Why

Why have I been absent from here? Why haven’t I written? Where have I been?

I’ve been here. Still living life, fucked over by ObamaCare, or CrapCare as we call it. Just when things are finally starting to go good for me, the government comes along and fucks me over. The cut in hours and increase in insurance and medical cost is screwing me royally. Then my dog had major surgery and is now on a special diet. I starve myself to make sure he gets his food and medicine because he’s the only one that loves me. He’s all I have. I refuse to see him suffer.

Before you liberal supporters start in, let me explain something. What the fuck did you think was going to happen to part time hours?!? You can’t just create full time spots! ESPECIALLY in a business run off tax dollars when people won’t vote to pay higher taxes. You can’t just demand my job offers that when they can barely get by as it is. At least they were paying me overtime! At least I had that going for me and thanks to your dumbass ideas, I lost it! lost all my over time and now have to pay 4 times MORE a month for insurance because you decided we need to cover everyone. This doesn’t fix anything! It creates a bigger problem and I’m left to suffer! Just when things were getting better. I work almost daily and the few days I do have off I spend trying to find more work. Another job, odd jobs, fixing stuff for people, building crap…anything to get by.

I am literally living off bread and butter, Ramon noodles, and soup. Why? Because I can’t afford to eat. I can’t afford to buy food, I get whatever is on sale and eat two “meals”, if that what you call it, a day. My doctor is on me about my weight being too low, several over my coworkers have noticed, but I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone it’s because I can’t afford to eat. And I don’t qualify for any assistance because I’ve been a responsible person. I don’t have kids, I live alone, it’s just me and the dog. But it’s ok, continuing life like this will probably kill me sooner, which is good. Less suffering. The sooner it’s all over the better.

So why haven’t I written? Because I can’t get the shit out of my head, I can’t get my thoughts straight and I can’t afford the medicine to help me. I’m stuck and there’s nothing I can do. That’s just life. I deal with it. I’m worthless like my mother always told me. I’m replaceable. 

Truth Is

Nobody cares but you. You are the only person that will always be there for you. You have to care because no one else will. That’s reality. You fight these battles alone and the demons are all your own. No one will fight with you so they certainly aren’t going to fight for you.

  
I am replaceable.

I am easily forgotten.

If you don’t need me, I don’t exist.

I will always be there for you. I will always be there for everyone that needs me. That is my only purpose in life, that’s the only reason I’m still here.

I will always be here for you because I know what it’s like to have no one. I have no one.