Driving Under the Influence

When I was in high school I was in all kinds of clubs including Stuco (Student Counsel) and SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions). These two clubs pretty much went hand in hand, if you were in Stuco, you were for sure in SADD. Once a year, right before prom we have something called “Wake Up Day.” Many of you may know what that is, lots of schools have it, they just call it something different. Basically the idea is to encourage kids not to drink at all and especially not to drive if you do. It’s geared towards the junior and senior classes but the freshman and sophomores get involved a little too. Random people are chosen and have to wear a shirt that makes them “invisible.” Anyone with the shirt on can not interact with their peers, they can’t speak in class, teachers ignore them, other students are to ignore them. There are assemblies with people talking that have lost their children or been involved in an accident themselves because of a poor choice. A mock vehicle accident involving police, fire, ems and more, and even a funeral home and a hearse offering a full funeral holding to really show the kids what it would be like.

One year I was asked to create a video slide to be played through the whole school the entire week. Our school received a grant for “Channel 1” and we got a tv for every classroom, when Channel 1 was not playing the tvs could be used for other educational purposes, this was an educational purpose. It was 2003 when I created this video and to my knowledge it is still used to this day, played every day during lunch on the week of Wake Up Day. Needless to say, I really wish I had a copy of this since I spent almost 3 weeks creating it, unfortunately I don’t. However, there are several YouTube videos I’d like to share with you to stress the importants of the bad decisions we make behind the wheel. And this doesn’t just go for drunk driving, this includes texting and driving…a new thing that is being stressed because it has taken so many lives.

The first video is courtesy of AT&T as part of their campaign to stop texting and driving. This is made in conjunction with the Missouri State Highway Patrol. This is an amazing video that is sure to bring tears to you like it did to me and many I know.


The next videos is footage from Ryan Dunn‘s accident. It’s very sad what happened to him, but after looking at this car I hope people will make better decisions.




The next few are some other videos I found on YouTube that did an amazing job of showing you what could happen. Please stay safe out there!




The internet is full of videos and images to make you think twice about driving under the influence or while distracted. How would you feel if you took the life of someone else? Statics say the drunk or distracted driver is less likely to die, it’s the one they hit…please don’t be the person that kills a family because you made a poor choice.

Average Life

This has been one awesome weekend. I got my cousins most of the time, they are truly more like my own children. I got to spend all day Friday with them. We spent the morning jailbreaking their iPods and fixing it all, then we just hung out, played xBox, worked on a puzzle for HOURS! Officially the hardest puzzle I’ve ever done! We did it though. Both my loves came over (my best friend and my boyfriend) as well, we had a nice dinner together, did some shopping then just came back to relax.

Saturday I got called into work, meaning I spent the day posting here because I didn’t have much else to do. I should have spent the time studying, but because the doctor has been trying to find new ADHD medicine that means studying and sitting still were not done. I tried my best though, it just didn’t happen. I came home this morning to find my brother enjoying breakfast with some watchful puppies! Mama would so kill us for this…


Tonight we celebrated my mom’s birthday dinner with my grandparents just like every year. It was the first year my dad wasn’t around so it felt kind of strange. I’m still trying my best to get used to this divorce thing but I’m completely lost on how to feel about it. It’s just a strange new feeling. I think mostly I feel lonely. I’m so used to having so many people packed into one house. My mom, dad, brother, sister, her boyfriend, and my (now ex) boyfriend all crammed into a 3 bedroom house…not exactly a lot of room. Now there’s just 3 of us and  from time to time, my boyfriend…though my mom still has no idea that he’s actually my boyfriend…one day. Anyway, we had a nice dinner but like usual, my brother doesn’t eat any real food, so grandma made him a nice pizza, which was actually incredible! Grandma is an amazing cook!


I’m proud to say that I am blogging from my very first official DESK! It’s the simple things in life! I have always wanted a desk and am SO excited I finally got myself one! It’s awesome! I picked this up from Target to match the two bookshelves I got. Though it doesn’t match the rest of the furniture in the room, that’s ok because I’m still looking for a house and these are for my office I want to have. I really cannot wait to get a house, mostly so I can start my own life!


So that’s an update on my life for now. Tomorrow is another day at work, so I’m sure I’ll be posting something just to say hi to the world. Have a good evening all, stay safe out there!


As we can all see by the amount of posts I’m adding today, I’m busy at work earning the big bucks…kidding. I am at work and I’ve decided to make this time useful.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so it seems I am slightly off in this posting but I believe it is something important to talk about. I have been in that spot many times before, I didn’t grow up in the best home and I had a lot of problems that pushed me to think about it all too many times. Some how I always managed to pull through, usually on my own. Very few of my friends and zero of my family know about it, but those that do have helped me in so many ways. I could never tell them enough just how grateful I am.

I work in a career that means we see suicidal patients pretty much weekly and sometimes daily. Most are just seeking attention, it’s not their first time through the rodeo, however others truly do need help. Either way, it’s not my job to decide which is which, they will all be treated the same by me, with kindness, respect, and caring. I believe that anyone that is suicidal is truly sick, maybe if it is even just for that few moments, but they are not mentally healthy and they truly have a problem. When someone tells you they are thinking about it, don’t laugh it off. And be careful who you bully…you could be the one that finally pushed that “dork” in school to the edge.

When I first starting thinking about it I was very alone. The internet wasn’t around much, maybe at school, but we didn’t have it at home. I read some “self-help” books in the school library, but anything that was going to talk about it and help available wasn’t something I could find in a school library. I was pretty much on my own, until high school. Something about my counselor made me want to open up to her, she had this personality that let me know, she was here for me, I could trust her, and I was not along. She gave me a notebook, one she let me hide anywhere I wanted in her office and not tell her. Anytime I was having problems, I’d come to her office, kick her out for a short period of time, take my notebook and write whatever I wanted. And I tested her too, I wanted to see if she really was reading it. I wrote about my suicidal thoughts and she never said anything, I knew she wasn’t reading it or she’d have to report it. That was my first small amount of help. She helped me.

When I hit college, the counselor there wasn’t so good. In fact she downright sucked! She made me want to kill myself! So I quit going, I couldn’t take our “sessions” anymore. Instead, since the internet was becoming more popular, I grabbed my computer and started looking up my own ways to help myself and I found them. But the one thing that helped me the most, more than anything else was this suicidal website I came across. I stumbled across it by accident but since that time I have read it several other times, some when I start feeling suicidal thoughts coming on or even just to remind me.

I have my bad days, the days I can’t control my thoughts, but for the most part, I am extremely glad to be alive! After years of troubles, the doctors have finally officially diagnosed me with ADHD and dyslexia, which means I am getting the help I needed all along. And I don’t feel so alone now that I know the reason behind my problems.

I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t give up! I have been there, many time, things really do get better! You’re life is so worth living! Please get the help you need, there are people out there that want to help you! I promise! You are not alone!

Below are a few videos, please take the time to watch and listen to the lyrics. Below each video is a link to the lyrics for the songs. Read the words.

Rascal Flatts – Why


Nickelback – Lullaby

Ageless Love

I would like to take a few minutes out of my day to share a website I found not long ago. When I first got into an age gap relationship, it was different. We kept VERY quiet about it because people in the world…well they can just be too damn opinionated! But slowly we started letting people know. Neither of us know anyone with more than 10 years max between them, so I started looking online for some more information. I had to know that there were more people out there. I mean, I knew, but it’s like I wanted a confirmation about it. So anyway, I did what every one does these days, I opened my computer and started looking online for something to help me.

Google can be a wonderful tool! Though there are not many people out there that want to share about their lives, relationships, etc. But there are a few and this website seems to be the best I have found so far. You can talk to other people going through a “May-December” relationships, which believe it or not, have the SAME problems as any other and in my opinion, less. So if you are in an age gap relationship and you too are looking for more people like yourself, I hope you either find my blog or this website directly yourself.

Ageless Love

Have a good day guys! And thanks for reading my blog!

What’s your secret?

Some of you may or may not know about a website called PostSecret. A guy name Frank Warren sent out blank post cards that asked strangers to share their secrets. He got some back and posted them on his website. Now, several years later thousands send in their secrets every week hoping to see them posted on the website or published in his books. Personally I love the website, I check it religiously every Sunday (the day new secrets are posted). I can’t wait to get up tomorrow to check and see what people have to share this week!

Not too long ago, Frank and a team of helpers released the PostSecret Application, only available for iPhone. I was SO excited for this app to be released! I originally read about it being developed in 2010 and read the release date was suppose to be in the beginning of 2011. 2011 was going to be a good year, ios 5 for the iPhone and PostSecret was releasing an app! Well, I was slightly disappointed at first because ios 5 AND the PostSecret app were not released by the expected time. We had to wait till fall for both, but I check website regularly hoping and praying for an official release day. Despite my wait, I downloaded both the day they were released.

For those of you that did not get to experience it, let me share with you the joy of the PostSecret application. It was a place where you uploaded a picture (one you took or from your album) and then wrote a secret (within a certain amount of letters) and uploaded it using your current location. You could pick your state, city, or a business near by to share your secret. It was wonderful! And you got to reply the same way to secrets as well. People didn’t feel so alone! Tons of people would share their secrets, then others would get on and share theirs as well or comment to that person letting them know they were not alone. Unfortunately the app is no longer usable and available because too many people were using it for bad thing. People would not stop posting pornographic pictures and then some people had the nerve to get on and actually threaten other peoples lives. According to Frank, the FBI got involved and the app was forced to be shut down. Someone always had to ruin it for everyone one!

However, every Sunday Frank has begun to add a section to his website with his updated secrets, it’s called “The Best of the App.” It offers pictures of secrets shared on the app that Frank found. So even though the app is gone, part of it is still here because Frank continues to share it with us. I wish there was a way for the app to be reopened. Part of the problem was it offered so much antonymous posting that it was impossible to track down the people that were using it wrong. I would suggest being forced to create a log in that tracks your phone (a lot like the xBox live system) and when someone is using it wrong, their whole phone is blocked from being able to use the app. I know this is probably some sort of “invasion of privacy” but if xBox can do it legal, then others can too. And it will allow us to have this wonderful app back and hopefully cut down the problems before.

Maybe one day it will be back but for now…the wait for Sunday continues!

Pull to the Right!

From time to time, I get on my soapbox about things that frustrate me and today I had something frustrate me. Stupid people. Now, in my line of work, stupid people equals job security. To the public this probably doesn’t sound right, but talk to anyone in my field and they will tell you the same thing. Stupid people (or people making bad decisions) is what keeps us in business and we were far from short of that today!

What are we all taught in driving school?? If you see lights and sirens, pull to the right…correct? Apparently they are no longer teaching this!! I can’t tell you how many times people either stop dead right in front of us or while everyone else is going right, one idiot goes left making it impossible to get through or nearly causing an accident. Is it really that hard people? Let me share a little video from some friends at another department. I’d like to thank the Tuscaloosa Fire & Rescue Service, Alabama for this video!



The funny part about this video…yes, we really do sit behind the wheel and yell this crap about idiot drivers, only sometimes it can be way worse. It’s extremely frustrating, especially when you have a critical patient in the back of your truck.

Emergency Medical Serves are by far the least appreciated service out there! Everyone loves firetrucks and firefighters because they save you from fires. I myself am also a firefighter, so no I am not against the fire service. How many people appreciate the ambulance? No one, not until you or someone close to you needs us. Fire and EMS workers do not receive enough pay for the job they do, and believe me, if any of us got into this field for the money, we’d have left before we started. People complain that we get paid to “sit around and sleep” yet want to know what took us so long when you have an emergency and want us there right away. You can’t have it both ways people.

For the information of the public…when we are not running emergency calls, we are usually cleaning the station, cleaning the equipment, training to strengthen our skills, working with the public to train them…we do not just “sit around.” Yes, we do have our “down time,” meaning our time to relax a little between calls, our chance to have our family come visit, but if you think our job is easy…I dare you to join us for a day. I can promise you, your mind will change. I have not been in this business for a long time, but I have seen things I wish I could forget, I’ve lived the nightmares, yet I promise to be here every day, doing what I love to keep you and your family safe.


I’d like to take a few minutes out of my day here to discuss something I’ve spent much time thinking about, mostly just to get it off my mind. I am not a “child of divorce” because it was just last year that my parents decided they were going to FINALLY get divorced. I say finally here, because I used to wish and pray pretty much daily that they would divorce because of the hell they put me through as a child but that’s a whole different discussion. I am completely confused and lost in the world when it comes to this divorce, even though it’s exactly what I wanted it and it’s what they needed.

One evening, in the early summer of 2011, my parents sat all us children down and told us they were getting a divorce. I couldn’t be more happy at the time, my sister started crying and ran off, and my brother threw a fit a ran to his room. I know my sister did this out of wanting attention (she cries all the time), but I couldn’t figure out what there was to cry about. The more I thought about it, I realized that my brother and sister didn’t get the hell I did when my parents fought and anyone that knows our family will confirm that. My parents made my life a living hell, but my siblings didn’t have to go through that, so I started to understand why they might be upset.

It wasn’t till weeks to follow that I got upset and it was not for the same reason as my siblings. I was more angry than upset. The weeks following my parents announcement I began to find out, mostly from cousins, that my parents pending divorce was no secret among the family. In fact, every single extended and distant family member knew before my parents decided to tell their own children and this pissed me off, it still does. They felt the need to tell every single person, except for their own children. By the time they did decide to tell us, they had already gone to the lawyer and started the paperwork. I felt betrayed, lost, and hurt.

About 4 months after, my father finally found an apartment and moved out. Now, this was also a confusing time for me. Though my father physically beat my, my mother mentally messed with me. I couldn’t decide at the time which I’d rather live with, if given the ultimate choice it’d be neither. (Take note that I had been looking for a house for 2 years, but given the economy and housing choices for my price range, I am still stuck living at home.) My sister moved in with my dad, which I couldn’t be more pleased about! Try spending 24 years in a room with someone that hates you down to your core, beats you every chance they get, and never cleans up after them self! I could not wait for her to be gone and took full advantage of it when she was! I repainted, cleaned everything, rearranged, and made the room my own for once in my whole life!

Now, 2 months shy of 1 year since their divorce, I find myself still confused on how I am suppose to feel or act about it. At the time everyone was calling and texting me to let them know if I “need anything” which seems to be the universal answer when a person doesn’t know what to say or do to help someone. I think I am finally to the point where I need that help everyone was offering, but I think their offers ran out a LONG time ago. It still feels strange when I’m at home and my dad and sister aren’t around. I went from a packed house of 5, to just the 3 of us (my mom, brother, and myself). That’s not much of a difference, I know, but my mom is rarely home and I’m not used to the “peacefulness” that home has to offer. I’ve never had that place I could go to escape the world. For me, home was hell, it was the place I avoided at ALL cost! Now, I feel myself wanting to be there. I like being in my room now, I finally have that place that’s all mine. A place that I can escape too.

My mind is completely lost on how I am suppose to feel still about this divorce. I am so torn. My father calls all the time wanting me to come over, and finally after 5 months of avoiding him I drug my cousin along on a visit. He looks so much older than I remember, I guess divorce does that. And he apparently is always sitting at home because he has no one and nothing to do. The man has no hobbies, he just sits in front of the tv drinking beer, that’s all I can ever remember him doing. I feel bad for him at times, but remember that he did this to himself. He treated me like shit and I have zero desire to go through that more.

Maybe one day I will invite him back into my life, but for now one parent at a time. My relationship with my mom isn’t the best, but it’s been getting better. And with the advice and encouragement of my man, things are being repaired, something I never thought possible. Maybe one day my life will finally be “normal” but for now I live the confusion of an abused child dealing with parents that divorce when I became an adult.

Our Age Difference

The few people that do know about our relationship have asked a few questions that we have thought about ourselves and tonight I am going to review a particular subject that seems to be the most important to people.

The main question we get is children. My man has 3 children, all slightly younger than me. Now, when we marry they will never be referred to as “my children.” I will not be their “step-mom” even though, technically I am, there will be no momness for them, I refuse to be a “mother” to someone just younger than myself.

It is a known fact that I want kids, a lots of them! Like a whole litter! However, after watching the Duggar family, I’ve been convinced to settle for 3 and my man is completely excited about that. Now don’t get us wrong, we’re not writing off his children, but they are already old enough to care for themselves, which doesn’t mean we’ll turn them down if they need help. We are in agreement that we want two boys and a girl, which is a whole other discussion for a later day, we have names picked out and all!

We get asked about how we are going to raise the kids, will I be a stay at home mom, etc. I would LOVE to care for the kids all the time and stay home with them, but I don’t think it is fair for me to spend money I don’t make, I’m not that person. And besides, I love my job!! Who wouldn’t? I get to play with firetrucks and ambulances! But when it comes to raising the kids, we have a plan.

Due to our line of work, retirement comes early and in 6 years my man is eligible for retirement. Sees weird for some people, me starting my career, him retiring, but it will work. He is super excited about being able to care for the child, which is good because he will be doing most of it. But don’t get us wrong, he will still be working some. See he wants to put as much money away as we can.

It’s the cycle of life, he’s not going to live forever, who knows, I could go before him. We never know, so we have planned for this. He wants to make sure that if anything ever happens, myself and the children are living in a paid off home with no financial worries. We have talked about the differences between our life verses a “normal” relationship, and we have a great game plan!

Future Children of America

I’ve been watching scared straight and I hate it when people say, “so and so is at an important cross roads in their life.” Technically we’re always at an important cross road in life…the decisions we make every single day effect us for the rest of our lives.

Some of these kids are 12/13 years old having sex, drinking, doing drugs…wtf?! I didn’t know what any of that was at that age! It’s the parents fault for allowing the children to get this out of control. That’s the problem with today’s world, too many parents aren’t parents, they don’t take responsibility and admit it’s their own fault.

If my children (when they come) are that out of control, then it’s my own damn fault! No anyone else’s! And it my responsibility to watch them, teach them, and believe it or not, punish them. Children need punishment and discipline, it is healthy and good for them. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s a big difference from repeatedly hitting your child, especially without reason, and spanking your child. The punishment should fit the crime. There is nothing wrong with spanking a child. And that’s the problem with the world, not enough punishing the child to teach them.

My generation got plenty of spankings and everyone things we turned out bad…look around you today…this next batch of kids doesn’t make us look to bad…