What’s the point in answering this one when my other posts are just vanishing for no damn reason?! I am not in a good mood tonight so don’t look for good answers here.
Where will I be in 5 years? Either alone or dead, I don’t know which is worse. I’ll be working my ass off, kissing yours, for no pay, unable to afford even food thanks to our shitty government and the scumbags they are! That’s where I’ll be! They are literally killing me, but maybe that’s their damn plan! 60%…yes! SIXTY% of my income now goes to health insurance! Fuck you assholes! Can’t afford my new prices now, I can’t wait till it goes up again and I’m forced into a “better” doesn’t cover shit plan! I can’t decide which is the better deal…paying the fine or buying the shit coverage! Both of which are literally killing me! I haven’t slept in months, I work almost every single day (literally). I can’t afford food, at least not anything filling or enough or good for me, I’ve lost 15lbs…if you know me, I don’t have that to lose!
Fuck these stupid fucking holidays too! I don’t blame these people we are hauling around for wanting to kill themselves! If their family is anything like mine, life is better off 6 feet under!
Tonight, while I have just a few short hours off I’m at home, ALONE, crying for no fucking reason! While my stupid ass “family” is enjoying Christmas at my mother’s boyfriends with his family. Was I invited? No. But my gifts are on the table “so open them since you’re working the next three days”…that’s a lot bitch! Glad you give a fuck about your child! Fuck your “gifts”! They’re going in the fucking trash! Fuck you all! And fuck these holidays!
Day 14 is missing and I haven’t a clue what happened to it! This is getting frustrating! It’s ruining my challenge! Right now I don’t even feel like retyping anything for it, so fuck it. That’s the mood this fucking holiday has me in!
What is inside my fridge? Good question, I had to look when I finally got home. My fridge is practically empty…literally. The following items can be found inside…
Butter, bread, an egg, jelly, chocolate milk, cheese, shredded cheese, blueberries, salad dressing, an apple, some onions, a potato, and some blackberries. Literally that is all…I should probably take a picture as proof. I really need to go shopping! Between no money and no time off it’s hard…slim pickens…
My favorite childhood book…
Well, I’m extremely dyslexic, have ADHD…let’s just say reading was not something I did! Ever. Mainly because I couldn’t…not that anyone noticed.
It wasn’t until I was in college that I started being able to understand enough words in the young adult books that I could actually “read” a book. Yea, I know…what a loser, reading that crap! But that’s what level I was at, which I find weird sometimes. In 3rd grade they tested me and found the dyslexia, which my parents said was my fault, no one else’s and I was not dyslexic, I was just lazy. In the 4th grade, at yet another school (we moved too much!) they tested me and said I was reading at a high school level. Seriously…who creates that crap! A person can get lucky! I did!
So during my childhood I never had a favorite book, but my favorite “childhood book” would probably be Harry Potter. Go figure, right? That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it? Well let me explain. It was the first book I read, beginning to end. It was also the first series I completed. And her ability to write just captures a person, I was hooked and I was learning to read, or at least attempting it.
10 favorite foods! Oh this is a good one!! I love food! Though you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at me. I will narrow this down the best I can and none of them are in order, just randomly listed so I won’t number them.
Chili (both white bean and red)
Snow crab legs
S’mores!!! : )
Toast with peanut butter and bananas on top
So apparently my phone hates me and this didn’t post yesterday. This is failing my challenge.
Best trip of my life…
There are many “best trips of my life” for many different reasons but I’d have to say going to Hawaii was the best. It was an outstanding place to visit and I got to do SO much! My travel buddies…not so good…that didn’t make for the best plane ride but out there I avoided them. It was just such a great place and all the stuff I did was amazing! I so miss it! And I hope one day I can afford to go back.
What’s in my bag/wallet…? Good question!
I have a purse but hardly ever use it, mainly because I can’t carry it with me at work so I use my pockets. When I’m off work, I hate messing with it. But when I do carry it, I have my wallet, a cell phone charger, ear buds, finger nail clippers, my knife, and most importantly…my migraine medicine. From time to time, my gun is in there too, but that’s only if I have to take it off my body for some reason, which is rare.
Day 8 wants to know my 5 current goals…hmm…this shouldn’t be too bad.
1. Have a family. My own family, a good one, not like the one I grew up in. I’m determined to make sure my children have a great life but well disciplined. I just want them happy.
2. To own my own home. I currently stay with my mom, mostly because she’s never home and it’s like I have no own home, but partly because thanks to our government and this UNaffordable health care act…I can’t afford anything! I can barely afford to eat and it’s only getting worse. I don’t do anything but work and stay home, I can’t afford to do anything.
3. To get a full time job. Regardless if it’s in my field of another, one would be nice. I have one offered, but the pay isn’t enough to make that drive every other day. It really sucks because I would LOVE working there full time, but that’s life.
4. Finish my Bachelor Degree. I would be working on it right now but I can’t afford that. I’m not approved for student loans and my scholarships aren’t enough. Oh well, that’s life. Maybe one day.
5. To be happy. I think I have to break away from my family completely but I want to be truly happy. I smile a lot and look happy on the outside, I want the inside to match that.
I just realized day 6 never posted yesterday…wtf?! Well I published it now and on to day 7…
My five favorite songs…well this isn’t easy!
I love ALL music! I don’t know honestly that I can pick favorites, there are just too many to pick from!!! But I will do my best…I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, this won’t be easy.
1. Canon in D by Trans-Siberian Orchestra – I love this song! I like their version a lot but I like all versions of it and I really can’t explain why. I like some “classical” music, I learned to love it growing up with my grandpa. Not to mention I was in band from elementary into college.
2. Basically any classic rock from the 80’s…I’m cheating here and making it a catch all! Music in the 80’s was music! Not like a lot of what’s out now. You just can’t beat it and I can’t name just one so take your pick…it’s probably one of my 9,000+ songs I have on my computer!
3. Home by Three Days Grace – This song, like another that makes this list, was one I listed to growing up. I had so many problems with my parents, the words just described life.
4. Lullaby by Nickelback – The words in this song got me from the first time I heard them, I’m not a huge Nickelback fan, but these words speak to me given my past.
5. Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift – I’m not really a Taylor Swift fan either, but something about this song grabs me. I just can’t explain it.
What am I afraid of…
Fear is a strange thing. It can keep us honest, keep us from doing stupid stuff, or some people just throw it right out there window. Everyone fears something, some more than others. I’ve never been afraid of haunted houses or of the dark. I’ve never been afraid of pain or life ending. But there is one thing I fear, I’m not sure if it’s the only thing but it’s the one I think about most.
I’m afraid of dying alone. I see it all the time, it’s so sad. These people in nursing homes with no one, no children, their spouse has passed or they never had one, no family left…it’s heartbreaking. I fear that. I fear being alone, especially when my time to leave this earth comes.