30 Days Past

Tomorrow marks the end of my 30 days off…FML! I return to hell! That’s my new form of reference to that job. I love my job! Hate the coworkers…with good reason! Well tomorrow I return and I’m not feeling too good about it. My first day back is with the Lieutenant that got suspended, but in my defense it was his own fault. I never did anything to cause him to say what he did, and he admits that. He just said it because everyone else around there talks bad about me, but I’ve never done anything to anyone and every single person there will tell you that. They just hate me, not sure why, they just jumped on the bandwagon. Thanks jerks!

The, now ex, Captain doesn’t return until the middle of the month but naturally I just happen to be scheduled with him every single day he is back. Wonderful. I just can’t wait! Let me tell you, I’m so excited…NOT! I am so screwed!! I guess I’ll keep you updated tomorrow on how things go…wish me luck! Good night world.

More of My Pictures

…if you care to see. Again, I will share my page with you if you message me and ask for it as mentioned here. What do you think? Are my pictures getting better? Worse? Let me know. : )

Sorting Out This Life

Once again my mind is racing, I’m warning you now that this post will probably be completely random and all over. Life has just been so full of surprises, complications, and challenges lately. I’m having a hard time still with this divorce. Not the divorce itself, more dealing with the family about the divorce, and more particularly my father. The asshole STILL refuses to sign my car over to me! I’m not a child anymore, he can’t control me no matter how hard he tires. He never could, should have given up years ago!

I found out this week that when he moved out he did in fact steal some of my stuff and took it with him, no doubt to be used as a reason to get me to come over. Well I texted him (I hate calling him, he never shuts up and get whinny) and told him I want my stuff back, to send it with my brother. The text I got back…”You can lose your attitude and come pick it up.” My response? “No, you can send it over. I didn’t steal it from my house so I will not be picking it up.” Wrong answer…I just ignored the rest of his texts, I’m done dealing with him. I refuse to go see the jerk! I’m sick of him and his family. Except for his sister and her kids…I have zero contact with the rest of them. Fuck em! I shouldn’t have to deal with them or feel like this anymore!

I’m still finding it difficult at times about my brother being gone. It’s still weird walking past his room and it being completely empty. He was kind of an asshole like my father, however it was a body here…it just…felt different. I’m used to people everywhere…now it’s just me and the puppies. And maybe my mom…but rarely. I’m not used to a house this empty. It’s weird. I’ve been having such a hard time sleeping too. I’m just…lost. Confused. And hurting on the inside, alone. I’m just ready to start my own family, I want a nice big one, kids everywhere! : ) My man is ready for a family with me…however the 12 kids…well…I’ll convince him! One day.

Trying to Organize My Thoughts

Wow…I’m sorry for anyone that has been waiting for a post…it’s been too long! Man life has been busy! And so much on my mind that I don’t even know where to being. Let’s do this the best I can…

First, I return to hell next week, aka the job I tried to quit! The Police Chief has assured me I’m protected and to just keep doing all the good I do. I hope he can help me, cause I sure need it! I am NOT looking forward to going back. The Captain will return shortly after I do, and his first 4 shifts back he’s stuck with yours truly…yep, just me and him alone..FML! I’m so fucked!! But I guess we’ll see because if he even messed up the smallest amount he’s gone. I will be sure to keep you posted on that as it happens.

Next, my awesome man has supported me in my photography. He goes with me to take pictures and sits by myself waiting patiently while I edit my photos. He loves it and tells me all the time that my photos are wonderful. I will be sharing some here but not as many as on my Facebook page, problem is…if I share that information here, then you know my name and location. So…I’m opening this up…if you want to connect and see more of my picture then e-mail me at our24yearagegap@yahoo.com and I will give you the information. I will share the link to my Facebook page, the link for my personal website, and information for the shop I am selling my pictures out of.

That’s right…I’m now selling my pictures. The shop owner is a friend of mine, she recently opened her own frame shop and allows artists to sell through here. Her and her family love my pictures! Several people I have showed them to do. So want to see more of my pictures? E-mail me and I will allow access as long as you promise not to share my identity and location here. I know, crazy…I’m trusting complete strangers…but I will. I will share it with you.

Next topic…my man…I’ve realized my family will never be ok with it and it’s hard. It’s so hard. I don’t want to lose him no matter what, and my family is shitty to begin with, but they are still my family…it’s just hard. This whole situation is difficult. I just wish our relationship could be “normal”! I mean, it is normal, we’re just like every other couple out there…we just happen to have a little more of an age difference between us.

For now this is the best I can do to share. My mind is just racing all over and I can’t get it all out. I feel so trapped in my mind! I hate this…it happens far too often. But I sure am glad to see a few of my favorite bloggers back and I hope to be back and do a little better of sharing soon.

Not What I Expected

Well…I have been asked out twice in less than 24 hours! What is it about guys…when I’m single, no one wants me…when I’m taken, they won’t leave me alone. Way wrong timing! For the record, I love my man! I have zero plan to leave him, but I do have to say that the two people that asked me out…well, if I was single, I’d say yes! These two are the only ones to come forward and ask me out, but there are a few more that are apparently “after me” according to my man and some friends. I guess lets start this at the beginning…

About three years ago the ex and I broke up, not a story I want to get into right now. Shortly after we broke up, a friend of mine started asking me out and wouldn’t stop. And by not stopping I mean it’s been almost 3 years and he’s still asking me out! Give it up already! It’s never going to be yes, ever! You’d think he’d give up already, I don’t know why he’s after me so bad. Currently he has another girlfriend so I’m good…for now.

Next guy, he was a good friend back when me and the ex were together. After the ex and I broke up I stayed in touch with this friend. He’s also older than me, this time by 13 years, not so bad as 24. He’s a pure gentlemen. Super nice, treats women like a queen, makes more than enough money to support a family, can take care of himself, country boy, can live off the land…just everything wonderful. He was the first to ask me out. I love hanging out with him, he’s shown me a lot about life, but I’m taken right now. If I wasn’t, I would have said yes.

Less than 24 hours later I was asked out again, this time by a friend from high school. We recently started talking a lot more again, he admits to wanting me in high school and asked me out. I couldn’t believe it…asked out again. He’s super sweet too, treats his women like a queen, county boy, gentlemen…just an all around great guy too. Again…if I was single, I’d have said yes.

Sorry guys…bad timing! Both offered to wait for me…crazy, and want to remain friends. I guess if I ever end up single, not that I want to, I have two wonderful guys that want to be with me. I don’t understand why but apparently there are a few other guys after me. I can tell you that it will NEVER happen!! Especially not with one of them particularly! Never, ever going to happen! He could be the last guy alive…the human race would be over!

Damn This Hearing

And it strikes again! Some days I really hate the fact that I have excellent hearing and can focus on several things at once, especially conservations. A little update on life at the residence before the story begins…

My brother moved out, but just to our dad’s. Since he has  no job and failed out of community college, he can’t go anywhere but from one home to the other. Dad bribed him of course, offered to buy him a new bigger bed and a better tv if he moved in. Of course my brother took it, why wouldn’t he? It also means he gets away from mom who was pushing him for a job, where dad won’t do that. He also won’t be forced into going back to school.

Part of me is glad he’s gone, the other part…not so much. It’s weird, this entire divorce thing is so weird. I’m used to a house full of people, anywhere from 5-7, maybe more…just people everywhere. Now it’s empty, just myself and the dogs and from time to time my mother. I feel lost. I’m used to a full house. And my mother is driving me nuts because her baby boy isn’t here to bug anymore. My chores have doubled and she always wants me home. She’s finally “trying” to be a mother, but it’s a little too late. I’m an adult now, she should have tried before.

Now that her baby boy isn’t around to take to dinner all the time, she’s bugging me. I finally decided to go to dinner with her the other night and that’s when my damn ears ruined that night. I was chatting with a friend that had called while we waited for our food and my mom was talking to her friend and I overheard the conservation. Apparently the only reason she stayed with my dad for so long was because she didn’t want to have to deal with child custody. So she ruined my life more for her own selfish reasons. She made the decision 15 years ago according to her that as soon as my brother turned 18, the divorce was on. Wonderful.

Here’s a little tip…staying together is usually the WORST decision you could have made for your child! I went through hell and back because they “stayed together”! I used to cry myself to sleep at night just begging God to have them divorce. I just wanted to vanish so bad. I hated life more than anything. I think my life would have been way better had they divorced years ago. I just hope I can make a life for my family that I always wanted growing up. I want to push past my childhood and have a happy adulthood. My only dream growing up was to be loved and happy.