New Job, Here I Come

Guess what…I got the job!! Couldn’t tell from the title could you? I’m so excited! This is my big break and I’m determined to work hard and move up at this department, but my first goal is to make it though the probationary period. : )

I left the interview feeling slightly nervous, but after talking the whole interview through with my awesome man I feel much better. Being a boss himself he knows the answers people are looking for. He coached me some before the interview but not too much, he had confidence I could do it on my own. I went through all the questions they asked and how I answered and every single one he told me I had excellent answers to and there was no doubt in his mind that I’d get the job.

I got the called yesterday afternoon shortly after a friend of mine got a call saying she didn’t get the job. But I know why she didn’t get it, she has no experience at all where I have some experience working in the field. I’m so excited!! I find out next week when orientation is, but for now I’m off to catch some crawdad’s and celebrate!

Everyone Has a Secret

Secrets. We all have them. Some more than others, others darker than most. We all love them. I was know as the “Secret Keeper” in high school, something that has stuck with me to this day. People have this need to tell me everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, and then tell me I can’t tell anyone. Not a problem, secrets are always safe with me. In high school I knew everything, it was hard coming up with something to tell me that I hadn’t already heard, but everyone knew I wouldn’t talk. Once a secret went in me, it never came back out. If you ask me not to tell anyone (or even if it’s implied) then I will not tell a soul. Which is probably the reason I was drawn to the book I plan on talking about today.

I love books but I can’t read. Let me clarify. I am dyslexic and therefore reading is a chore for me. I can’t “read” words. You give me a word I have never seen and heard together, then I can’t read it. I can’t sound it out and I can’t comprehend it. This doesn’t mean I’m stupid, in fact the opposite, I was one of the smartest in my class. I have learned to adapt and overcome. I have learned to memorize. If I see a word and someone says it for me then I’ve successfully learned that word. If I’ve heard a word my whole life but never seen it written out…well, I have plenty of examples of how that went and it wasn’t good. So for the record, I can’t “read” but I have learned how to overcome this.

With that said, I’ll say it again…I love books!!! But I feel stupid because I’m still in the “young adult” section. I haven’t expanded my vocabulary enough to hit most of the adult books, I can’t read them. I am a Harry Potter kid, those books are the reason I started reading. I felt so connected to the story and a part of it. JK Rowling sure has a knack for pulling the reader in! After that I started reading everything I could get my hands on! I have an entire bookshelf overflowing with books and I can’t wait to have a house so I can have an office/library full of book! That’s my plan, along with a handful of children to bring into this world. I can’t wait to have kids! But that’s a different story for another time. Today’s story is about secrets, specifically one involving a great President of this nation, Mr. John F Kennedy.

My grandparents still talk about the kind of President he was, a person that everyone liked. I love hearing stories about the past, whether it’s our nations history, stories of the world, or just someone telling about their past, I love to listen. After JFK’s death it became known that he loved his women and he loved to have a lot of them in his life. There are stories, newspaper articles, books, and even some movies on the subject, but there is one book in particular that caught my attention. This book just grabbed me and pulled me in, much like the Harry Potter series. I started this book yesterday afternoon and finished it early this morning. It was so good I couldn’t put it down and fall asleep. If you’re into history, untold stories, secrets, love affairs, or just enjoy reading I think you too will enjoy this book. What is this book you ask…

Once Upon a Secret by Mimi Alford

“In the summer of 1962, nineteen-year-old Mimi Beardsley arrived by train in Washington, D.C., to begin an internship in the White House press office. The Kennedy Administration had reinvigorated the capital and the country—and Mimi was eager to contribute. For a young woman from a privileged but sheltered upbringing, the job was the chance of a lifetime. Although she started as a lowly intern, Mimi made an impression on Kennedy’s inner circle and, after just three days at the White House, she was presented to the President himself.
Almost immediately, the two began an affair that would continue for the next eighteen months.
In an era when women in the workplace were still considered “girls,” Mimi was literally a girl herself—naive, innocent, emotionally unprepared for the thrill that came when the President’s charisma and power were turned on her full-force. She was also unprepared for the feelings of isolation that would follow as she fell into the double life of a college student who was also the secret lover of the most powerful man in the world. Then, after the President’s tragic death in Dallas, she grieved in private, locked her secret away, and tried to start her life anew, only to find that her past would cast a long shadow—and ultimately destroy her relationship with the man she married.
In 2003, a Kennedy biographer mentioned “a tall, slender, beautiful nineteen-year-old college sophomore and White House intern, who worked in the press office” in reference to one of the President’s affairs. The disclosure set off a tabloid frenzy and soon exposed Mimi and the secret that she had kept for forty-one years. Because her past had been revealed in such a shocking, public way, she was forced, for the first time, to examine the choices she’d made. She came to understand that shutting down one part of her life so completely had closed her off from so much more.
No longer defined by silence or shame, Mimi Alford has finally unburdened herself with this searingly honest account of her life and her extremely private moments with a very public man. Once Upon a Secret offers a new and personal depiction of one of our most iconic leaders and a powerful, moving story of a woman coming to terms with her past and moving out of the shadows to reclaim the truth.”

Quoted from Amazon

This book was so well written and interesting to hear. It’s hard to believe that with so many people around this would be possible, but I have no doubt in my mind that it really did happen. Part of what also drew me in was this is an age gap story as well, however it shows that there are bad sides to age gap relationships. In this book Mimi talks about 3 particular instances where President Kennedy used his age and power over her, but she finally stood up to him. It’s also interesting to see a different side of the President, a side that very few people know and talk about. I think you will enjoy this book. It was a quick read for me, someone who can’t read, so you can probably finish it in a few hours. If you do read it please let me know what you think.

“I kept this secret with near-religious discipline for more than forty years, confiding only in a handful of people, including my first husband. I never told my parents, or my children. I assumed it would stay my secret until I died.
It didn’t.” -quoted from Once Upon a Secret, Chapter 1

I Was Her…

I was “the other woman” once. Shocked? Before you start judging, maybe listen to my story first.  I wasn’t the other woman in the sense that he had an affair or anything like that, he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead once while still married but that was it. And for the record…we get along with his ex wife great! She is the secret keeper of our relationship and has encouraged it from the beginning. Weird, huh? I guess to you but to me this is normal.

If you’ve been following me from the beginning then you know that we were amazing friends first, that’s how it always starts. We talked a lot, texted a lot, e-mailed regularly, and then one day started hanging out. He was helping me prepare for my big test and the weather was so nice we’d go sit in a park and study. One day we started talking about life and our problems, family, relationships, friends, work…you name it, we discussed it. During this talked we had decided to walk the park. We spent the whole day walking and talking, I think that’s the day it happened, the day he started to fall.

He was honest with his “wife” from the beginning, we never hid anything from her. Their marriage was already practially over. They were married but lived in separate house (in different states) and hardly saw each other. When she was over it usually consisted of arguements over his kids, her job…they just were way better off friends than they were married and they knew it. I think this is why she encourage us hanging out, it gave him something to do and she didn’t have to be around. She admitted to him once that I can offer things she can’t, that I’m around and make an effort to be in his life and she doesn’t blaim for wanting to be with me.

It wasn’t long after that discussion that they made the divorce final. I felt a little uneasy about it. I loved him but I did not want to be the reason for his divorce, I didn’t want to be “that girl.” Hell, being the girl in a 24 year age gap relationship was enough, I don’t need more reaons for people to be against me. He could sense my uneasyness too, he knew without me saying that I thought I was the reason for the divorce. They both assured me I wasn’t, that this was going to happen sooner or later and it was long overdue. His ex wife was the one that suggested we start dating and has been an awesome friend to me as well.

Did I expect my life to turn out like this? No way!! Not even close! In fact, I had plans to marry someone my age and have a family by now but you never know where life will take you. I’m grateful for each day and would not trade my life for anything! I’m happy with my relationship and proud of the man I’m with. Life has unexpected turns but you have to learn to “roll with the punches” so to speak.


On a side note…my big interview is tomorrow and I couldn’t be more nervous!!!!

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re down in the dumps and can’t really explain why? Today is one of those days. I’m tired, in pain, and just feel shitty but I can’t really explain why I’m so down today. I just feel…alone, lost, confused, and sad. My mind is always moving from one thing to the next, I think about things most people don’t and things I probably shouldn’t think about. I’d probably get locked up if I sat down with someone and explained everything that passes through my mind.

The beauty about a blog, this one in particular, is I can say anything I want and it doesn’t matter. I can let my mind wonder freely and I can openly talk about anything I want and if you don’t like it…well, stop reading. You won’t hurt my feelings. I can talk about the government, racial issues, life, stupid people (aka job security) and there’s no one to argue my opinion. No, my opinion isn’t always right, that’s why it’s an opinion, it’s my choice but if you choose to argue with me…well your comments can be deleted very easily because this is my blog and I can do that.

I just feel so stressed and my mind is going a million times a minute and this is my place to be free and say as I please so I will start to take advantage of that. For starters…I don’t give a damn what color your skin is, if you fucked up then you deserve the punishment! I’m tired of there being Black History Month, money for college just for being black, people using the phrase “it’s because I’m black!”, and all that shit! Get the fuck over it!! You don’t see the Jewish people using that against the world or the Germans…they got over it and to be honest, they were put through way worse! There are a LOT of bad people out there and the color of their skin has nothing to do with it! It’s the way they were raise and the person they CHOOSE to be! Yes, they have a choice!!

Just like all these girls getting pregnant and living off the government…grow up! You wanted the kid, raise it! And don’t do it on my tax dollars!! And I am a VERY STRONG believer that if I have to take a drug test to get a job then your ass sure as hell better have to take a damn drug test to get my money!! I’m tired of these lazy people (black AND white) living off my money and using it for drugs. Especially these people that just keep popping out kids for more money. “If you take the money away then the kids will suffer” seems to be a classic politician line…dude, the kids are already suffering!! You think the parents on using that money on them?! Honestly?!? Talk about being blind!

I’m going to open this up for a little opinions here. Feel free to leave any comment you want, it will not be deleted. I want to see what other peoples take is on this matter.

Cat’s Out of the Bag Now!

So I’ve been keeping in a big secret for a while now and stupid me just remembered…hey, I have a blog my family doesn’t know about! Duh! However, none of that matters anymore because the family was told today. Now I can spill the beans! Sort of…they can’t know that I’ve known for ever! Keeping up here? Ha, I’m just so excited!!! But first, a little back story…

Both sides of my family are very religious!! And Catholic at that! The grandparents refuse to believe that sex before marriage happens…even though it’s been going on since before they were born…it happens! Well, recently my step cousin and his girlfriend had a kid (out of wedlock…OMG!) and surprisingly my grandma was ok with this!! This is on my mom’s side of the family. It’s not technically her grandkid, but she didn’t start telling everyone how wrong that is and God will punish them…she just kind of accepted it! Crazy!! The world really is coming to and end! Ha!

Long story short, my aunt loves being a grandma! Spoils the kid and everything! And it was recently that I got to thinking…there is an age gap relationship in the family already!! Though not as big. My aunt and uncle are 10 years apart. He has two kids from previous marriage and the youngest just had a kid, so she’s a 39 year old grandma. That brought on more thinking…my older man is a grandpa. His oldest had a child, there for when we get married does that mean I’m a grandma?! I don’t think we’ll look at it like that, but society will. I’ll be a very young grandma for sure! lol

On with my story…on my dad’s side his mom is even worse! Extremely religious! Well, let’s just say my cousin is pregnant and after 5 months finally got the courage to tell grandma and the rest of the family!! Father of the child is not in the picture, he refuses to believe it’s his (can’t deny it with the test) and ran off with her best friend and all kinds of bad stuff, none of which they told grandma, just told her she’s pregnant with a girl and shockingly…grandma is excited!! This world works in mysterious ways!!

So now we wait and see how long it takes till the whole family finds out! I’m so excited!! Kind of sad for her and the kid and the situation, but so excited!! It’s a girl too! I told my cousin to name her after me since she wants a unique name! Ha! She like my name but wants to name her Layton which is cute and I like. In August a new member of the family will join us! Mama and baby are healthy and doing good. : ) Congrats little cuz!

To be honest…I totally expected one of the other two cousins to get pregnant first…at 14 they have iPhones and spend every weekend drinking and partying…I wouldn’t be surprised if they were and it’s been taken care of and kept secret. I think that’s bad parenting, but that’s not what this post is about. Well, we shall see how things go in the recent months to come but I know my sister is going to be pissed because her wedding is in October and this steals her thunder…more family feuds to come.

Anthem…Fuck you!

I’m sick and tired on insurance companies and their fucking bullshit! I log into my account today to pay my bill and find out I can’t pay my bill. There has been a stop on my account, according to their website and phone line. Wtf?! I have NEVER been late on a payment, NEVER missed a payment, and NEVER called to cancel my account!!!! I am beyond pissed! But of course can’t handle it today because they are closed! In fact I doubt I’ll be able to handle it all fucking week because when they are busy they just shut down their phones so people can’t call! So I no longer have coverage to get my wisdom teeth taken out with zero explanation or notice! Pissed is an understatement right now! I’m beyond pissed!!!!! This is NOT a Silent Sunday!

It’s official

The chief put in his 30 day notice, which means our organization will officially be shut down. I’d like to thank my ignorant captain and his uneducated mind! He ruined everyone’s career and our lives! This is so not what I need in the middle of this economy. I used to be proud of where I worked and the job I did…not anymore. I need a job. ASAP!

To top off this hellish day, in two weeks time I’m scheduled for emergency surgery to get my wisdom tell removed. I need them out bad but now I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford it. Someone help!!! Today I just feel like crying! I feel like my life has hit a sudden dead end.

I’d like to apologize right now because this blog might be taking a turn for the worse. I will be using this blog to help me keep myself straight and work through this. I do have next week to look forward to, I have a very big interview and I’m praying it all goes well!! I need this!!

Spring is here!

Well, actually it has been here for a while! I don’t know about your area but the weather has been just beautiful around here! Just amazing!! I want to spend as much time outside enjoying it, and even when I’m stuck at work, I spend as much time in the parks as I can. I just love this weather! I’m ready to get our new kayaks out on the water again.

May…oh how you can’t come soon enough, float trip…I am ready for you!