It’s just not for me…

So it’s been a while that I’ve been trying counseling again. After several very bad experiences it took a lot to go back, but I did. I like my counselor, found her out of pure luck basically, but I just don’t know if it’s for me in general. I’m doing better overall, I have my days. I have some good friends that have been helping me when they can. I still miss my friend a lot, more than I care to admit, and I’m angry about it but that’s life, I just have to deal with it. I’m trying to stay focused on school and remind myself that as much as I “need” him in my life, I don’t need him. I can do this. He abandoned me, though the reason may be valid, he still abandoned me and it’s a simple fact. I don’t need him and I will be much better off without him around. I can do this. I really can….I hope…

I know after years of the abuse I have suffered I do need the counseling, I need my brain rewired and that won’t be easy. Not after hearing what a worthless piece if shit I am my whole life. So I will stick to trying counseling a little longer, we will see what happened. Right now I have worked myself to complete exhaustion which seems to help me in general. I do better when my brain is too tired to work. I need to keep this up. Keep it busy on anything to avoid thinking about things I shouldn’t be. I will get better, I think. I am trying. I’m still here, just living one day at a time.

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