surprise!). She named me after the song she heard on the drive home, lucky baby number 1 right here.

2. My childhood was living hell (or at least close to it). My father physically beat me any chance he got, and as an added bonus I got to listen to him call me names and degrade me. My mother loved to remind me how worthless I am, how I will never amount to anything, and make me feel so helpless. Both my parents are extremely controlling, to the point where it effects my daily life, they literally scare me.

3. I LOVE my job and career, but I HATE the politics! So much so that I’ve considered finding a new career.

4. I hate our current president and his clan of mindless idiots. They are ruining this country and his damn color has nothing to do with it, he’s just an idiot! I think the government should be VOLUNTEER positions!

5. I own several handguns that are practically always on me. I will exercise the right to defend myself if you feel the need to threaten me. I pray I never need it, however I will if I have to.

6. I am currently working 7 jobs (yes SEVEN) just to stay afloat! This UNaffordable health care SHIT is drowning me! I can’t make ends meet anymore and it’s killing me.

7. If I could afford to go to school to be a doctor I would! I would love to be an ER doctor or something but I will never be able to afford that.

8. I really wanted to join the military after high school but a car accident paralyzed me from the waist down for several hours and due to a traumatic head injury I can’t even qualify for the National Guard. It hurts me bad that I could never join. I hate it.

9. I love taking pictures and share my work and sell some too. I just wish I had a job that supported more travel so I could get out and capture the world.

10. I am a loser. Between the 7 jobs and basic housework I have no life. Seriously it’s work and home, nothing else. I’m a loser.

11. I don’t drink. Ever. Not even a sip, I refuse to be like my parents. Because I don’t drink I’ll never find a guy, I hate clubs and bars so I’m “weird”…you know, the loser.

12. I made a promise to my man that I would “keep an open mind” at his request. I have always wanted kids and a family but he thinks I should have that with someone my age so we can “grow old together”. He wants me to keep an open mind to any guys out there, encourages me to date and meet new people, and wants nothing nothing more than me letting him know if I’m going on a date, and he wants nothing in return. He just wants me happy. But until someone comes along he is still my man and as much as I want that family, I’m in no rush to leave the man that treats me like a God. He is SO good to me!

13. My dog is my life. He is the only one that is always there for me, loves me no matter what, and has become my best friend. If a rare occasion comes that I’m off work, I don’t want to leave home because my furry buddy can’t go. We will literally lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours just because I can’t leave him.

14. I love to geocache! It really sucks working so much, I wish I could go more. But what I really wish…I wish someone paid me to geocache and take pictures. How great would that be!

15. I have a horrible case of ADHD! It has been known my whole life. Teachers in school use to just send me off because I couldn’t sit still, never got written up, no suspensions, not detentions either but I literally skipped class all the time and barely ever did homework (between the beatings and the ADHD, I didn’t have time).

16. I can never sleep. Ever. It takes hours to fall asleep, I randomly wake up at all hours, and I always wake up before 6:30 for some reason. I am living in a constant stages of tired.

17. I love water! I am a strong swimmer. I can spend hours swimming and not tire out. I can tread water at the lake for hours and do laps too. I love to wakeboard and basically all things water.

18. I’ve thought about killing myself more times than I care to remember, and I still think about it often. I’ve tried a couple times but that was before I knew how. I never told anyone.

19. I live with migraines almost daily. I have “functioning” migraine, which basically means I can get up and still work, though it’s not easy. I am always in pain and it’s horrible.

20. One day, I will change the world. I don’t know how, but I will.