Warning: Do Not Speak Of It

Warning: Do Not Read.

My mind is all over tonight, from one thought to another, which never turns to good things. I should apologize now…I’m sorry. My mind is not in a good place right now.

Why is it so easy for me? So easy to think about the easy way out? The unspeakable? It’s so easy for me to turn to that option, to plan it out, to wonder how but never to do. Something always holds me back, something keeps me here, and that something is starting to piss me off.

This job is killing me and maybe if it does that’ll mean help in the future for other people that end up in the position I am in. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t work here but can’t survive without the income. I can’t end my life either. Now I’m just hoping I will get lucky and someone or something will do it for me!

I was doing so good, but once again everything had to come along and fuck it all up for me. Every single time. I guess I’m meant to suffer. I’m suppose to hurt. I’m suppose to be punished. And I’m not luck enough to get the easy way out.

9 responses to “Warning: Do Not Speak Of It

    • Today wasn’t too much better until I picked my boys up from school and a fire came in that I was just down the road from. They wanted to see me in action so they got to go with me. It was a fun little break.

  1. I think you are searching. Searching for that one thing that makes us happy. Our lives seem kind of like they lack purpose until we find that one thing… I promise you that thing is there… we just have to find it. Your happy is there. I think we find it when we stop focusing so hard on unhappy. I care about you. You have seen me through a lot of unhappy times, I am here to return the favor. Hugs.

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