Better, But Not Great

I was told to keep wriing so that is what I am going to do, write until I can’t write anymore. Thanks for reading my blog and commenting, it really helped! : ) I’m doing better, I feel less alone but I still have my moments.

I’m just really struggling right now because I see my man less and less, life is keeping us busy. I’m back to work full force, including hell. I’m not looking forward to the (now ex) captains return, in fact I’m downright dreading it! I am sick with worry over it and I don’t know what to do. Should I tell the police chief? No, I think for now I should keep quiet until something actually happens, then I will talk to him.

Working with the (now ex) lieutenant has been…interesting. Everyone knows that he lost his title, but they are not SUPPOSE to know why, though I’m sure he told everyone it was because of me. I just hate this, dealing with it all, it makes things worse. I come into work here and just spend my time working my ass off by myself or locked up in my room alone. It just makes this “lonely” feeling stronger. I’m just doing the best I can to make it through each day, one at a time.

Life with this divorce is getting more difficult by the day thanks to my wonderful “father.” I really don’t see him as family anymore, I don’t see him as any body. I will continue to ignore him until he starts treating me better and with more respect. Things with him have always been bad and I don’t see them getting much better any time soon. He’s a bitter asshole! He’s been a bitter asshole his whole life because he was “adopted and his parents didn’t want him.” The man refuses to find out why his parents chose to give him a better life, instead he just blames them and takes it out mostly on me. He’s a loner and a loser. Sorry, but that’s my opinion about the person the state says is my “father.”

As far as things with my man, they are going good…when I get to see him. He recently picked up a new part time job when he quit his old one, problem is he never officially quit his old one. I mean he quit, but they are still using him until they find a replacement so therefore he isn’t gone from there. It sucks majorly because I now rarely see him. It’s just in passing or a couple hours here and there, we’re not getting much quality time together and I really hope that changes soon. Maybe it’ll help my mood some if things do change.

As far avoiding drama in my life…well it’s trying to walk back in and I refuse to let it. Remember that friend I turned in for welfare fraud? She’s back, sort of. Her fiance is anyway, and he swears she misses me. I refused to respond to his texts. Over a year ago he called me stupid for missing his “childs” birthday…they just wanted a gift. I was busy trying to finish paramedic school and working my ass off, it’s not like I missed it on purpose. They scheduled it on a day I had to do my clinical hours which are usually anywhere from 10-14 hour days and I was exhausted and had to be up at 3am the next morning so I choose to go home and sleep at 9pm instead of going to the party that was an hour away. Shoot me! Seriously, you’re going to get mad about that?? Don’t need you in my life.

Well, after a year and 7 months without contact, I get a text message out of the blue from him. My response? To not respond. I don’t want/need them in my life. Seriously, it’s been wonderful without them. They can’t gossip about my whereabouts to my ex because they don’t know my whereabouts. But they are somehow getting some information about me because they sure had some rumors about me. I went into a business I used to work at to get some items and found out there were rumors about me there and there was only one place that this specific rumor came from…her and my ex. There is no other way that it go there, I’ve tried to come up with anything but there is no possibility.

Some people will never grow up…ever. Whatever, I’m not going back to that. I’m better where I am now, even though I have down days, I don’t have to deal with them. And another reason to keep them out of my life…they have never liked my man and this was back when me and him were just friends, they really won’t like him now. But that doesn’t matter, it’s not their opinion that matters.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

For now, all my focus and energy will be spent on my photography because that keeps me happy.

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