When it Rains it Pours

When will this storm end?! More bad news today…a nasty guy that won’t stop hitting on me and asking me out got accepted onto my other job tonight. FML! So now I have a Captain that is screwing me over at one job and when I go to the other I have another jerk to deal with there! This guy is nasty! Down right creepy! And just…ugh! He’s been fired from everywhere he’s worked. He tried getting on at my first job, that didn’t happen…he failed the test AND interview, so I guess he decided to try my other department…just great! There is no escape anymore! Just when I thought things were going good…not so much! He is so bad that I am actually considering quitting! : ( He’s worse than my Captain I have to deal with…I dread ever having to see this guy!

I am convinced I’m being punished for something!

Welcome to My Life

So, it has been one hell of a weekend in my life. Got to spend some time with the man of my life, which was awesome! But the family had to ruin some things again. Spent a lot of my time working, which is normal, seems like I never have a day off, which is about to change soon. After today I have over a week off because my Captain has gone back to screwing with me.

My Captain is a perverted guy that will screw anyone and I’m pretty positive he has slept with every female that has worked here, something I plan to NEVER let happen. One day he was messing around with people and I walked passed him while he was sitting in a chair. I can’t recall what the conservation was about, but it was sexual in nature because that’s just how he is. When I walked passed him he grapped me by the waist, pulled me down on his lap, leaned me forward, slapped my ass and told me I’ve been a bad girl. I know what your thinking, “That’s not that bad.” To me it was, I did not like it at all!

This guy has told me for years what a great MILF I’ll make one day and how good my ass looks. I’ve overheard him making comments to other people that he’d love to f*** me. All of this I didn’t care for either because I’m not going to sleep my way to the top. I brushed it all off and let it go because in this field I’m going to hear a lot of comments, I already have, but when he physically put his hands on me…that was the end of the line.

After a few weeks of holding it in, I finally told the boss, but mostly because he told me to or he’d start asking around and I didn’t want that. See, this captain is not the brightes person, he went from scheduling me 20 or more shifts a month, to just 4 for the entire month, all because I wouldn’t sleep with him and told him not to touch me. At that time I made the choice that I just want a sit down with the Captain and inform him that it is not to happen again, looking back that was the worse decision I ever made! I didn’t want to be the reason for someone being fired.

Ever since the incident and the sit down with the boss, it seems every 3 months or so he starts screwing with me again and based on the next schedule he’s at it again. So every couple of months the boss has to remind this guy that I let him keep his job and he needs to stop messing with me. This time I didn’t go to the boss, he saw I wasn’t scheduled, asked to see what I put in available for the month and is going to my caption on his own because I have 5 shifts for the entire month when I put in for 26 shifts available…bit of a problem there. Especailly when people much lower in senority than me that are not released from probabtion are getting more shifts than me and beating me out for shifts.

I bust my ass around work, washing trucks every day, checking supplies, cleaning the station, etc and it just gets me in trouble and less shifts than the people that sit on their butts all day. I think I earned having more shifts, but instead I get less. It just sucks having to deal with all of this. I wish more than anything that he had never done what he did and put me into this situation, but I am majorly starting to regrete not getting him gone all togther because now I’m stuck dealing with it. I’m trying very had to find a new job, but it’s a slow process around here. I just want a job where my hard work is appreciated.

Currently I am preparing for my NREMT Paramedic exam which is a joke. Their whole testing process and their organization is a joke in general. I know several people that have made it through their testing process and they are shit on the street! And I know several other people that can’t pass the test but would be amazing paramedics. NREMT needs to either be taken away or reevaluated because it’s a joke. The questions on the test will do zero good when working on the trucks, we’re not doctors, we’re paramedics. I don’t care what cells produce what, or any crap like that. I need a basic knowledge of how stuff works, but not the full knowledge, it doesn’t do me any good. It just make me mad their whole stupid process.

While preparing, I have been taking some break time to keep me focused. On Saturday my awesome man took me down to some rivers to scope out float trips and camping sites. We found some awesome places to camp! And I love the rivers here! We have so many to pick from, some crystal clear, others the muddy type, big deep ones to little shallow ones. I can’t wait till its warmer and we can start going on float trips again! I’m so excited! We currently have a 4 day float planned with some friends and I’m so excited for it!

During the Saturday morning though our trip was almost ruined. My car needed some work done and my uncle does it all regularly. I had planned on dropping it off the morning before we left but he told me to wait till he calls. Naturally he called and said he could do it but I was already gone. So I asked my brother, who is unemployed, failed out of college, and has no life to drop it off…I had to pay the little shit $20 to do it! And I’m pissed at my mom for making me.

For 2 years I had to wake up every single day to get the little brat and drive him to school because he didn’t FEEL like taking the bus! I’ve done all kinds of stuff for him, buy him food, take him places…just countless crap! And the ONE time I ask him a favor I gotta pay him?! F*** that! I’m not doing a single thing for any of them anymore…ever! Am I wrong for thinking this?

Other than that, life has been pretty normal, just trying to servive each day. Till next time, thank you for reading my blog!

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

If I told you I was a twin, would you believe me? You should! It’s a random fact that a lot of my friends, who have known me for years, don’t even know about me. I don’t keep a secret and I don’t avoid telling people on purpose, I just forget. Honest. Every one thinks, “You’re a twin? How cool!” In my life there is nothing “cool” about it.

First of all, I am a fraternal twin. This means we come from two separate eggs, it does not mean the twins look different. Here’s a little random knowledge for you, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are fraternal twins…don’t believe me? Look it up! Fraternal twins can look practially identical, though most don’t, and this is the case for my sister and I.

My sister has baby fine, straight dark hair. I have thick, wavy blonde hair. My sister has a little over one foot in height on me and she also weights about 130lbs more than me (and this is not all from the height). Our facial features are nothing alike! And our habbits and hobbies are the complete opposite! She likes dressing up and is the “girly girl” while I prefer my dirtbik, jeans and a t-shirt. We have always been black and white.

Along with not look or acting alike, we also never got/get along. Everyone says she’ss jealous of my body and outgoing personnality. Me? I just can’t stand her because she’s always been a bitch to me! I have scars all over my arms from her digging her nails into my skin. She’s always called me names, punishes me as she pleases, and just puts me down in front of anyone she can (she’s a lot like my motheer). For this we have never and probably will never get along. There are some things I just can’t “forgive and forget.”

Sometimes I think if we had looked more alike we would have gotten along. Or maybe if our parents hadn’t raised us to believe she’s the better child for not being fiirst born…I don’t know, life could have been so much different if our childhood had not been the way it was.

Either way, life has been slightly better not living in the same house as her. People always say, “she’s your sister, you’ll get along better when you grow up and live on your own.” This I really doubt, if you had grown up in my shoes, you’d feel the same way too.

Mama Raise You Right

I’m sad to say one of the blogs I loved reading is not long online. It’s been pulled because something said some bad things about her and her family, so she pulled the blog all together. I enjoyed watching her kid grow and reading what they did during the week. It’s sad to see this go.

I hate when people can’t keep negative comments to theirselves, but I guess not every one was raised like I was. I’m all for correcting someone when they’re wrong, letting them know their behavior is unacceptable, but if someone is minding their own business, then just leave them alone.

I was ask today to be a guest post for a blog, agegapgal. I was completely shocked, I didn’t know anyone liked my writing enough to ask me to write for their blog. I took my time to get something together, which I hope will be ok. It will be posted March 14, so watch for it. And if you haven’t checked out her blog before, be sure you do, it has a lot of informational reading.

Other than that, it has been a very uneventful day of work. All is quiet, which is a good thing for our citizens. Tomorrow it’s off to a new class to teach and it’s always interesting to meet the new classes. It’s usually easy to spot the bad kids from day 1 and it’s pretty easy to tell which kids will make it in this field and which will not, but regardless, they all learn the same from me. I make sure each kid really knows their skills before they go out there and embarrass our school.

We did have a patient earlier this evening, I was impressed how many people moved for ourr lighs and sirens, that never happens! So we got to the patient quickly. When taking thee patient to the hospital we didn’t use the lights and sirens (not needed) and people were tailgating me, cutting me off…all kinds of stuff! In this town that is the dumbest thing you could ever do, I have direct connection to the police through my radio and my computer system. I can’t tell you how many people have gotten tickets because we don’t let you away with that stuff.

Reminder people…my truck has WAY more weight behind it than your little sports car! It takes a lot longer to get going and it takes a lot more to stop it! Tailgating is not going to make the truck move any quicker, I promise. And cutting me off just means it’s going to be a more uncomfortable ride for our patient in the back. If you were in the back you wouldn’t like it. Speaking of which…people always bitch that we didn’t get there fast enough to help them, but no one wants to pull over and yeild to our lights and sirens. Just remember, how would you feel if it was you or your family that need that ambulance, fire truck, or police officer?? Pull over! Let them through because someone is having an emergency and they want that truck just as badly as if you needed it.

Summer is Coming

longer days and anxiety when mom texts

It’s getting closer! I can feel it!! And I’m so excited! The days are slowly getting longer, the sun is still up when I leave work, it may only be a teeny, tiny bit, but it’s still up and that’s all that matters. I can’t wait for it to be warm, to spend my days outside, to have longer days! I am SO excited! Can you tell? I mentioned before that I hate the cold, but more than that I hate the dark. I would not do well in Alaska, 24 hours of darkness…not for me! I have several friends that stay up all night and sleep all day, also not for me. I’m a morning person, I’m way more productive. I’m sure it also shows in my blogs, I’m sure the one’s I have posted in the morning are better than this one I’m posting right now.

In a post post I talked about my parents getting divorced. Since the divorce the relationship with my mother has gotten slightly better but the other day while sitting at work I realized a few things have not changed and I’m not entirely sure they ever will. Things used to be really difficult for me at home, a lot of yelling, fighting, blaming, etc. Though some of it may have been my fault, not all of it was, in fact most of it was not. It was so bad I’d have anxiety attacks just thinking about going home and actually going home…that was a whole different story. I hated going home, spent a lot of nights actually crying because I had to go home and unless you have actually been in that situation you cannot imagine what I went through.

The other day at work I got a text from my mother and I practically had a panic attack right there, her texts are the worst, or at least they used to be. When I got a text from her it usually meant I was in a lot of trouble, it was never good, and things would ALWAYS end bad! I realized that the feeling when I get a text from her will never change because she texted me asking if I was working all night or coming home, nothing scary about that text, but I was scared when I saw her name pop up on the screen. I can honestly say I am truly terrified of the woman, but this isn’t such a bad thing.

I think too many people are not afraid of their parents enough. Too many kids run free with little to zero control or punishment for their behavior. They need to be held responsible, regardless of their age. Children need to be told what to do, it’s good for them. Despite my horrible childhood, I think I turned out pretty good. I don’t drink, I’m don’t smoke, I don’t go out all day, I’ve never done a single drug, I’m responsible, I pay ALL my bills and on time…I turned out pretty good. I still have fun, but I do it responsible.

I know what you’re thinking, being in a relationship with someone 24 years older than me is a bit of a problem, but it wasn’t like we planned it, it just happened. I didn’t go out searching for an older guy “just for the experience” or because it was the “cool new thing to do.” We fell in love, sometimes it just happens. He became my best friend and over time friendship can develop into more, ours did. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!

Looking back, this is not how I expected my life to go, this is not what I planned. In high school, for one of my classes, we had to make a list of goals. Where did I want to be in 1 year, what did I want to accomplish? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? You know where I had planned to be in 3 years? Which happened to be 2 years after graduation…finishing up my college degree and starting a family. This May will be 7 years since I graduated and where am I? I have two Associate’s degrees, no family. I guess we just can’t have everything we want. I can’t wait to start a family and have a kid, I want children so bad.

My older man and I have planned this. He says he wants to marry me and has planned perfectly just how to ask. He wants to have a family with me and I with him. I am ready for that stage and I know he is the one! I’m not saying I want to have a family with him just because he’s in my life right now, I want to have a family with him because I know in my heart that he is the one! He is more than my best friend, he is going to be the father to my children one day and it’s a day I am ready for. I love him!

For My Future

Today is yet another important day in my goal to my future. I am taking another step closer. I will be sitting down for 7 hours with one of the best guys around to prepare for my written test and I’m a bit nervous. I took my medicine but about 3 hours in I’ll need to take more, I just hope it works good to keep me under control. I’m doing pretty good on this new medicine so far, I just hope it continues to work because I’m tired of switching around. I’m off to prepare.

Saving a Life

Another wonderful day of work, another day of saving a life…or something like that. Today I will be preventing the loss of life during CPR class. Part of being in our field means you better like teaching because you will be doing a lot of it! I help teach EMT class at a local college and enjoy that so my boss decided to make me a CPR instructor too.

Being a CPR instructor can be frustrating at times, especially during my time of teaching EMT class. Per the college, you are now required to have a CPR/AED card before you enter class and I think this was the WORST decision the college could have ever made! Part of getting your EMT licenses requires you to take a physcial skills test, which is a random draw on what skills you have to demenstrate. One of those possible skills that can be drawn is CPR/AED which means you have to be able to properly demonstrate that you can do CPR and use an AED…what a disappointment the students were.

Now, I am a very patient person and LOVE teaching students, but if you already have a CPR/AED card that says you know how to do it, then you BETTER be able to demonstrate how to do it and NOT ONE student could! I have never been so dissapointed before that I can ever remember. Not a single student could use the AED, which tells you EXACTLY what to do when you turn it on! And no one was able to demonstrate CPR either, another major disappointment.

You would think that given our field and fact that you WILL be dispatched to a cardiac arresst at some point then you would actually know this skill! It’s like we say about going to ccourt, “it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.” You will have to do CPR at some point, so you might want to pay attention in the class. After a few days with me, every student was finally able to do CPR and use an AED and that skill was pulled for them to test. I am proud to say that every student passed.

So today I am off to teach CPR to the publc so they can better assist anyone in need. If you want the safest place to live or be in the United States, go to Seattle, Washington. They have AED’s all over and just about the entire city has been trained on CPR at some point. This city was chosen to be the test subject for AED’s making them one of the safest places too live in this country of ours.

I encourage all of you to get out there and learn CPR. Take a class! Stay on top of your skill! You never know when you may need to help save a life and believe me, it’s the best feeling in the world! Will you know what to do?