Giving Up

I can’t do this anymore!

I can’t take it anymore!

I have tried and tried to change shit, it never works!

I have begged, pleaded, prayed, reasoned and it NEVER works!

Nothing ever changes!

Nothing is ever easy!

Why can’t people just leave me the fuck alone?

I can’t do this shit anymore!

I don’t want to be here!

I don’t want this life, I don’t want to take another breath!

I’m tired of the tears, I’m tired of crying, and I’m just tired.

No one can ever fix this.

No one cares to try.

I made a promise I don’t want to keep.

This is my giving up…again.


11 responses to “Giving Up

  1. I saw this one on Saturday, then on Monday I was almost in an accident and it gave me a jolt of awareness.Don’t give up! There’s a reason you’re here. Be patient.

  2. The differences you make in the people’s lives you save… In the little things you do for people in your care. The understanding you have for their suffering cause you have suffered much your self. The pride you show in your work – in the little things that others show no care to….. It’s the little things that add up to BIG!! and a BIG HEART!!

    I know it’s not much of a consolation, but I once (okay more than once) heard it said that it is through are own suffering that we obtain the ability to understand (albeit minutely) the suffering of others).

    Don’t know if that even helps at all.

      • I know it doesn’t – {{{HUGS}}} Just keep helping people as you’ve been doing. Concentrate on providing the best care & understanding you can to your patients

        I remember back when I was doing my ride-alongs the warm & fuzzy feeling of simply holding the hand of the “little old lady” with stomach pains with fear in her eyes – looking alone & scared. I remember how I felt when she would squeeze my hand back. Knowing that I was able to provide that small piece of comfort. I know time in the “business” takes that away, but still….

        You struggle every day with life, and though you may not realize it, way down deep you understand the value of life. It is that understanding that helps give you the ability to help others & provide the best care you can.

        Sorry for rambling. Not sure if anything I said made any sense or not.

      • 🙂 {{{HUGS}}}

        Depression runs in my family. Both my mom & her mom had it… Mom committed suicide at 29 (I was 5 yrs old at time)…. Turns out she may have been BiPolar (at that time they didn’t know even as much as they do now & she was w/o meds for it).

        Have a FB page dedicated to her (she was also artist & author)… Nothing there recently = should remedy that.

  3. Hey girl! I’m so sorry your feeling like this.. its never fun and at this point that light at the end of the tunnel isn’t there.. and again i’m sorry! I know this may not make a difference, but i agree with the above post.. YOU help so many people, and unfortunately us asking for help isn’t always the easiest.. and again a BIG heart… the job in EMS is NOT for everyone, certain stomachs, hearts, minds belong and all though things suck YOU BELONG there and alive. I wish i could not try and explain through writing how i wish i could help. it doesn’t speak the emotion at all compared to voice. I have read enough blogs by you to know that life isn’t and hasn’t come easy for you, BUT that in its self is SOO much better! Having to work your ass off makes everything worth it. YOU have had a rough life so far, but i think giving up isn’t the answer and all though i DON’T know you personally, i couldn’t imagine you giving up on those kids you love dearly. Imagine how horrible their life would be not seeing you again, and all though we don’t always hear it or care our parents, friends, family love us, and all though you have had issues there, they love you! The hell job, get out! they stress you out WAY to much! take some time off DO NOTHING, read a few books lay in bed all day, sleep, RELAX! I think a break is WELL deserved for you! If you have my email still.. lets talk there.. it will be easier and id feel better saying more.. I AM HERE FOR YOU! i don’t know you and i’m not creepy, i genuinely care when people are this unhappy, (part the medic in me, plus i lost my brother in law to suicide, and my dad to a heart attack) DON’T GIVE UP!! You have suffered so much as of NOW just think how much stronger it truly has made you! You could have given up A LONG time ago, but something(s) are holding you back from actually going through with it.. what are they…. idea, make a list of everything that you LOVE to do, see w.e and LOVE about life, personal, work, school, family friends.. (each gets it own line) then list the things that make you so mad! (boys, parents, siblings, work, school, etc) lets see how the good out weighs that good!! I am here if ya need to chat!

    Please, think again, and don’t break a promise!

    Last, remember that no matter what, tomorrow is a NEW day, and the things that are not worth living with can be changed, and no matter what.. LOVE who you are.. I believe your a good person, and in the end screw all the bad shit and just know that your better off without all of that drama in your life.. let the bad out and the good in! You’d be surprised how much more you can enjoy life when you finally say FUCK IT! ditch those who talk shit, or give you attitude, rude or crude comments, forget the drama at home.. you don’t live there.. talk to whoever but don’t go over there.. not worth it.. get those kids over more and more they make you happy, and photography! get all the good in and seriously just up and DROP KICK the bad shit OUT of YOUR LIFE! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

  4. You made me a promise, and I am holding you to it! These comments above all sound so familiar. Maybe you should talk with Medic 12 just to get some more perspective. I know it is not easy for you, but we really do care and are here for you. Don’t you dare break that promise!!

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