Job Interview

I will kick myself in the ass if I fucked this up for myself! I’m suck a fucking idiot! Due to my horrible car accident my long term memory is shot, I actually have full sections of my life I can’t remember. I got asked at the end of the interview if I had tickets, even ones that are fixed. I said no, I was wrong. I don’t remember honestly but my mom swears I have two. FUCK!!! I will just die if I fucked this up!! I have to call Monday and try to explain, just fucking wonderful. I’m SO stressed! I literally didn’t sleep last night. I’m exhausted and praying for fucking Monday to show up! Just great! UGH! I don’t know if I should show up or call…I don’t know if I should just say fuck, I already fucked myself and give it up. I hate me right now!

One of Our Own

If you have been watching the news, and especially if you are in fire/EMS, then you know what I am talking about here but please do not post the location or department name for my own protection.

Every day, some more than others, I pray I will never be involved in an accident at work. I get e-mails all the time, we attend training classes, and try to prevent the worse. It happens, it happens all over, but I never thought it would happen to me. You never think it will happen to you, that’s how it works. I also pray I will never have to run one of these calls, I pray I never had to find one of my own like I did this week.

A call came in for an MVC with injuries, nothing new. The supervisor decided to respond in case help was needed and I was sent with him, if it was bad I was to board the truck and ride in with them. Ok, no big deal. We walked out to the SUV and started responding. We missed some important information during our walk to the vehicle. We start responding. Shortly after our Chief called responding, weird he wasn’t responding before.

Someone gets on the radio asking for a helicopter eta, my Chief radios they probably fly due to weather. Someone updates with “one person, possible ejection” and nothing more. The radio was pretty quiet most the trip up, at least EMS side was, apparently fire was not. I found it weird all the response, but just continued on.

We were getting close to the location, I got the paperwork ready to jot down our notes and was looking down as we pulled on scene. I will never forget the words my partner said the moment we drove over the hill. “Dear God, it is one of our own.” My heart dropped. I looked up and saw it. A red blur, upside down, people everywhere.

I hoped I would never have to see this in my career and here I am, facing it without any warning. I found out our Chief responded because in the time that it took us to get to our vehicle, EMS was updated on the vehicle involved…an update we missed. I have never been so happy in my life to see someone talking, busted up, but fully alert and talking. Took what felt like forever to get him out, he got himself out. Due to weather there was no helicopter flying, so one hour and 18 minutes later we arrived, by ground, to the closest trauma center. A ride that felt like it would never end, a ride I will never forget.

He is alive, but badly broken all over. I hope to get to the hospital soon and check on him, usually I get there often but apparently not today. I hope I never have to see this again in my career!

Skipping a Holiday

March 31st is Easter and I’m skipping it! I put into work and didn’t get scheduled at a single job of mine, FML! I was really hoping to work, it makes life easier, but as far as my family is concerned I’m working. I’m getting up in the morning, getting ready, dressed in work clothes and leaving to meet my man. We are spending the day geocaching!! : ) I can’t think of a better way to spend the holiday. I get to finally spend some time with my man, away from reality, enjoying ourselves as a normal couple. Maybe we can make geocaching a holiday tradition for us because this isn’t the first one I lied and skipped out on. Can you blame me? You would to if you were stuck with my family!

As for my day…well if you are watching the weather I about going to be snowed in soon. The only problem with this is I’m about to get snowed into hell job! It doesn’t matter how much it snows, I WILL be leaving tonight when my shift is over! I REFUSE to get stuck here! These people are fucking idiots! The city has been talking about shutting the department down, so what do these fuckers do? They decide to start a website and post addresses and HOME phone numbers for city officials! It’s really funny though, when I first read it I couldn’t help but laugh. They should probably have found someone that was literate and knew some basic English…fucking idiots! You just guaranteed we will get shut down…thanks. I’m glad though, the sooner they shut it down the sooner I’m done dealing with you assholes and won’t have to pay back any of my money for schooling. I appreciate it! Really, I do!

As for life, it’s going good. Been taking care of my puppy, he’s been so drugged, but he’s doing wonderful! Which makes me feel a million times better! He’s back to his happy, playful self! I started another blog, for my dog, and to work on my writing skills, if you want to read it just e-mail me and I’ll share.

Now off to work on my photography to try to keep me out of trouble while I’m stuck in hell job. I don’t need to get written up again because a bunch of assholes get their lie together and fuck me over.

Praying for You

I’m sure you’ve heard this song before, but it happened to come on the radio as I was flipping through on the drive home today. I couldn’t help but laugh. Enjoy. I’ll be off praying for a few people… : )

I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were going great til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job, you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah, I’m gonna take the high road and do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up, and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire goes out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far
In your house or in your car
Wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I pray for you

Finally! Finally! FINALLY!!!!

Back when I started my EMS career, I had a department that was my goal to be on. I did everything to make it there, that’s what I wanted, that’s where I wanted to be. I haven’t posted much about this, but I did the written test for them a while back, then waited on a letter. After a wait that felt like FOREVER, I got a letter inviting me to the practical skills test.

I was SO nervous! But had a nice packet, cover letter, resume, reference letters, and handed it right to the Chief. They were impressed, where everyone else just brought the application and nothing more. My first test was ACLS…well FUCK! lol The patient lived, so I thought that was a good sign. Then moved on with the rest, the EKG test had me nervous because I wasn’t sure how much they wanted us to give, so I gave it all. I listed any MI, Axis deviation, you name it…I had it. I left there feeling ok, but not great because I was just nervous in general. I tried to laugh, look confident, and smile the entire time.

Today, while at the hospital with a patient, I ran into one of the guys that tested me. He recognized me, tracked me down, and said, “Hey, did you get your letter?” I wasn’t getting off till tonight, so I had no idea if it had come in the mail yet. I told him no, he said, “Oh well they mailed them yesterday so it sure be there today.” I told him I would be sure to look for it and to have a great shift. Then I started thinking…he said “did you get your letter”, not “how’d you do?” or anything like that…am I thinking too much into this? I tried to push it out of my mind.

A few hours later I got a text from my mom telling me a letter had come in the mail from the place I tested. I said ok and left it at that. I didn’t want her to open it because if I didn’t move on I know hearing it come from her would make it that much worse. It felt like the day took FOREVER after that! I mean FOREVER! Each time I looked at the clock I swear it had the same time on it! Finally, shift ended, rushed home to find my letter. I didn’t know what to do first…I felt it, it felt thick. Can I really open it? Geez…what if it’s a no…I’ll be so disappointed in myself. Finally I sat down with it, my puppy came to join me. I opened it up and…

I INTERVIEW NEXT WEEK!!!! This is JUST what I need!! : )

Living in Hell

I’m stuck in hell job today, which means plenty of time locked up in a room to think and write. I woke up this morning with a major allergy attached, I was so swollen, itchy, red…it was just horrible so I took a benadryl. My body doesn’t work the same as most people, it takes 2 or 3 benadryl to make me sleepy normally. I was already exhauster and I guess fighting this stuff off make me that much more tired because I slept the entire first half of my shift. I was out cold! Around lunch time my partner woke me up to get food, which was good because my ass needed to get up anyway. The crews ate, I watched. Came back and cooked my Ramen noodles, yum. Just finished the last bite when my truck got a call. Came back from that and boy did the rumors start flying around here.

A few months back several of these idiots decided they would follow Captain Dumbass, remember him? Put his hands on me?? Well they decided to follow his uneducated idea and sign Union cards to fight for more money. Hey stupids…they entire country is broke, this state is broke more than any other, and you want to bring in a Union just so you can ask for more money?! I tried telling them the Union is going to ruin what they have. They don’t have to do chores, we don’t have to stay at the station, we don’t get overtime, but a few people have only this job and they get to work all the hours they want making bank. Did anyone listen? Nope.

And guess what…now they are bitching about the Union, for all the reasons I told them. They are complaining because they can no longer work more than 24 hours in a week, there went all their money. They are mad because Union dues are being taking out of their checks, I told them that would happen. They are pissed they are now required to do chores and stay at the station. And did we get a raise…nope! I told them! I warned them! I told them EXACTLY what would happen but they didn’t want to listen or believe me. Now they are freaking out because they have no money. Unlike them…I got myself 2 other jobs and tested yesterday for a 3rd one. I’m getting the fuck out of here! Now I just hope hours pick up at the others so I can get money back. I am so behind on bills thanks to the bitch here…I gotta catch up!

As for you Mr. President…you are a fucking idiot!! I have to buy health insurance out of pocket or risk fines. Thanks to your stupid fucking “Obamacare” shit…my health insurance now costs me $285 a FUCKING MONTH! Before you fucked shit up I was paying $170. Then saying if you work more than 30 hours a week, your company must offer insurance…well guess what, everyone just got their hours cut! I think your fucking pay needs cut! STOP GIVING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES WHEN WE NEED IT! Illegal immigrants have more rights and get more money than I do! Fuck that! I’m leaving this country, becoming a citizen of another, then hopping the boarder back here so I can get free food, schooling, health care, and a cellphone. That is the fucking problem with this country, idiots like you brainless fucks at the capital! You’re so fucking stupid you ran this country into a fucking hole! Thank you for that.

Tears, Just Tears

What kind of day am I having? I’m having this one right here…

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This is an “ambulance drivers” alternative to ice cream. Ice cream doesn’t hold too well if you’re stuck in the truck on a long run, so Scooby Snacks and icing it is!

I’m angry today. And scared. And sad. I woke up this morning to my dog not putting any weight on his good leg. His bad leg wouldn’t support his weight either so he’d just fall over. He wouldn’t go outside or eat or anything. He just sat there looking at me until I picked him up and moved him to where I needed him go to. He’d try walking again, it wouldn’t work, then the same thing. I felt horrible for him!

Naturally my mom was gone all night to drink it up. I called, three times, nothing. I finally had to leave for work. I wanted to stay with him but I had no choice. Finally, several hours later she calls and said she’ll go home in a few and check on him. Around noon I get a text saying he won’t walk. No shit…I watched him stumble all morning while your ass was drunk and who the fuck knows where! Around 1pm she sends me another text that says she’s going out because she has another party to be at and my dog isn’t any better. Glad to see your drinking is more important. Thanks!

So now I’m going to have to make an appointment tomorrow to take him back to the vet. He can’t continue to stumble around like that, it breaks my heart. I don’t have the money for this, I can’t even by myself food right now. I’ve been living off scraps, bread and butter. Whatever is on sale, I make it work. But now he needs another vet visit and who knows that this is going to cost. I have to find a way though, I can’t make him suffer. I can’t do this to him.

He’s all I have when I go home.I can’t keep seeing him suffer. I need him better. I need him.