Summer is Coming

longer days and anxiety when mom texts

It’s getting closer! I can feel it!! And I’m so excited! The days are slowly getting longer, the sun is still up when I leave work, it may only be a teeny, tiny bit, but it’s still up and that’s all that matters. I can’t wait for it to be warm, to spend my days outside, to have longer days! I am SO excited! Can you tell? I mentioned before that I hate the cold, but more than that I hate the dark. I would not do well in Alaska, 24 hours of darkness…not for me! I have several friends that stay up all night and sleep all day, also not for me. I’m a morning person, I’m way more productive. I’m sure it also shows in my blogs, I’m sure the one’s I have posted in the morning are better than this one I’m posting right now.

In a post post I talked about my parents getting divorced. Since the divorce the relationship with my mother has gotten slightly better but the other day while sitting at work I realized a few things have not changed and I’m not entirely sure they ever will. Things used to be really difficult for me at home, a lot of yelling, fighting, blaming, etc. Though some of it may have been my fault, not all of it was, in fact most of it was not. It was so bad I’d have anxiety attacks just thinking about going home and actually going home…that was a whole different story. I hated going home, spent a lot of nights actually crying because I had to go home and unless you have actually been in that situation you cannot imagine what I went through.

The other day at work I got a text from my mother and I practically had a panic attack right there, her texts are the worst, or at least they used to be. When I got a text from her it usually meant I was in a lot of trouble, it was never good, and things would ALWAYS end bad! I realized that the feeling when I get a text from her will never change because she texted me asking if I was working all night or coming home, nothing scary about that text, but I was scared when I saw her name pop up on the screen. I can honestly say I am truly terrified of the woman, but this isn’t such a bad thing.

I think too many people are not afraid of their parents enough. Too many kids run free with little to zero control or punishment for their behavior. They need to be held responsible, regardless of their age. Children need to be told what to do, it’s good for them. Despite my horrible childhood, I think I turned out pretty good. I don’t drink, I’m don’t smoke, I don’t go out all day, I’ve never done a single drug, I’m responsible, I pay ALL my bills and on time…I turned out pretty good. I still have fun, but I do it responsible.

I know what you’re thinking, being in a relationship with someone 24 years older than me is a bit of a problem, but it wasn’t like we planned it, it just happened. I didn’t go out searching for an older guy “just for the experience” or because it was the “cool new thing to do.” We fell in love, sometimes it just happens. He became my best friend and over time friendship can develop into more, ours did. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!

Looking back, this is not how I expected my life to go, this is not what I planned. In high school, for one of my classes, we had to make a list of goals. Where did I want to be in 1 year, what did I want to accomplish? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? You know where I had planned to be in 3 years? Which happened to be 2 years after graduation…finishing up my college degree and starting a family. This May will be 7 years since I graduated and where am I? I have two Associate’s degrees, no family. I guess we just can’t have everything we want. I can’t wait to start a family and have a kid, I want children so bad.

My older man and I have planned this. He says he wants to marry me and has planned perfectly just how to ask. He wants to have a family with me and I with him. I am ready for that stage and I know he is the one! I’m not saying I want to have a family with him just because he’s in my life right now, I want to have a family with him because I know in my heart that he is the one! He is more than my best friend, he is going to be the father to my children one day and it’s a day I am ready for. I love him!

For My Future

Today is yet another important day in my goal to my future. I am taking another step closer. I will be sitting down for 7 hours with one of the best guys around to prepare for my written test and I’m a bit nervous. I took my medicine but about 3 hours in I’ll need to take more, I just hope it works good to keep me under control. I’m doing pretty good on this new medicine so far, I just hope it continues to work because I’m tired of switching around. I’m off to prepare.

Saving a Life

Another wonderful day of work, another day of saving a life…or something like that. Today I will be preventing the loss of life during CPR class. Part of being in our field means you better like teaching because you will be doing a lot of it! I help teach EMT class at a local college and enjoy that so my boss decided to make me a CPR instructor too.

Being a CPR instructor can be frustrating at times, especially during my time of teaching EMT class. Per the college, you are now required to have a CPR/AED card before you enter class and I think this was the WORST decision the college could have ever made! Part of getting your EMT licenses requires you to take a physcial skills test, which is a random draw on what skills you have to demenstrate. One of those possible skills that can be drawn is CPR/AED which means you have to be able to properly demonstrate that you can do CPR and use an AED…what a disappointment the students were.

Now, I am a very patient person and LOVE teaching students, but if you already have a CPR/AED card that says you know how to do it, then you BETTER be able to demonstrate how to do it and NOT ONE student could! I have never been so dissapointed before that I can ever remember. Not a single student could use the AED, which tells you EXACTLY what to do when you turn it on! And no one was able to demonstrate CPR either, another major disappointment.

You would think that given our field and fact that you WILL be dispatched to a cardiac arresst at some point then you would actually know this skill! It’s like we say about going to ccourt, “it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.” You will have to do CPR at some point, so you might want to pay attention in the class. After a few days with me, every student was finally able to do CPR and use an AED and that skill was pulled for them to test. I am proud to say that every student passed.

So today I am off to teach CPR to the publc so they can better assist anyone in need. If you want the safest place to live or be in the United States, go to Seattle, Washington. They have AED’s all over and just about the entire city has been trained on CPR at some point. This city was chosen to be the test subject for AED’s making them one of the safest places too live in this country of ours.

I encourage all of you to get out there and learn CPR. Take a class! Stay on top of your skill! You never know when you may need to help save a life and believe me, it’s the best feeling in the world! Will you know what to do?

Dating a Different Generation

If you have ever googled the subject “age gap relationship” or “May-December” you’re sure to find plenty of reading about if it can or cannot work. A few of the posts say that the younger woman in the relationship will not see how bad the future can be for her, while other’s say that the guy is just after a younger woman and the woman is after his money. Age gap relationships are seen as taboo. Let’s get a few things straight here, first I am not and never have been after a guy for money. I don’t have “daddy issues.” And I don’t have an alterative motive for being with my older man. Nor is my older man after me for my “looks” or because I’m younger.

Our relationship wasn’t planned, we didn’t mean to fall in love, it just happened. I still remember the day I met him. It was in July, on one of those unusally cool July days, at the 4th of July pinic. We were sitting around waiting for the fireworks to start and my (now ex) boyfriend pointed out to me the man I was trying to get a job from. He looked very friendly but there was no physical attraction, just a kid looking for her first career job. He hired me shortly after that first meeting and since then we have discussed what each of us thought about that first meeting, his thought not much different than mine.

Through the next couple months we got to know each other a little more. Something about him pulled me in. His eyes looked sad and something told me I could make them happy again. I wanted to make him happy. One day we just started texting and it never stopped. We got to know each other, some where along the line becoming best friends. He helped me, probably more than I helped him. He helped me get free of the abusive ex, who got way worse when I became friends with my older man. I guess as little as the boyfriend paid attention to me, he was still able to see something between us. It was the best move I could have ever done.

Over time our relationship grew to be more, he held me when I cried, cared for me, show new things about life, helped me, he just made my life better. He started giving me hugs and little kisses on my forehead when I’d leave, god I loved those! I’m a sucker for the forehhead kisses! Always have been! Then one day it happened, he FINALLY kissed my lips. It’s a day I will never forget.

It was a warm fall day over a year after we first met, he was out doing yard work and I was studying, at least I was suppose to be studying. Confession, I was watching him more than I was studying. He took a break from all his yard and joined me. He held me close while we talked, something in his eyes, he was asking me if it was ok and I was sure to let him know it was, then he did it. He finally kissed me! It was the softest, sweetest kiss ever. Before that kiss I thought he loved me, but that kiss confirmed it, I knew he loved me.

About a week later I was visiting while he was getting ready for a party, once again I was suppose to be studying and wasn’t. I was sitting on his bed and he came over to talk, I can’t tell you who started it but we started kissing and it didn’t stop. It felt like a life time! Best kisses I’ve ever had which unforunately were cut short because he had to leave for the party.

Things slowly developed over time and it was apparent that my willpower was MUCH stronger than his! It was quit some time for my courage to work up to that finally step. I was nervous, he was older, more experience, and I think he sensed this. He assured me that everything was ok, he made me comfortable, and told me how good I was. He make sure I knew how special I was and that this was more than just “sex”.

We have 24 years difference between us, which is quit the gap. He looks younger than his age, but I look MUCH younger than mine! So much younger that I’ll probably be at least 30 before I’m not carded anymore, a day I am NOT looking forward to! Despite that 24 year difference and everything that says the relationship is “doomed” it is going strong! We have more in common than anyone thinks.

I’m not like the rest of my generation, I am MUCH more mature, I LOVE 80’s rock music, old movies, and get along with people older than me more than people my age. I’m not in to clubbing, or drinking, and have never done a single drug in my life (honest). I’ve never dated anyone more than a year older than me, so this was very new to me.

We kept it quit for a long time, only his ex wife knew. She was actually the one who suggested it, told us we’d be perfect together. She has offered us her house when we need to hide from the world and is always the safe keeper of our secret. Slowly over time more people have been told. Everyone so far has been very supportive of us! My friends love him and thinks he’s so good for me! His family loves me and tells him not to ever let me go. One day soon we hope to tell my family, regardless of what they say, I am not leaving him.

We have plans to get married and start our own family. He has 3 grown kids of his own, but he says he’s very excited to have a family with me. He’s not writing his kids off and they know that, but he says he wants to raise kids with someone that will be there to help raise them as well. He says he “wants to do it right this time” but we will never say that to his kids.

Let’s just say they aren’t your “ideal” children because when he tried to raise them right, his first ex wife (who ran off for a several other men) let them run free. His second ex wife is the one we get along with (they realized they are better off friends than married). A few people have said, “he’s been married twice, you’re bound to divorce.” The first divorce was because she cheated on him, several time, he tried to stay and work it out but he finally left for his sake. She decided he wasn’t “dark enough skin” for her and didn’t have an “acccent” so she didn’t love him. The second wife…well, they determined they are better off friends than being married andshe is the one that suggested we get together in the first place.

We hope to have a family of our own and do not see “divorce” in our future, but one cannot read the future. Some arguement is that I will be a widow at a very young age, to this I also say we cannot read our future. I could marry someone my age and they could die shortly after from some unforeseen disease or accident. I’d rather spend 20 years of happiness with my older man than 50 years with someone my age in a mediocre relationship.

Far too many relationships today result in divorce, something I don’t want. I want to raise a family, together, and even though most of the internet says our relationship is doomed, I know in my heart that it is not. I know he is faithful to me and I am to him. He is my best friend and I am his. Life for us is as perfect as it can be and I am more happy than I have ever been.

Match Made In Heaven

Ok, I know it’s “Silent Sunday” but I came across some stuff online and am completely bored at work so I’m posting more.  So far we have had two people call for us, both not wanting to go to the hospital so we’re back sitting around watching hockey. Yesterday I stole the remote from the boys and we watched Legally Blonde, but today I gave it up. Usually when I’m working I am the only girl on duty, so very rarely do I get to watch tv that I want to but it’s extremely rare for me to watch tv anyway. Since I handed the remote over, we are watching hockey with the rest of America.

While being bored and “googling” everything I can think of, I came across this little post:

Cancer and Pisces Compatibility

Water and Water… your ocean of emotions and feelings will always be warm and inviting, for the both of you. Cancer and Pisces are alike in so many ways; you are guided by intuitions and feelings, you both have a deep well of emotion and understanding for your fellow human beings. Your heart rules your every action. Pisces is subordinate, something you are not used to but will come to take delight in. Pisces loves to be spoiled, doted on and admired, which something you enjoy doing. You are both introverted and would much rather spend your nights indoors, watching a romantic movie and cuddling together on the couch. If you are ever upset about something, be sure that your Pisces partner will find out what it is, often faster than you might. Pisces lives by intuition, much as you do, and you will always be able to avoid arguments with one another. Why would you even want to argue with someone who shares your mind? Of course, Water signs are notorious for their need for isolation at times. So don’t expect to spend every day and night together, but then again who doesn’t appreciate a little alone time every now and again? To be honest, what you two will have a problem with in your relationship will most likely be money. Cancers have a healthy appreciation for money, and are usually good at both acquiring it and making sure it stays put. You will have to contend with your partner wanting to spend money on everything, be it an inspiring painting, a beautiful watercolour picture, anything that is artful and tasteful. So, if you don’t have a tight hold on your purse strings, you will indeed have a house full of beautiful things, but your bank account will also be drained because of it. Pisces will appreciate your jealousy, something that your other partners tended to dislike you for. For a Crab, jealousy simply means you are showing how much love you have for your partner. Pisces can tend towards the insecure and self-conscious side, and so will appreciate your loving nature. Oh my, because you both live in such deep, emotional worlds oriented in feeling and intuition, your sex life will be subtle and unique, sensitive and sentimental. You will always feel your love emanating from your partner during these experiences. Given enough time and patience, this relationship could easily last a life time. Cancer and Pisces will often seem like soul mates, like you are made for each other. If you have found your Pisces, I suggest staying with it!

Except for the “love to stay indoors” part this about sums us up! On cold rainy days we like staying inside and cuddling up to watch movies, usually those of my choice, but we LOVE being outside! If you’ve read any part of my blog before you know we enjoy geocaching, but we also love camping, kayaks, hiking, riding bikes, I LOVE my dirtbike! We never pass up a chance to be outside and when it comes to summer and water, I’m like a fish…I love water! You can’t separate us! When the weather warms up, I’m sure there will be plenty of posts of my dirtbike and the water.

One thing different between myself and my older man is sports. I love my Cardinal’s baseball! Yadi is my man! My man will watch games with me and has eveen taken me to a game but he HATE professional sports because he says they make too much money and complain too much about not getting enough…can’t argue with that. Despite all that, I am a Cardinal’s born and raised baby and that’s not going away! : )

I am so ready for summer to get here! I can’t wait to swim! Ride my dirkbike! Take out my wakeboard! And swim every chance I get! I am so ready for some warm weather! This cold stuff is killing me! I’m ready to move to Hawaii! Best vacation ever! Which I plan to review and post about later. For now, back to work and being bored. Have a safe rest of the weekend!

I will always love you

Is anyone else out there tired of hearing about Whitney Huston? Her funeral is on today so the newss has nothing else to report. The woman had some good songs, I grew up on them, but I really don’t care anymore. She died, everyone is sad, the end. Too many celebraties are dying from overdoses and it’s getting far too much attention. I think troops that die are far more important. Just saying.

I finally found an iPad case I like! Been using this one since last night and it’s great! Minus one little detail…there is no hole on the outside for the camera. I don’t use it often, but it would be kind of nice to be able to use this feature. At least I have the front facing camera, that’s the one needed he most for skyping and facetim.

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Now that I have finally found a case I like, life is good.

Other than that, life has been pretty boring, just a whole bunch of work. Today is Mardi Gras, meaning it’s going to be a busy day at work all through tomorrow about mid morning. Several of the local pubs, which includes every single one in this town (8), is having shuttles to downtown for drinking. Should bring plenty of drunks into town like it did last year. Our cops will be busy and we will be listening just waiting for a call to come in. The crazies will be out tonight, the drunks driving, and none of these mix well. Naps will be taken at some point before 3pm (I hope) to prepare for the evening.

There’s certain holidays you’re aware of when you put in for the days you’re available to work, this holiday is not one of them. I only remember things like Christmas, Easter, Halloween, New Years, Thanksgiving, and my birthday of course! But other than that, I forget and always end up working the be drinking holidays, which is fine by me because I don’t drink. I mean I’ve had drinks from time to time, small glasses of wine and stuff, but I don’t drink on a regular basis and I don’t get drunk. Those of you that do like to party, don’t drink and drive or someone like me will be picking you up off the highway or helping someone that was completely innocent in the matter. It’s not usually the drunk that get hurt, it’s the innocent people they hit. So please don’t drink and drive because you do not want to live your life with the guilt knowing you killed or seriously injured someone.

Stealthy Cache

I find myself once again with my cousins, who I completely love! Since the weather is nice, we will be spending the afternoon outside geocaching! I can’t wait! We have a few trackables, or travel bugs, to move on and some new caches to find. We’ll probably pick one of many local parks and start there. We’ve only hit about 2% of the parks around here, which is equivalent to 37 different parks, crazy I know. We love it, this area is loaded with parks and outdoor areas to cache.

We enjoy the adventurous woods caches rather than the city caches. City caches tend to be extremely small, require a lot of stealth, and a whole lot of patience, something we have, but we county folks enjoy the woods more. We just like nature. Now, don’t get us wrong, city caching can be fun, you can get a lot of caches in a short time and it can be quit a challenge, but out in the woods, the caches tend to be bigger and full of fun stuff, which the kids love. We also really enjoy moving trackables, we like helping them along their goal. We have our own geocaches hidden and trackables moving around. We love meeting new geocachers and have helped a few out along the ways with hints when we were leaving and they were arriving.