Cold and Alone

It’s cold here. Snow in the forecast. I used to love the snow! Now I love so little.

I was sitting in this hell hole, studying, avoiding people, and thinking. I thought about why I can’t do it, why I can’t end it all. My conclusion? I care. I care too damn much!! That and I made a promise.

Why do I care so much? Why do I let assholes effect me? Is this something I am going to have to deal with forever? Is it from the abuse? Or am I just that weak of a person? Why can’t I just say “fuck you” and walk away??

I’m hurting still. And hate doing this to my man. He says he just wants me happy, I just want to be happy, people keep robbing that. I just want to laugh like I always do. I just want the sunshine people. Why must people work so hard to keep taking that?!? And it’s always the same assholes! Every fucking time!! And when they have run out of reasons or things to do…they get someone else involved.

I hope they all fucking suffer in their stupid miserable lives!! My life is tough enough! They can stop fucking with what I have left already!

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