Fuck It

Obamacare is forcing me to chose between eating and paying for insurance I can’t afford anymore. It’s forcing me to choose between living and taking the easy way out. Obamacare has fucked me over good! For those of you that suppose this shit, why don’t you take a good look at the people it’s really hurting! I’m so pissed right now I can’t event share every thing. But soon. Very soon.

If I were Chief

Anyone that has followed me for a while knows a little bit about “hell job” and the nightmare it is. How horrible my coworkers are, how they eat their own, destroy everything, and what a joke the place had become since the billing bitch was put in charge when the former Chief retired because he couldn’t handle these assholes anymore. If you’re getting hopeful that things have changed then you will be greatly disappointed when I tell you they haven’t…yet. If I could I’d turn in my shit right now, tell them a big “fuck you!”, and walk out.

That jackass that put his hands on me might get his job back. A useless piece of shit got promoted (seriously a rock is more productive!!), people are quitting left and right, most days we don’t even have an ambulance staffed, people are breaking the trucks faster than I can repair them. It’s a fucking joke!!

There is one coworker there that helps keep me sane and boy do I love my shifts with him! He’s far from lazy, helps with all required work plus some, and keeps me laughing. When you put us together there are a lot of shenanigans happening. : ) For example, we set all the alarm clocks to go off at random hours between 1am and 4am and we continue to reset them often as well as hide them for a challenge to find it.

Today, after another round of pissing me off, I had a chat with him. I was doing work this newly promoted lazy fuck refused to do and said “he didn’t get to it”…yea, because your fatass couldn’t get off the couch! While Doug his work I was given more work, even though 3 employees were sitting around watching tv. By the time I finished the first job given to me it was 10 minutes after shift change, so I said forget it and left without finishing. I can’t keep up and it’s not my fault!

Anyway, while talking with this coworker about the crap I came up with a brilliant idea! We are calling it ” If I were Chief”. A list of things we would do different to change the shit there, but add a level of entertainment to it, even if it’s only to entertain ourselves. My first plan of actions? Since no one can turn tv’s off or get up from watching them, I will remove ALL tv cords and cables. You have to earn them back!! Want to buy and bring in your own? Fine, but if I see it then it’s gone until you earn that one back to. Don’t like it? Too bad. Suck it up and do your job!!

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Keep Writing

I am reading all your posts. I often don’t get to comment until later, but I do read them all. Life is keeping me busy, which is good I guess. I don’t get time off, so my writing has pretty much stopped, along with my life.

Thank you Obamadoesn’tcare! Fuck the government! I’m fucking pissed if you can’t tell. So pissed I just don’t want to talk about it right now. I lost all my overtime, can’t afford more than 12 hours off at a time, and only 2 of those a week. I’m holding down 7 jobs…yea, fuck your parttime bullshit idea! Parttime work is PARTTIME!! It’s not meant to have benefits!!! The majority of parttime workers are full time, or high school kids just getting in the field. I would rather all my fucking overtime back than this shit!

And my insurance cost…don’t get me started there. I can’t afford it now, I was using that overtime to pay the new price…so fuck you again! Now in December I really won’t have it because my plan goes bye bye and I can’t afford the even higher price for FAR LESS coverage!

I got sick and had to go to urgent care…normally that costs me $40 the day of and another $40 later…oh not anymore! $40 the day of, plus a bill for $168!!!!!!! Oh, but my insurance saved me “$90″…no it fucking didn’t! I already paid $40!! So you really “saved me” $50! Not to mention I now pay $258 a FUCKING MONTH! Which used to be $128. Fucking dicks!! So I would have been better off NOT having insurance, that would have saved me money! Fuck this idea of covering everyone! Why the fuck should I have to continue to pay more because people don’t want to better themselves?!?! Fuck you!

I have no problem helping people that need it, but why should I suffer?! I can’t even afford food anymore, I can’t afford time off, I can barely afford to buy gas to get to work! Honestly, I’d be better off quitting all work and living off the government. Things are getting so desperate I am seriously considering it. Between my new insurance cost and student loans, I can’t even afford to eat or get my migraine medication.

Speaking of migraines…those have gotten worse, from lack of sleep and food. Just wonderful. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Anyone want to buy some camera gear? I’m going to have to sell it along with everything else I have just to get by. This fucking blows! I lost every tiny thing that makes me happy and will literally be working 6/7 days a week just to scrape by. Fuck you lazy ass people living off the system and abusing it! The rest of you that really need it…I apologize, you are unfortunately caught in the middle due this world.

Speaking of this world…what the fuck happened to people that wanted to work for their shit?! I hate my generation! Fucking lazy ass spoiled little bitches that had everything handed to them! This whole idea of “everyone gets a trophy”…fuck that! It’s life! Nothing is fucking fair!!! I should know! Ugh!

I’m sorry, my rant is done now. I need some serious sleep. Please keep writing, it gives me something to do on the few down moments I have in life.

Silence is Golden

Tonight it hit me, just how alone I am. No one hears my cries. No one sees my tears. No one cares. No one is there for me. No one sees me. No one cares. No one helps me. No one hears me. No one cares. I am completely alone with no one to turn to. I will always be alone.

Hello May!

Well good evening all! How’s life? Mine is confusing as hell! I’m so lost on where to start so a list and then cover it one by one, and apologize my medicine is not working at it’s best today so I will be all over today.

1. My mother and her boyfriend are getting married…less than a year from their “announced dating” and less than 3 years from her divorce…great idea…

2. My man! : )

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with.

4. My dirt bike.

5. Whatever else has happened…let’s think about it.

Let’s start…

1. Yea, my mother has a boyfriend…he’s JUST like my father! She divorced my dad because all he does is sit around drinking beer…that’s all he does! From the moment he gets up to the time he goes to bed. He drinks and sleeps. That’s it. I was suppose to go visit the family out of town but my mom and him decided they wanted to go…well I passed on going because I refuse to ride in a vehicle with him and I wasn’t going to deal with the bitch for driving myself separate. So I missed out…again. If it’s not work causing me to miss out, it’s her! I schedule myself for ever holiday, just so I can avoid her and my dad’s family….I feel so alone but I realize I’m much better off without them and the trouble they are determined to start. It makes my heart hurt until they hurt me again…then I remember why I’m so alone.

2. My man! Man I love him! And wish every day we could have a normal life…I just want a family and life with him…a fun filled life with him! He makes me so happy! We’ve gone camping some and have some great trips planned coming up so if you follow my photography page…watch for some pictures soon! If not and you want to see it, e-mail me…

3. The man my man is trying to set me up with…well that sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer! lol He’s still determined I find someone closer to my age and start a family and live happy together…well, a coworker of mine has been a friend for a while and my man is determined I actively seek after him…not going to lie, he is a great guy and just awesome, but I love my man…it tears me up. I’m so lost but my man is still here helping me any way he can, which is good. He loves me and is here for me, but I am to keep my mind and options open. He supports any decision I make.

4. My dirt bike…anyone want to contribute to my happiness?! : ) Just kidding…I’m working like every day…literally…and the 1 or 2 full 24 hours a month I get off work is spent either working on my bike or finding a friend I can ride with to take it riding. It’s what keeps me happy and my man knows that. He even tries to arrange for me to get a ride somewhere to take my bike out. He says he loves to see my smile when I ride so tries to ensure I can do that. : ) I sure love it! I would LOVE to race! But there’s not affording that. I’m working SO hard to try and get myself a truck so I can go riding…I would love that but I won’t be able to afford that with my career choice…oh well.

5. Everything else…life is just keeping me busy. I’m really sorry I don’t post anything, my job keeps me busy and since I’m at it ALL the time…well it gets very hard trying to post. I apologize. I don’t always get to respond, but I do read what you all write, all of it! Keep writing, I love reading! Take care all. I’m off work for a few hours, spending it working on my bike to help me relax. : )

I’m Giving Up

When I first got into this field I volunteered 6 months on the ambulance waiting for them to hire me. I have fought for every job I have to prove myself. Every day I work my ass off, cleaning, working, doing everyone else’s work. I volunteer to help all the time, do extra hours, volunteer time, stay around to help, but does it matter? Does it mean anything?

No. It never does and it never will.

I see people all the time get hired, never having to volunteer. People say what excellent employees they are, but I see them sitting around all the time. Zero experience and just walk into a job. They get full time while I’m busting my ass to stay on the part time list.

It pisses me off! More than I can ever explain! More than it probably should. I can’t explain the hurt inside me, the feeling of being forgotten. I can’t stop the pain and I can’t explain why it’s so strong. Tonight I can’t handle it anymore. I’m done! I give up! I quit! I’ll never be good enough, ever. It’s as simple as that.