30 Days Past

Tomorrow marks the end of my 30 days off…FML! I return to hell! That’s my new form of reference to that job. I love my job! Hate the coworkers…with good reason! Well tomorrow I return and I’m not feeling too good about it. My first day back is with the Lieutenant that got suspended, but in my defense it was his own fault. I never did anything to cause him to say what he did, and he admits that. He just said it because everyone else around there talks bad about me, but I’ve never done anything to anyone and every single person there will tell you that. They just hate me, not sure why, they just jumped on the bandwagon. Thanks jerks!

The, now ex, Captain doesn’t return until the middle of the month but naturally I just happen to be scheduled with him every single day he is back. Wonderful. I just can’t wait! Let me tell you, I’m so excited…NOT! I am so screwed!! I guess I’ll keep you updated tomorrow on how things go…wish me luck! Good night world.

More of My Pictures

…if you care to see. Again, I will share my page with you if you message me and ask for it as mentioned here. What do you think? Are my pictures getting better? Worse? Let me know. : )

Sorting Out This Life

Once again my mind is racing, I’m warning you now that this post will probably be completely random and all over. Life has just been so full of surprises, complications, and challenges lately. I’m having a hard time still with this divorce. Not the divorce itself, more dealing with the family about the divorce, and more particularly my father. The asshole STILL refuses to sign my car over to me! I’m not a child anymore, he can’t control me no matter how hard he tires. He never could, should have given up years ago!

I found out this week that when he moved out he did in fact steal some of my stuff and took it with him, no doubt to be used as a reason to get me to come over. Well I texted him (I hate calling him, he never shuts up and get whinny) and told him I want my stuff back, to send it with my brother. The text I got back…”You can lose your attitude and come pick it up.” My response? “No, you can send it over. I didn’t steal it from my house so I will not be picking it up.” Wrong answer…I just ignored the rest of his texts, I’m done dealing with him. I refuse to go see the jerk! I’m sick of him and his family. Except for his sister and her kids…I have zero contact with the rest of them. Fuck em! I shouldn’t have to deal with them or feel like this anymore!

I’m still finding it difficult at times about my brother being gone. It’s still weird walking past his room and it being completely empty. He was kind of an asshole like my father, however it was a body here…it just…felt different. I’m used to people everywhere…now it’s just me and the puppies. And maybe my mom…but rarely. I’m not used to a house this empty. It’s weird. I’ve been having such a hard time sleeping too. I’m just…lost. Confused. And hurting on the inside, alone. I’m just ready to start my own family, I want a nice big one, kids everywhere! : ) My man is ready for a family with me…however the 12 kids…well…I’ll convince him! One day.

Trying to Organize My Thoughts

Wow…I’m sorry for anyone that has been waiting for a post…it’s been too long! Man life has been busy! And so much on my mind that I don’t even know where to being. Let’s do this the best I can…

First, I return to hell next week, aka the job I tried to quit! The Police Chief has assured me I’m protected and to just keep doing all the good I do. I hope he can help me, cause I sure need it! I am NOT looking forward to going back. The Captain will return shortly after I do, and his first 4 shifts back he’s stuck with yours truly…yep, just me and him alone..FML! I’m so fucked!! But I guess we’ll see because if he even messed up the smallest amount he’s gone. I will be sure to keep you posted on that as it happens.

Next, my awesome man has supported me in my photography. He goes with me to take pictures and sits by myself waiting patiently while I edit my photos. He loves it and tells me all the time that my photos are wonderful. I will be sharing some here but not as many as on my Facebook page, problem is…if I share that information here, then you know my name and location. So…I’m opening this up…if you want to connect and see more of my picture then e-mail me at our24yearagegap@yahoo.com and I will give you the information. I will share the link to my Facebook page, the link for my personal website, and information for the shop I am selling my pictures out of.

That’s right…I’m now selling my pictures. The shop owner is a friend of mine, she recently opened her own frame shop and allows artists to sell through here. Her and her family love my pictures! Several people I have showed them to do. So want to see more of my pictures? E-mail me and I will allow access as long as you promise not to share my identity and location here. I know, crazy…I’m trusting complete strangers…but I will. I will share it with you.

Next topic…my man…I’ve realized my family will never be ok with it and it’s hard. It’s so hard. I don’t want to lose him no matter what, and my family is shitty to begin with, but they are still my family…it’s just hard. This whole situation is difficult. I just wish our relationship could be “normal”! I mean, it is normal, we’re just like every other couple out there…we just happen to have a little more of an age difference between us.

For now this is the best I can do to share. My mind is just racing all over and I can’t get it all out. I feel so trapped in my mind! I hate this…it happens far too often. But I sure am glad to see a few of my favorite bloggers back and I hope to be back and do a little better of sharing soon.