My Baby

It’s been a bad couple weeks and it just go worse today. Sorry I haven’t been around blogging much. My puppy has been sick and I’m just heart broken! That’s my boy!! My baby! : (

Two weeks ago I took him to the vet after he hadn’t been acting like himself for a few days. Normally he is very independent, but when he gets sick he hogs your lap and wants to be with someone all the time. He was extra clingy, then I noticed his body was much warmer than normal so I took him in. After some tests he showed positive for a viral infection, which doesn’t produce a fever normally. So they put him on antiviral for that, an antibiotic in case he had something else causing the fever, and also a pain medicine because he has a knee problem where it pops out of place and he can’t walk.

A week later he was done with all those meds but was still walking funny, so I called the vet. They called in more pain meds, to use as he needs, as well as glucosmine. Well, this morning I was sleeping nicely when I heard my dog jump off the bed and start throwing up. I thought, great…now I have to clean that up. So I get up and he’s whining at the end of my bed which isn’t normal. So I turn on the light and saw bright red blood. I started screaming. I must have scared him because he tried to take off running when my mom came rushing in. It was the first time every my mom scrubbed a floor! But I was scared.

I had to be an hour away for plans so I was impressed my mother agreed to take him to the vet. I called, got him an emergency appointment. 2 hours later, tests all done, they had no idea what cause the bleeding, but it had stopped. They put him on a special diet again, more meds, and to be monitored. They also found his knee out of place, which is why he was walking funny, and put that back for him. I’m sorry worried and because stupid ass people are fucking flakes I can’t even be home with him right now! I’m fucking old people sitting, that doesn’t need sitting! In a house with people I hate and too many fucking rules! I just want my dog!!!!! And I want him better!!!!!!

Not So Happy Birthday!

Well my birthday sucked! Thank you mom! Yet another “holiday” you have ruined…appreciate that. It never fails, any occasion you love to ruin, and you seem to have this desire to ruin every single one.

Well lets see, started out slow, boring, nothing special. My mom wanted to take me to lunch, I agreed though knew better. She told the family and waitress what a lowlife I am. She told them I’m a loser and need to grow up. If I won’t pay her rent then I need to move out an pay more to someone else.

Fuck her!! I tried to move out and she threw a fit, called me names, and told everyone what a horrible person I am. Now I’m a lowlife and loser because I’m living there not paying rent. Fuck her!! I just started my 7th job, where my brother has never had one. I got accepted with a scholarship into my bachelor program where my brother failed out of college. Fuck you mom!! You’re a fucking bitch!!

I spent the day before crying with a migraine, woke up that day with one, and today I woke up with another. Actually, the migraine was so bad this morning it actually woke me from my sleep! If you’ve never had that, you will never understand how horrible it is. To be woken up with a pounding pain in your head…it’s just horrible. I couldn’t find any way to go back to sleep.

Today was the worst day to wake up with a migraine too, I had my midterm for Critical Care class. Somehow managed to pass it with an 83% but I’m hurting!! I’m ready for class to end so I can go home and go to bed!! Someone shoot me now! 😥

Still Living

I’m alive! Super busy! But alive! This class is keeping me BUSY! Very very busy, just trying to keep up! But I’m taking a break to give everyone a little bit of an update. So here it is…

First, I got that new job. I start soon and I can’t wait! Paperwork done, just have to schedule my “third person shifts” to go though orientation, then I’ll be on my own. I worked the other job I like today, we were busy all morning! Here’s a tip…having a busy day? Just fly a few out, you won’t have a single call, no one on the department will, for 6 hours after! I guess that’s a good thing for the patients…we were bored though. I got it will quiet after a few helicopter rides. I had a city trip too and we get to stop for food, which I love about those trips. While we were eating a father and his daughter were at a table near us. They asked where we were located out of and I chatted with them for a bit. We went to pay and found out the guy bought our food! I wish I could have thanked him! It’s incredible what some people will do! And it shows you that you need to treat EVERY patient good because you never know who you’ll come across! My first boss made sure I knew what customer service meant and if you couldn’t do it properly, they were more than happy to show you out the door. My co-workers don’t understand that these people we transport are our paycheck! They don’t know how bad dirty rigs look to our company. They just don’t know.

This week I meet with an adviser to sign up for classes for a Bachelor degree. I have more than enough credits for a Bachelor, but so many are required to be from a 4 year school so I have to pick a major AND a minor, maybe two minors, because I won’t have enough credit hours with just the one. I don’t know what I’m going to pick yet. I was thinking about a minor in photography, but I’m not sure what to do my major in. I don’t know yet…guess I need to keep thinking about that. I need my Bachelor in something I can fall back on in case of injury in the field. Time to think…

I also have my first meeting with a counselor…this should be interesting. She seemed real nice and comfortable on the phone so we shall see. I’m a bit nervous, but I know I need it. Still have no money or shifts to pay for it, but I guess I have to find a way. I’m already on the Ramen noodle every meal diet…not sure I can go much lower than that…I guess I’ll find a way. It’s been all Ramen noodles and soup for several weeks now but I refuse to ask for money or even tell anyone there is a problem. I’m on my own in this. I haven’t told my man either. I think he suspects, because he has taken me out to dinner a few times. I’m so used to having no food that when we go out to eat I’ll order some side dish and that’s all I’ll eat, my stomach literally can’t handle anything. He probably knows but I’m not telling him, besides he doesn’t have the money to help me, his kids nickle and dime him to death. He really needs to cut them off and stop paying for shit! Hell, they are all over 20, they need to suck it up and stop visiting hospitals just because “they want something wrong with them” as many have put it. They just love attention and pain meds..they both have drug addictions and he’s pretty much fueling that fire! I told him to quit paying but whatever, his choice. Those are some spoiled ass kids and I think he’s finally seeing that. Anyway, thanks to them, the fucking government, and a loss of his part time job he couldn’t help me if he wanted to. All Ramen noodles and off brand soup for me…yum.

Other than that I’ve been just trying to survive. I can only afford to drive to work, so I never leave my house. It’s making life a living fucking hell with my mother! Then she keeps racking up shit I need to pay for too. Rent, dog car, supplies that she uses NOT me, crap she doesn’t need…the bitch is killing me more! I don’t have the money for this shit! Every time she makes me pay for something it cuts back in the food or gas money I don’t have already. I think I would be slightly better off and have real food if it weren’t for her shit. I guess it’s time for sleep for me, another long day, this time holding down fucking hell! I just want to cry, I hate going there, someone shoot me now!

My Week, Summarized

Well, this week has been good and bad so far. Starting from the beginning…

My mom has been on me about paying more rent. First, I couldn’t pay even if I wanted to! I can’t even buy myself food and gas money, let alone pay rent and other bills! Her reason for this is, “I know many 18 year olds paying rent.” Yea, me too and they either dropped out of school because they didn’t feel like going or they moved out! Fucking get over it bitch! She doesn’t care that I’m not working, she never cares, “grow up and deal with it” is how she “handles” shit. So I sent her a text that said my shit will be gone by the weekend, boy that did go over well!

She fucking FLIPPED out! “I’m not the bitch you make me out to be!” No mom, you make yourself out to be one just fucking fine! “I hope when you have kids they stab you in the heart like this!” Wrong again, I won’t treat my kids like the dirt you walk in! She just acts like she’s so fucking wonderful and the best fucking mom around! She’s a two faced fucking whore! Yes! I called my mother that and don’t you even judge me! You don’t know the hell I have been through!

Basically, I’m not moving out yet because she needs someone here to care for her damn dog! Oh and my “ass can fucking clean the house a little more!” Yea…so glad she can’t fucking pay attention in her drunkenness! Ugh! I clean EVERY FUCKING DAY! Sure glad she can pay attention! I’m always cleaning up after her and her drunk ass friends! It’s like living with a bitch of a roommate that can’t fucking pick up after herself! And I’m not even lying when I say this…she has gone out drinking EVERY NIGHT for the past THREE WEEKS! So, no I will NOT be paying rent to YOU to support YOUR habit! I’m moving the fuck out!

I tested for one job this past weekend, I will know more about that one this Friday or Saturday. I’m doubting I’ll get it given the competitiveness of the test, the process, and my lack of the full training that several there had, but we shall see. Next, yesterday I test and interviewed for another job. It’s quit a drive, pay is low, but it’s work…and guess what…I GOT IT! : ) I’m pretty excited! Rarely do people that aren’t well known down there get a job! Actually, they go off the “word of mouth” theory, people who live there get hired there, I’m their first “outsider”! How fucking awesome! I really like the people there too so this is freaking sweet!

My man came down with the “man cold” two days ago! And I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about! He’s dying, planning his funeral and all! Haha He doesn’t even have a fever, but damn it’s deadly! I love that man though! I wanted to go care for him, but he told me not to come over, that I can’t afford getting sick with this class. He never gets sick and I feel bad for him but he refuses me to come over so I left some soup for him at the door on my way through and that’s been it. Just a lot of FaceTime visits for now. Maybe tomorrow he will be well enough because I need someone to help me study!!

Other than that, just studying my ass off! Big test for class on Friday, just wanted to share my news. Have a great week! And I promise I read you blogs, despite me not responding much right now. Keep writing.

Search and Rescue

This may not have been the “week from hell” but thanks to my mother it was pretty damn close! What a bitch!! And before you question me, I have spent years of abuse and if you ask any of her friends, they will tell you what they told, my parents should not be allowed to have me. But that is a story you can’t find if you read back, sharing it now only makes me angry.

This week I tested for a job, one that I am not likely to get, being a girl and not have a $5000 piece of paper that says u attended “their” training, though my training is the same because it all resulted in state certification. It’s hard to explain but a total pain in the ass. Over 150 people tested!! Yes, a lot!!! An only the top 30 move to the next of a 4 step process. I doubt I did we’ll enough, but well see in a few weeks.

After all that, I joined my man on a road trip. I was in a bad mood, which was entirely my mothers fault, again! I apologized and he took me to a few caches along the way. That helped, until we got to our destination. Then the people hiding the caches had me worked up more. One of them cheated to get their cache published.

It was our first stop, a cache that has yet to be found. The coordinates put you in the middle of a field, literally!! So after an hour search of the nearest trees, we got nothing. E-mailed the cacher owner only to get a message back later that read: “I know the coordinates are off, I had to do that to get it published because it fell too close to another cache.” WFT?! Seriously??? It’s an entire HUGE open section with PLENTY of areas to hide and you have to cheat???? Fuck you!

So we moved on to other caches there, all hidden by the same person, after two caches I said, “fuck this” and quit! I think you should be required so many finds before you can hide a cache. And you need to be slightly smarter than a fucking monkey! This person clearly had very little knowledge of caching! The first of their cache put me in the middle of a field between 3 sections of trees, all about 50 feet away! Ugh! After several searches, I found it on pure luck. Off to the next. Same damn thing! GPS put me in a damn field!!! Read the hint…the item that matches the hint is a good 75 feet or more away! Are you freaking kidding???? I posted a note that said, “This is the second of your caches I have tried today. I am not logging this as a DNF because I didn’t truly look, but I suggest you update your coordinate because ALL of them are off!”

I know, the GPS takes you to the general location then you search from there, but fuck! This wasn’t even getting me in a general location!!!! I’m not dealing with that every time. You’re coordinates need to be somewhat close! Damn!

So he took me home after that, held me tight for a while to calm me down from my mother. He also fed me, it was my first full meal in 2 days, and my stomach did not take to it well! I was SO sick! It was horrible!!

I spent today complete alone like a loser. I was not invited to any parties, my man had to work, and I was suppose to be studying. I’m getting really nervous for my next critical care test, which is this week! : ( I’m scared! Flipping out! I’m panicking!! I feel like I know nothing!! But right now I’m preparing for another test too! 3 in one week is just stupid!!!!

This week I test for another job. Yes, not including the last test, this is a whole different department. The pay sucks, the drive is far, but the people are nice and it beats hell job! So I’m trying! I won’t jinx myself, but the Assistant Chief seems to like me and I’m helping her study for this next test, let’s hope it is enough! I need something! Anything!!!

My aunt and uncle invited me on a cruise this summer. Problem is I need a buddy to go along, to make it cheaper, and I have none. My cousin suggested I take my man, but we know the family won’t like that. I have no friends, and none that are responsible with money to be able to afford it. Hell, I can’t afford it now anymore either! I’m bummed, it was going to be my escape, a time to relax, and instead I’m stuck here…in hell. Never an escape.

Sometimes the internet is a great search tool, other times not so much. This time not so much. I want to find search teams that work you a couple months out of the year, I would love to do this!! All the teams around me are volunteer only, which is great but I already volunteer and it takes money. Money I don’t have. You have to buy your own equipment, tools, uniform, lodging, gas, vehicle…everything you have to pay for. Can’t do that. So I would like to know, do you know of any? I think it would be a great experience! So let me know. I would love to do this!!

Warning: Crabby!

This is your warning, I’m fucking grumpy and you’re about to read all about it!!

So last night, as you can see from my post, I didn’t sleep too well. I was up till almost 3am and then when 6am hit my eyes were wide open. No, I had nothing to be up for, I just woke up…my body does that. I’m so used to being up between 3am and 5am that when 6am hits, I just wake up. Sleeping in…I don’t know what that is.

Needless to say this has left me a little cranky, but I manage to make it through the day without killing my mother. I had training all evening and got a text telling me to pick her up ice cream. Number 1, I didn’t drive so I didn’t take my wallet and have zero money…she knows this. Number 2, there are FIVE different containers of ice cream in the freezer, eat it! Number 3, quit treating me like your bitch!! You want fucking special ice cream?! Get your lazy ass up that hasn’t moved from the couch in 3 days and fucking get it yourself!!

I came home to a fucking mess and had to clean up, once again, from her and her stupid drunk ass friends!! I’m sick of it! She can’t take care of her fucking self!

So I come home to her fucking ass ONE THE COUCH on the phone. When she is on the phone the whole NEIGHBORHOOD can hear!! And tonight it was pissing me the fuck off! I need sleep!!!! And you’re so fucking loud I’ll be getting none! And her stupid ear piercing laugh is fucking annoying!!

So I’m grumpy! And pissed off! And I need fucking sleep!!!

Bitch Strikes Again

I’m pissed! How’s that for a start?!

I’m suppose to take my first test tomorrow for this nightmare class and once again my fucking mother has to fuck my life up!! I’m sick of this shit!! She fucking knows I have a test! She has been going on lately about how I need to pay rent, which I’m not paying right now. Let’s discuss why this pisses me off.

Número Uno – The bitch goes out drinking EVERY night! Yes! Every fucking night! Then bitches about how she “has no money” and I should be paying her rent money. I don’t fucking think so! I’m not supporting your drunk ass fucking habit! Don’t have any money? Quit fucking drinking!!! Duh!

Number Two – Her fucking comment tonight of, “it’s the least you can do since you don’t do anything else around her” is getting her no where! I don’t do anything else?!?! I work 5 fucking jobs AND go to school! Are you fucking serious?! I’m NEVER here! And when I am I’m stuck cleaning up after her and her drunk ass friends!! I get no sleep before work because they are up yelling and partying! I clean up after myself AND her! But I “don’t do anything”…bitch needs to learn some appreciation!!

Number Three – She’s a dirty, sneaky, lying ass bitch! Right after the divorce she was seeing someone, I don’t give a fuck if she saw him before. What pisses me the fuck off is I overheard the conversation then she told everyone to shut up right to my face so I wouldn’t know! Fucking hoe! You told the WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY about the divorce 6 MONTHS before you told your own children! Now it’s top fucking secret too that you are dating?!?

Number Four – Even if I wanted to pay rent, I can’t! I wasn’t expecting Chief Bitch to give me zero hours yet again! I can’t afford gas, food, or the shit I need for school. Your fucking rent check can wait!

Number Five – You don’t even know my fucking age you fucking drunk! Thanks for making me 2 years older than I am…I appreciate that. But if you’re excuse to make me pay rent is my age…well the least you can fucking do is get my age right! You don’t even know me! You don’t know a fucking thing about me!

I’d rather live on the streets than pay your bitch ass self a fucking dime! So fuck you! You’re getting ZERO money from me! And go ahead, try to take it out of my savings account, it won’t get you far! You see bitch, after I realize you stole $7,000 or more from me during my childhood, all that birthday money and paychecks never made it there, I emptied what was left and opened my own account! So fuck you!