Bad day in fucking hell!! I’m so angry I can’t even think straight! I’m just pissed! But for now, drugs and sleep. I need sleep so bad. Mother Nature hates me, my head hates me, my mind hates me, my fucking co-worker dickheads really hate me! I need sleep. And my mans arms. I need his arms bad tonight!
Well the vet bill showed up…from the emergency visit over the weekend…I just went from really broke to dead broke!! I would do it for my puppy all over again but this sucks!
I can’t remember the last time I ate real food. It just feels horrible knowing I can’t eat. I’ve had bread and butter almost daily, I’ve been eating Ramen noodles for weeks, as well as spaghetti-o’s. I haven’t had solid foods in so long that I’m not sure my stomach will be able to handle it. I’ve lost too much weight too. I was finally up to 128lbs (which my doctor said was still too low for me), now I’m down to 104lbs. I look too skinny, I don’t like it.
I need clothes so bad, uniform clothes and daily clothes but that won’t happen any time soon. I’ve lost too much weight to keep my pants up. My duty boots have a hole so every time it rains I’m walking around with a wet foot. My tennis shoes are 4 years old, I have zero traction because the soles are so worn out they are starting to fall apart, my jeans all have holes. My shirts are just literally falling apart.
I can’t even buy myself basic needs. It’s not my dogs fault he got sick, it’s no ones fault, but he deserves treatment so his needs are above mine, I will not let him suffer! He’s the only one that is always happy to see me every time I come home.
Despite adding another job, none of them pay well. And thanks to our stupid fucking worthless government, I can’t work enough hours at one job, or any job in general. And I have to start paying for health insurance out of my pocket, or pay the fine…must be nice to have their damn salary AND vacation 3/4 of the year! Fuck you government! Thanks to you dicks, my hours are cut, my jobs can’t pay me, and I have to spend more money. I was down to two meals a day, now I’ll be down to one. But it’s ok, I’m used to going hungry.
It’s been a bad couple weeks and it just go worse today. Sorry I haven’t been around blogging much. My puppy has been sick and I’m just heart broken! That’s my boy!! My baby! : (
Two weeks ago I took him to the vet after he hadn’t been acting like himself for a few days. Normally he is very independent, but when he gets sick he hogs your lap and wants to be with someone all the time. He was extra clingy, then I noticed his body was much warmer than normal so I took him in. After some tests he showed positive for a viral infection, which doesn’t produce a fever normally. So they put him on antiviral for that, an antibiotic in case he had something else causing the fever, and also a pain medicine because he has a knee problem where it pops out of place and he can’t walk.
A week later he was done with all those meds but was still walking funny, so I called the vet. They called in more pain meds, to use as he needs, as well as glucosmine. Well, this morning I was sleeping nicely when I heard my dog jump off the bed and start throwing up. I thought, great…now I have to clean that up. So I get up and he’s whining at the end of my bed which isn’t normal. So I turn on the light and saw bright red blood. I started screaming. I must have scared him because he tried to take off running when my mom came rushing in. It was the first time every my mom scrubbed a floor! But I was scared.
I had to be an hour away for plans so I was impressed my mother agreed to take him to the vet. I called, got him an emergency appointment. 2 hours later, tests all done, they had no idea what cause the bleeding, but it had stopped. They put him on a special diet again, more meds, and to be monitored. They also found his knee out of place, which is why he was walking funny, and put that back for him. I’m sorry worried and because stupid ass people are fucking flakes I can’t even be home with him right now! I’m fucking old people sitting, that doesn’t need sitting! In a house with people I hate and too many fucking rules! I just want my dog!!!!! And I want him better!!!!!!
Well my birthday sucked! Thank you mom! Yet another “holiday” you have ruined…appreciate that. It never fails, any occasion you love to ruin, and you seem to have this desire to ruin every single one.
Well lets see, started out slow, boring, nothing special. My mom wanted to take me to lunch, I agreed though knew better. She told the family and waitress what a lowlife I am. She told them I’m a loser and need to grow up. If I won’t pay her rent then I need to move out an pay more to someone else.
Fuck her!! I tried to move out and she threw a fit, called me names, and told everyone what a horrible person I am. Now I’m a lowlife and loser because I’m living there not paying rent. Fuck her!! I just started my 7th job, where my brother has never had one. I got accepted with a scholarship into my bachelor program where my brother failed out of college. Fuck you mom!! You’re a fucking bitch!!
I spent the day before crying with a migraine, woke up that day with one, and today I woke up with another. Actually, the migraine was so bad this morning it actually woke me from my sleep! If you’ve never had that, you will never understand how horrible it is. To be woken up with a pounding pain in your head…it’s just horrible. I couldn’t find any way to go back to sleep.
Today was the worst day to wake up with a migraine too, I had my midterm for Critical Care class. Somehow managed to pass it with an 83% but I’m hurting!! I’m ready for class to end so I can go home and go to bed!! Someone shoot me now! 😥
Another year wiser, right? I don’t know, but I guess this week I get to find out.