I’m still here, always reading your posts but never saying much. I’m stuck in a rut I can’t get out of, but don’t worry my two coworkers, and new found “friends”, are looking out for me. Trying to get me to break free and live a “normal” life. They tell me they worry about me but I keep telling them they don’t need to. After all these years I’m still here, clearly something wants me around. Probably just to stuff, but it’s obvious I’m not going anywhere right now.
And reading, I’ve been reading all your posts, I just don’t get to respond.
But I was thinking the other day, reflecting I guess you could say, on my childhood. I realized something i hadn’t thought about before…I’m still alive because I was too afraid of my parents to kill myself. How messed up is that? I feared them so much I couldn’t even go through with my plan. I guess you could call that sad…whatever, it was life.
I guess in some ways it’s good I’m still here, despite the fact that I have no money, I’m struggling worse than ever thanks to Obamacare, when you back a law you should check and see who it really hurts! I’m stuck at home even longer and it makes me want to just disappear. I can’t even afford to go to the doctor and I’ve been sick for week. I can barely afford to eat and my meals include random things, fruits, vegetables, meats, and whatever else I can afford to cook. Why isn’t Obama helping me?!?
Don’t answer that. Anyway, I have to get to bed, I literally work every single day and still don’t manage well. It’s killing me. I can’t afford time off, I can’t afford to work either.
Take care all, I read any time I have internet.
Hello all! I know I’ve been gone for a while but I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything. 2014 sure went out with a bang and I’m still not completely over it. I will try to keep this all together, say as much as I can, and try to ensure it all makes some sense.
In the beginning of December I ran a coworker in cardiac arrest, this was an outstanding person that was the best at their job! I couldn’t believe it at all, it still feels unreal to this day, all of it. I keep thinking what if things had been different, what could we have done different, did we do everything we could? The worse feeling in the world is standing in the ER and listening to the doctor call the code, my heart just dropped. This happened fairly early into the shift and for those of you that have been following me…yes, this was at hell job. Needless to say the bitch in charge did NOT relieve myself and the other coworker that knew the patient from duty, despite being able to keep a truck in service, we got no opportunity to go home. Yes, I was stressed, I was very stressed because it was job after job after that.
Fast forward exactly one week and I was forced to resign or get fired from hell job. I was working with this new asshole that has to be in everyones business and I just wanted him to go away! Leave me the fuck alone!!!! He just didn’t stop! Things happened on a call, I blocked his hand from touching something and that was the end of that job. He said, “if you touch me we’re going to have a problem.” Fat fuck gets to threaten me and get away with it!! That’s what pisses me off the most! He wouldn’t stop yelling while I tried to explain. Then he said I hit him, then it was I shooed him, then I grabbed his hand and threw it…yes, he couldn’t keep his damn story straight and I’m out a job, no his fat ass! Not to mention, he’s easily 380lbs, maybe more, and I’m maybe 110 soaking wet…but I hit him…? Are you fucking kidding me?! I’m afraid his fat ass will squish me! I wouldn’t “hit” any part of that! Fucking asshole!
Long story short, I’m out a job, about half of my income, and thanks to this fucking Obama care that’s already killing me, I’m really struggling! No where is hiring! I’m even applying for retail jobs and factory work, literally NO ONE is hiring! I can’t pay my bills and to make matters worse my dog had major surgery to save his life. This fucking blows!
So…that’s life right now. I don’t really want to talk about much else at the moment but if you don’t hear from me for a while it’s because I haven’t been anywhere with internet. I just want you to know I’m not gone, just…stuck. I hope everyone has a wonderful start to 2015!
Obamacare is forcing me to chose between eating and paying for insurance I can’t afford anymore. It’s forcing me to choose between living and taking the easy way out. Obamacare has fucked me over good! For those of you that suppose this shit, why don’t you take a good look at the people it’s really hurting! I’m so pissed right now I can’t event share every thing. But soon. Very soon.
Anyone that has followed me for a while knows a little bit about “hell job” and the nightmare it is. How horrible my coworkers are, how they eat their own, destroy everything, and what a joke the place had become since the billing bitch was put in charge when the former Chief retired because he couldn’t handle these assholes anymore. If you’re getting hopeful that things have changed then you will be greatly disappointed when I tell you they haven’t…yet. If I could I’d turn in my shit right now, tell them a big “fuck you!”, and walk out.
That jackass that put his hands on me might get his job back. A useless piece of shit got promoted (seriously a rock is more productive!!), people are quitting left and right, most days we don’t even have an ambulance staffed, people are breaking the trucks faster than I can repair them. It’s a fucking joke!!
There is one coworker there that helps keep me sane and boy do I love my shifts with him! He’s far from lazy, helps with all required work plus some, and keeps me laughing. When you put us together there are a lot of shenanigans happening. : ) For example, we set all the alarm clocks to go off at random hours between 1am and 4am and we continue to reset them often as well as hide them for a challenge to find it.
Today, after another round of pissing me off, I had a chat with him. I was doing work this newly promoted lazy fuck refused to do and said “he didn’t get to it”…yea, because your fatass couldn’t get off the couch! While Doug his work I was given more work, even though 3 employees were sitting around watching tv. By the time I finished the first job given to me it was 10 minutes after shift change, so I said forget it and left without finishing. I can’t keep up and it’s not my fault!
Anyway, while talking with this coworker about the crap I came up with a brilliant idea! We are calling it ” If I were Chief”. A list of things we would do different to change the shit there, but add a level of entertainment to it, even if it’s only to entertain ourselves. My first plan of actions? Since no one can turn tv’s off or get up from watching them, I will remove ALL tv cords and cables. You have to earn them back!! Want to buy and bring in your own? Fine, but if I see it then it’s gone until you earn that one back to. Don’t like it? Too bad. Suck it up and do your job!!
It’s not that I want to kill myself, it’s just that if something happened I wouldn’t fight to stay here. Maybe one day soon that something will happened so I can finally give up.
I am reading all your posts. I often don’t get to comment until later, but I do read them all. Life is keeping me busy, which is good I guess. I don’t get time off, so my writing has pretty much stopped, along with my life.
Thank you Obamadoesn’tcare! Fuck the government! I’m fucking pissed if you can’t tell. So pissed I just don’t want to talk about it right now. I lost all my overtime, can’t afford more than 12 hours off at a time, and only 2 of those a week. I’m holding down 7 jobs…yea, fuck your parttime bullshit idea! Parttime work is PARTTIME!! It’s not meant to have benefits!!! The majority of parttime workers are full time, or high school kids just getting in the field. I would rather all my fucking overtime back than this shit!
And my insurance cost…don’t get me started there. I can’t afford it now, I was using that overtime to pay the new price…so fuck you again! Now in December I really won’t have it because my plan goes bye bye and I can’t afford the even higher price for FAR LESS coverage!
I got sick and had to go to urgent care…normally that costs me $40 the day of and another $40 later…oh not anymore! $40 the day of, plus a bill for $168!!!!!!! Oh, but my insurance saved me “$90″…no it fucking didn’t! I already paid $40!! So you really “saved me” $50! Not to mention I now pay $258 a FUCKING MONTH! Which used to be $128. Fucking dicks!! So I would have been better off NOT having insurance, that would have saved me money! Fuck this idea of covering everyone! Why the fuck should I have to continue to pay more because people don’t want to better themselves?!?! Fuck you!
I have no problem helping people that need it, but why should I suffer?! I can’t even afford food anymore, I can’t afford time off, I can barely afford to buy gas to get to work! Honestly, I’d be better off quitting all work and living off the government. Things are getting so desperate I am seriously considering it. Between my new insurance cost and student loans, I can’t even afford to eat or get my migraine medication.
Speaking of migraines…those have gotten worse, from lack of sleep and food. Just wonderful. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Anyone want to buy some camera gear? I’m going to have to sell it along with everything else I have just to get by. This fucking blows! I lost every tiny thing that makes me happy and will literally be working 6/7 days a week just to scrape by. Fuck you lazy ass people living off the system and abusing it! The rest of you that really need it…I apologize, you are unfortunately caught in the middle due this world.
Speaking of this world…what the fuck happened to people that wanted to work for their shit?! I hate my generation! Fucking lazy ass spoiled little bitches that had everything handed to them! This whole idea of “everyone gets a trophy”…fuck that! It’s life! Nothing is fucking fair!!! I should know! Ugh!
I’m sorry, my rant is done now. I need some serious sleep. Please keep writing, it gives me something to do on the few down moments I have in life.