Know Your Limit…and Stop

As you know, I recently had that little “surgery” to get that tooth out. It felt SO much better to have out! I’m not happy about what happened, but the problem is “fixed” now…just have to save money and hope I can get an implant now. More money…more bills…just what I don’t need! Oh well I guess…that’s just my life. You would think I would be used to this by now…guess not. The removal went well, doctor said it came out easily and wouldn’t be too hard to recover from, which it wasn’t. It was painful, and sore, but overall it wasn’t horrible. I took the pain meds the first 2 days but after that I used only ibuprofen.

Anyone that works with medicine, you know that high doses of ibuprofen does not mix well with high heat. I had my weekly training for the fire department, no big deal…except for the fact that I forgot I had taken a high dose of ibuprofen…uh oh. Ibuprofen, heat, humidity, and full gear…not a good combination! My body already has a hard time regulating it’s temperature, I can’t fight off the cold or heat since my horrible fever when I was younger. I had a temperature of 106.7…and yes, I am alive today. It was horrible! And I’ve had problems since. It caused a problem at training.

I remember being given a command and saying ok, but never got up. The BC asked if I was ok, I remember telling them yea but just felt so out of it. Then him and someone else picked me up by my coat and drug me over to get my gear off. Stripped off my gear, got cold towels on me, cold fluids slowly and laid me down. They took care of me great and arranged me a ride home and everything. They did great for me! I came home and slept…for hours! Almost didn’t get up the next morning for work. It felt good to finally have some sleep though. I have not been sleeping well at all.

My man decided that he wants me to find someone I can spend my life with, grow old together, have a family…you know…a “normal” relationship. His plan to help me find someone…? Abandoning me. I haven’t see or heard from him much at all. He just took off, has camping, floating, and all these plans with everyone…nothing with me. We had plans for the summer but he changed it all…no longer am I going on vacation because he cancelled that for me. I’m just alone now. Lost and told to go find someone my age. That’s it…that’s his plan. Leaving me…it will fix everything, right?

I’m not happy. I’m hurting. I’m alone. I’m stuck. I’m abandoned. Everyone else has the summer plans made, trips and everything…I now have nothing. The ONLY camping trip we had planned, he cancelled and made plans to go with some new camping group he joined. You have no idea how much that hurts. And how did I fix this hurt? I made sure he knew it! I told him how much it hurt! I told him what he did! I told him how I felt! I let him have it!

What has that done? Nothing. Not a single thing. He has tried to make a few plans…a trip to my favorite swimming location, a small float down a nearby river…but no trips to my favorite river. None of my friends have money to make the trips and go camping with me. They only have money for one trip and have it planned so I’m just here. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t know what to do! I hurt and nothing stops it! i just hurt so bad.

Changes…

Why must WordPress keep changing??? Every time I finally log into the computer instead of using my phone, it looks different! This is really messing with me! Hell, the drugs aren’t helping, then they change this crap on me…I’m SO confused! I need more adderall to help me focus on this crap! Ah…I need sleep!

Pissed Off!

I’m pissed off right now! And sick so pardon my language!

I laid in bed all day yesterday, zero strength to get up. I don’t think the antibiotics are working because I’m so sick to my stomach, throwing up, and going back and forth between hot and cold sweats! It started yesterday and hasn’t stopped. I’m not in much pain but I’m so sick and weak I can’t even get myself up out of bed!

I thought I could count on my man to help me…apparently not! He said he had to work, fine no problem. What was he really doing? We worked for about 20 minutes then went hiking! Are you fucking kidding me?? My mom naturally never came home, can’t get ahold of my brother. I have no food to eat because I wasn’t expecting the surgery. I can’t get myself to the story, at least not safely. I literally have only nibbled on some bread and had my last two yogurts today. That is ALL I’ve had since Monday night!!

I’m pissed off beyond belief!! If he’s fucking sick I’m right there caring for him and getting everything he needs, even when I’m stuck working!! Me? I have fucking surgery and he takes off on a fucking hike!!! Don’t even CALL to check up on me!!! Fuck this! I’m done with him and every one else in this stupid fucking life!

Emergency Surgery

I know I have some e-mails from a few of you and I’m very sorry I haven’t answered. I will get to that today, I promise. If this doesn’t make much sense, I’m sorry, I’m loving these drugs! I woke up sweating, vomiting, and just felt like death, it was horrible. Tried getting ready for work and had to call off. Felt a knot on my jaw and knew something was horribly wrong.

I have my parents horrible teeth! I HATE it!! I had my teeth cleaned and check two weeks ago and they said everything was “fine”…apparently not. My dentist said he thinks “there’s an abscess but he’s not concerned.” WTF?!?! Called in an antibiotic and told me see an oral surgeon within the week. That in itself has been a nightmare.

The closest places either didn’t accept my insurance or didn’t have any appointments for 4-6 weeks!!! Are you kidding me???? Apparently those stupid receptionists have no idea what an EMERGENCY is!! I was NOT looking forward to this after the nightmare of my wisdom teeth. Finally found a guy that was a little over an hour away and man am I glad I saw him!!

Found out the assholes at Anthem STILL had my insurance fucked up! Which is why this tooth wasn’t care for properly the first time when I broke it. Went to my appointment and was told it’s denied because I have a 12-month waiting period on insurance I have had since 2010!! Are you fucking kidding me!! I cried! Right there in the office! Just broke down! I was in pain, scared, and couldn’t afford this shit! They agreed to do the work and if the insurance didn’t get fixed I would be billed later. Thank you God!

The doctor was AMAZING!! Offered to fix the tooth properly but I have had so many problems that I just wanted it out. He pulled it for me. He’s going to work with me on getting an implant put in. I also have TMJ from my car accident, which he was asking about, he is going to fix that too! Said if someone had made me a simple splint 10 years ago, then I wouldn’t have any of the problems I’ve had these days. I sure hope he can fix it, that might help my migraines. I sure hope so!

So now I’m recovering and not doing too bad other than being tired. Recovering on my own because no one has time for me. Oh well, that’s my fault. So if you sent me an e-mail, I will be replying soon. Just so tired, but I promise soon. I’m sorry.