Well this week has been…uh, interesting. So after MANY years of avoiding counseling I finally grew up and tried it again. Let’s just say past experience has been bad, very bad. I had one literally tell me everything in my life was my fault. Yes it is, I know that, but would a good counselor tell a person that? It didn’t seem right to me so I stopped going. Then the second one basically told me the same thing without using those exact words. I stopped going to that one too, Why pay to have someone tell me everything is all my fault when I already knew that? What help is that? Aren’t counselors suppose to help?
After a lot of research I found a counselor that seemed to fit, she had experience with people like me and wasn’t far away….or so I thought. Turns out she moved, far away. I was nervous but she suggested this video counseling. Meaning despite not being in the same state, she would still be able to work with me. Hmmm….well, I don’t have to drive anywhere for an appointment…? Sign me up! She seemed very nice over the phone, answered all my questions and asked some of her own. She suggested an appointment in 3 days….uh…do I sound that bad? But ok, I will give it a try. I’m scared, anxious, and nervous but taking the first step I know I’ve needed for a very long time.
So how did the first appointment go? Well, it went surprisingly well. She was super nice, listened, asked questions, wasn’t judgmental at all. All the things I believe a counselor should be. I felt comfortable, which doesn’t happen often. In fact, the only other person I felt comfortable talking to was my friend that left me. Now the best news about this counseling? Since I haven’t changed to the crap Obamacare plan and pay out the ass for my insurance, I found out it covers these appointment 100%. I pay absolutely nothing out of pocket. And to think, I almost dropped that coverage. 4 appointments in a month is the same as my monthly payment for insurance so I guess I will keep it for now.
Anyway, the appointment went well and she wants to continue to work with me until I need someone locally to help me. She’s also helping me in other ways by gathering some information for me. Information that will help me in life and I am grateful for that. It was the same information my “friend” was helping me with, but he’s gone now. Overall I’m angry at him for leaving, which in some ways is good, it means I hurt less. But I have my moments that I hurt, like today. I feel sad but then I feel angry and get past it. I hate him for abandoning me but I am grateful for my other friends that have been here for me. It’s funny…the two things my “friend” was pushing me to do, telling me I needed to do for myself are exactly what I am doing now that he is gone. I am doing this for me.