I’m Giving Up

When I first got into this field I volunteered 6 months on the ambulance waiting for them to hire me. I have fought for every job I have to prove myself. Every day I work my ass off, cleaning, working, doing everyone else’s work. I volunteer to help all the time, do extra hours, volunteer time, stay around to help, but does it matter? Does it mean anything?

No. It never does and it never will.

I see people all the time get hired, never having to volunteer. People say what excellent employees they are, but I see them sitting around all the time. Zero experience and just walk into a job. They get full time while I’m busting my ass to stay on the part time list.

It pisses me off! More than I can ever explain! More than it probably should. I can’t explain the hurt inside me, the feeling of being forgotten. I can’t stop the pain and I can’t explain why it’s so strong. Tonight I can’t handle it anymore. I’m done! I give up! I quit! I’ll never be good enough, ever. It’s as simple as that.

5 responses to “I’m Giving Up

  1. Just don’t quit EMSing…. As much as you hate the crap you put up with (and I don’t blame you), you’d hate more not helping the people you help – I’m talking about the patients here…. You love what you do, I know you do – despite crap from bosses & other workers.

    • You are right…I love the helping people, I love doing PR Events, I love serving others…but it’s starting to kill me. I’m busting my butt non-stop, barely making it, and getting what? Crapped on and going no where in life…it’s hard. I don’t do this job for the money or the glory, I do it because I love it, but how long do I let it keep doing this to me?

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